YOU ARE JUST NOT THAT INTO ME

I was debating with God the day before yesterday. He asked me why I didn't discipline my self in prayer, why I just came when I thought I wanted to. Did I still love Him? I answered, Yes Lord I still love you. I just forgot, or I was too busy, You knew I was too sleepy, I didn't have enough time to sit alone at dawn, I couldn't wake up. Lord, but I am thinking of You. In every second, every minute, every hour, every day, You are always on my mind. He says tenderly, My dear child, if you say that you love Me but you even don't miss to talk to me, I can say that you are just not that into Me. 

Checkmate! I can't dodge anymore. He doesn't need love comes out from my mouth only. He wants me to show it, by building personal and intimate relationship just like before. Just a little chit chat anyway. I'm not trying to announce the world that I love God, because I know everyone loves God. It's just, maybe you have the same thought with me. That we still love God even though we don't come to His presence every day and as long as we do good things to others. Well, think it over, maybe we are just not that into Him, because if we fall in love, we will always crave to spend as much time as we can with Him. Yes, we show our loves to God by doing good to others. But first of the first, God wants an intimate relationship with His children. We can do more for His glory through our relationship with Him. God bless. ^^

A BAD SHEEP & A GOOD SHEPHERD

“Jika kita mengaku dosa kita, maka Ia adalah setia dan adil, sehingga Ia akan mengampuni segala dosa kita dan menyucikan kita dari segala kejahatan.”

1 Yoh 1: 9

Comic by: Sonny Ketsit

Source: Komik Kristen

LEARN TO WALK

“Sebab rancangan-Ku bukanlah rancanganmu, dan jalanmu bukanlah jalan-Ku, demikianlah firman TUHAN. Seperti tingginya langit dari bumi, demikianlah tingginya jalan-Ku dari jalanmu dan rancangan-Ku dari rancanganmu.” Yes 55:8-9

Comic by: Sonny Ketsit

Source: Komik Kristen

CHINESE GOSPEL SONGS

這一生最美的祝福 

The most beautiful blessing in life

在無數的黑夜裏 

zai wu shu de hei ye li

When I see the stars at night

我用星星畫出你 

Wo yong xing xing hua chu ni

how my heart is drawn to You

你的恩典如晨星 

Ni de en dian ru cheng xing

and their light shines Your grace on me

  讓我真實地見到你 

Rang wo zhen shi de jian dao ni

how I long to be with You

在我的歌聲裏 

zai wo de ge sheng li

I lift my voice in praise

我用音符讚美你 

wo yong yin fu zan mei ni

I will love You with my life

你的美好是我今生頌揚的

ni de mei hao sh wo jin sheng song yao de

for Your beauty and Your goodness never end

這一生最美的祝福

zhe yi sheng zui mei de zhu fu

The most beautiful blessing in this world

  就是能認識主耶穌 

Jiu shi neng renshi zhu yesu

is to know You, Jesus

這一生最美的祝福 

Zhe yi sheng zui mei de zhu fu

The most beautiful blessing in this world

就是能信靠主耶穌 

Jiu shi neng xin kao zhu ye su

is to believe You, Jesus

走在高山深谷 他會伴我同行

Zou zai gao shan sheng gu,ta hui ban wo tong xing

In the valleys or on high, You are with me all the time

我知道這是最美的祝福

Wo zhi dao zhe shi zui mei de zhu fu.

I know this is the best gift to know You.

耶穌愛你

Jesus Loves you

這世界﹐有個千年不變道理

zhe shi jie, you ge qian nian bu bian de dao li

In this world, there is a never changing truth,


那就是﹐耶穌愛你

na jiu shi, ye su ai ni

It is that Jesus loves you


在世上﹐沒有任何的逼迫患難

zai shi shang, mei you ren he de bi po huan nan,

In this world, even all trials or persecutions 


能使我們與神的愛隔絕

neng shi wo men yu shen de ai ge jue

can never take away His loving presence


你是否願意同作神的兒女

ni shi fou yuan yi tong wei shen de er nv,

Won't you go, run to our Father's house 


一生讓耶穌愛你

yi sheng rang ye su ai ni

and accept His bountiful love


在世上﹐沒有任何的困苦愁煩

zai shi shang, mei you ren he de kun ku chou fan,

In this world, even all sorrows, hungers, or troubles,


能使我們與神的愛隔絕

neng shi wo men yu shen de ai ge jue

can never take away His loving presence

主你是我力量 

Lord, You are my Strength

我的诗歌我的拯救

wo de shi ge wo de zheng jiu

你是我患难中随时的帮助

ni shi wo huan nan chong sui shi de bang zhu

众山怎样围绕耶路撒冷

zhong shan zhen yang wei rao Ye Lu Sa Leng

你必围绕我到永远

ni bi wei rao wo dao yong yuan

主你是我力量

zhu ni shi wo li liang

主你是我高台

zhu ni shi wo gao tai

坚固磐石我信靠你必不动摇

jian gu pan shi wo xin kao ni bi bu dong yao

主你是我力量

zhu ni sho wo li liang

主你是避难所

cu ni sho bi nan suo

我的盼望只在乎你

wo de pan wang zhi zai fu ni

CHESS

I just remember that I like chess! After upgrading some features in my cell phone, I also downloaded some games. Chess is my favorite board game. I first learned playing it when I was in Junior High School. I and some friends used to go to library to play it. However, the best memory was in Senior High School. We still liked it, even more! The bad news was, we didn’t have chessboard at that time. So Bulu and Wig made it ourselves! We drew many chessboards on our school desks using correction pen. It started with one desk actually. We made our own pieces by tracing the size of coin of Rp. 500,- for the King, Queen, Knights, Rooks, and Bishops, and Rp. 100,- for the pawns on the carton. The colors were blue and pink. At the end, my friends liked it and we had to draw 4 or 5 desks (read: damage the desks) for the chessboard and make a lot of chess pieces. Every day was a competition day, because there would be 4 or 5 pairs in the battles. Anyway, this damaging thing is not supposed to be done by students, anyway! We were just too naughty at that time! :p

(It's only one creativity during the off-lesson hours. I haven't mentioned the rest! XD)

Why do I like chess? I think because it uses strategy to play. We have to rack our brain to consider which move is better. We think for the consequences every time we make a move. Sometimes we need to sacrifice to get what we want. Sometimes we learn to step back to save ourselves, and sometimes we should just go straight forward. Sometimes we make stupid mistake because we forget to analyze the surroundings situation, and we have to accept it. Sometimes we have to lose to get. Sometimes we have to broaden our mind, not to focus to check mate the King only. We learn to survive with whatever remains. We learn to struggle until the very end even though we have to lose anyway. We learn how to defend while we attack, and how to attack while we defend. O, great, and the pictures below are too cool, make me like it more! Happy Chessing! Play online here: CHESS

THESIS DEFENSE PREPARATION

Melihat wajah-wajah dan status-status galau sidang bikin gw jadi flashback pas gw ngalamin itu juga. Pertama kali liat jadwal sakit perut pengen poop, berhari-hari mau sidang jantung berdetak cepat, pas hari H sekitar 1 jam sebelum sidang makan nasi setengah aja ga abis. Sekarang aja ngetik tentang sidang bisa sakit perut lagi. Haha. Jadi kalo gugup, takut, deg-degan, sangat amat wajar sekali. Tapi jangan sampe kita jadi stress ato depresi. Bukan waktunya soalnya hehe. Apalagi klo yang jadwal sidangnya udah mepet, sekarang waktunya prepare the best. Nah karena saat itu gw mempraktekkan beberapa cara dan sepertinya lumayan berhasil, ada yang mo gw share juga, siapa tau bisa berguna. Mari kita mulai:

Thesis Defense: Sambut dengan bahagia, ini bukan hari eksekusi, ini hari kebebasan.

1. Waktu nemu kesalahan, paniknya sebentar aja

Biasanya setelah kita bener-bener baca soft cover dengan saksama, baru keliatan kesalahan-kesalahan kecil yang kita buat sebelumnya. Tapi semua udah terlanjur karena soft covernya udah dikumpul. Jadi tindakan antisipasi yang bisa kita lakukan adalah dengan menyiapkan perbaikannya. Misalnya kalau Bibliography kita ternyata masih berantakan dan belom diurutin, ya kita print revisi yang benar untuk dibawa di hari sidang kalau itu dipertanyakan. Akui kesalahan dan kecerobohan dan kasih yang revisinya.

2. Tandain vocab yang susah

Baca baik-baik seluruh isi soft cover dan cari arti semua vocab susah yang kita ga tau ato lupa artinya. Tulis di bawah softcover dan inget-inget artinya.

3. Latian presentasi

Kalo ini mah udah pasti yah. Nah langkah pertama yang paling penting adalah:

a. Buat rancangan presentasi. Bukan cuma draft atau outline loh, tapi bener-bener kalimat apa yang mau kita omongin sepanjang presentasi. Ini bukan untuk dihafal, tapi untuk dipake latihan supaya kita ga belepotan dan kelamaan mikir mau ngomong apa nanti. Juga untuk pilih vocab dan ngontrol grammar supaya ga terlalu acak-acakkan. Ga perlu dihafal, tapi dengan kita ulang-ulang kita otomatis jadi inget sendiri.

b. Latian teknik. Yang perlu diinget juga hal-hal standar yang udah berkali-kali kita dengar. Tapi memang ga bisa dipungkiri kalo lagi deg-degan di depan penguji semua teknik presentasi yang udah kita siapkan jadi kacau. Tapi yang udah ga bisa ditawar (alias perlu latihan berkali-kali dan sungguh-sungguh kalo mau bagus) adalah:

(i) Kontak mata

Ini udah ga da pengecualian, kalo sepanjang presentasi gada kontak mata, berarti kita ga melakukan presentasi yang baik. Entah apakah penguji lagi sibuk nulis atau ga merhatiin kita, gapapa, tetep kontak kepala sama penguji (alias mata kita liat kepala beliau aja kalau beliau lagi sibuk nulis) dan penonton juga. Kalo bisa jangan terlalu sering arahin mata ke atas waktu berusaha mengingat-ngingat.

(ii) Body language

Bagi yang kebiasaan garuk-garuk kepala atau goyang-goyang ga jelas, mulai latian di depan cermin. Bukannya harus diem kaya patung, itu juga jelek. Tapi coba bayangin klo saat kita ngeblank kita garuk-garuk kepala sementara penguji lagi ngeliatin kita. Ouch. Emang bisa reflek, makanya kita perlu latian. Kalau mau hilangin nervous, gerakin tangan aja. Bisa dengan megang Q card (kalau bawa) atau nunjuk slide. Jadi misalnya lagi nerangin tentang 1 point atau tabel, tunjuk tabelnya dengan tangan. Kaya marketing perusahaan yang lagi jelasin produknya ke klien gitu. Hehe. Oya usahakan ngomong dengan senyum dan pasang tampang bahagia.

(iii) Nada bicara

Jangan bicara dengan nada datar kaya lagi baca buku pelajaran, karena presentasi kita lumayan lama (10-15 menit) dan kita akan bicara terus-terusan. Jadi bisa bayangin kan gimana bosennya dan tidak tertariknya penguji klo kita ngomong dengan nada males-malesan, diulur-ulur, atau datar tanpa semangat. Tapi juga jangan sampe berlebihan sampe setiap kata ada nada beda-beda. Yang enak didenger kaya kita lagi ceritain sesuatu yang menarik ke sahabat kita dengan antusias (tapi ga lebay).

(iv) Tempo dan Volume suara

Cara paling efektif buat latihan ini (termasuk nada) adalah dengan rekam suara kita sendiri saat presentasi. Jangan males buat ulang-ulang, gw tau rasanya enek banget tapi kita ga akan rugi kok. Dengan mengulang-ngulang selain bisa dapet nada, tempo, dan volume yang paling pas, kita juga bisa hafal dengan sendirinya apa yang mau kita omongin. Kalo volume agak gampang ngaturnya, tapi yang agak susah adalah tempo. Apalagi klo kita gugup, bisa jadi terlalu cepat, merepet ga jelas, keburu-buru, atau malah saking blank-nya, terdiam beberapa saat. Inget untuk ambil nafas, kasih jeda, dan kapan melanjutkan.

c. Atur waktu. Ini yang ga kalah penting. Jangan kurang dari 10 menit dan jangan lebih dari 15 menit. Yang paling efektif ya balik lagi ke tempo dan latian dengan rekam sendiri (atau pake stopwatch). Ulang sedemikian rupa sehingga kita bener-bener ada di range waktu yang aman. Maksimal usahakan saat kita latian dengan lancar sekitar 12 menit. Sisanya untuk jaga-jaga kalau saat sidang kita blank dan terdiam beberapa saat.

d. Bikin list pertanyaan

Ini terserah kita mau prepare berapa. Mungkin ada yang tambah penat kalau kebanyakan. Kalau saran gw, siapin pertanyaan yang kira-kira bakal keluar kira-kira 10-20 pertanyaan, berikut antisipasi jawabannya dalam bahasa Inggris. Lagi-lagi, dengan antisipasi ini kita bisa prepare vocab yang kira-kira bakal kita pake saat jelasin bagian itu. Jangan anggap ini sebagai beban karena kita harus mengingat lebih banyak, tapi anggep aja ini persiapan yang cukup. Kaya kalo berangkat perang lebih baik kita bawa 20 granat (walaupun jadi berat tas-nya) daripada tas kita enteng tapi ga bawa apa-apa kan? Nah selain kita sendiri yang menerka-nerka pertanyaan apa yang bakal keluar, minta dosen pembimbing dan temen-temen yang mau bantu bikin pertanyaan.

Inget, sesi tanya jawab mungkin sesuatu yang tidak bisa kita kontrol 100% karena kita ga tau apa yang bakal ditanyain dewan penguji, tapi PRESENTASI 100% DI TANGAN KITA. Sesuatu yang bisa kita kontrol. Kuncinya cuma 1, LATIHAN.

HARI H

Pas presentasi kan kita mempraktekkan hal-hal yang udah kita praktekkan di atas. Nah berikut yang perlu diperhatikan:

• Sapa dewan penguji dengan nama yah, jangan cuma dipanggil the examiners aja.
• Kalo keseleo lidah dan salah ngucapin sesuatu, gpp ulang aja sambil ketawa.
• Kalo ada yang lupa, tetap tenang dan kalau perlu liat atas sekilas untuk inget-inget lagi gpp, tapi jangan kelamaan liat atasnya, atau sedikit-sedikit liat atas, itu keliatan banget klo kita menghafal mati presentasi kita.
• Kalo pas ditanya usahakan untuk konsentrasi, karena akan menyebalkan kalo kita pardon pardon mulu dan minta penguji ngulang pertanyaan berkali-kali. Namun kalo emang ga ngerti ya gpp minta ulang dengan sopan, daripada ga bisa jawab. Nah kalo ga yakin sama pertanyaannya, tanya ulang untuk konfirmasi. “So, you mean why I choose two instead of one?” Jadi ini menghindarkan kita dari kejadian “udah terlanjur jawab panjang-panjang ternyata ga nyambung” dan juga memberi kita waktu sekitar 3 detik untuk siapin jawaban.
• Oya, jangan tergesa-gesa menjawab. Ambil nafas 2 detik sambil bilang “Okay” sembari mikir jawaban yang paling cocok. Gpp kok klo kita diem dulu untuk mikir sejenak (asal jangan kelamaan) daripada kita langsung jawab tapi malah ngaco.
• Saat menjawab, jangan malah pake nada kaya bertanya. Misalnya kita ditanya “Why do you use this theory?” nah tidak direkomendasikan bila menjawab dengan, “Because it suits my topic?”. Menjawab tapi bernada ga yakin, balik nanya, dan minta persetujuan. Do not ever do that.
• Kalo kita kebiasaan “arr.. err.. arr.. err..” saat lupa mau ngomong apa,  ganti aja pake kata-kata misalnya, “So,…” di awal kalimat, atau kalau ditengah, “we know”. Coba praktekin dulu pas latian, “kata-kata ngeles” mana yang paling cocok.
• Kalo ditanya, jangan menjawab yes or no, apalagi kalau pertanyaan Why, jangan cuma jawab dengan 1 kalimat. Memang ga boleh berbelit-belit, tapi setiap pertanyaan Why kan membutuhkan alasan, nah biasanya setiap alasan itu ada explanation atau contoh yang bisa dipake untuk memuaskan penguji dengan jawaban kita. Jangan jawab sekalimat lalu diem untuk ngeliat apakah penguji mancing atau nanya lagi. Apa yang perlu dijelaskan ya kita jelaskan dengan lengkap.
• Dilarang muter-muter. Memang ini susah dikontrol ketika kita kesulitan menjelaskan apa yang kita maksud, jadi yang paling enak adalah pake contoh yang mudah dimengerti semua orang.

Nervous pasti, tapi tetep senyum dan relax di depan penguji. Jangan anggap pertanyaan mereka sebagai serangan, anggep aja itu cuma curiosity atas karya kita.

Defense dengan keyakinan, makanya kuasai setiap millimeter skripsi kita. Sehingga kita ga mudah digoyahkan. Kalo kita sendiri ga yakin sama skripsi kita, gimana mau yakinin penguji? Buktikan kalau kita yang udah tidur sama skripsi ini selama 5 bulan, kita yang paling tau seluk beluknya. Namun kalau kita ga yakin dan akhirnya memang salah, akui dan minta maaf jangan debat lagi haha. Bilang kita akan revisi kesalahan kita dan terima kasih untuk inputnya.

Sekian dulu kayanya, hehe. Kalo ada yang mau ditambahin feel free to comment. I hope it can be useful for you guys. All the best for you. Fighting!

A NEW START, I START AGAIN

I will mark the thirtieth of July as the new start. Days ago, I'd been struggling with this "let go" thing. So in brief, I was supposed to let go something I liked, I loved, I adored so much, something which has been part of my life for years. Moreover, that something was not wrong. I thought it was not wrong. No problem to love that something, for bunny sake, I didn't harm, hurt, and injure anyone including myself. That something brought positive impact for me, made me happy, made me excited, made me laugh, made me cry for being touched. That something taught me about great values of life, broadened my imagination and creativity, and gave me excitement.

However, I had been wrong. What I had done by adoring and praising it apparently was not pleasing God. It can be said that I was addicted, too. I never knew that addiction of books or movies could be wrong. Now I have to admit that yes, I was wrong. All kind of addictions are wrong because without realizing it we had done idolatry. Moreover, what I liked contradicts the Bible. I had adored something God hates. Not only that, if I think it again, I even never read my Bible repeatedly for more than 10 times. I don’t remember all the characters and scenes in the Bible. I felt ashamed, really.

It’s not an easy decision, though. I’d loved it for 9 years. It’s difficult for me to let it go, to stop liking it and talking about it enthusiastically. I remained silent for a while, didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to hurt Him but I also couldn’t easily accept that what I liked had hurt Him. I still hardened my mind by thinking that it’s okay to keep liking it, it’s just a story! But I knew I’d lost the serenity every time I insisted and argued. Suddenly God reminded me of a story that I ever read and posted in my Facebook. The story about a pearl necklace. Of course I’d forgotten it, because I posted it in April 2010! It has been 1 year ago! I was surprised when I was reminded and yes, I knew that He comforted and convinced me to let go by reminding this story.

The Pearl Necklace Story

Jenny was a bright-eyed, pretty five-year-old girl.  One day when she and her mother were checking out at the grocery store, Jenny saw a plastic pearl necklace priced at $2.50. How she wanted that necklace and when she asked her mother if she would buy it for her, her mother said, "Well, it is a pretty necklace, but it costs an awful lot of money.  I'll tell you what. I'll buy you the necklace, and when we get home we can make up a list of chores that you can do to pay for the necklace.  And don't forget that for your birthday Grandma just might give you a whole dollar bill, too, Okay?"  Jenny agreed, and her mother bought the pearl necklace for her. Jenny worked on her chores very hard every day, and sure enough, her Grandma gave her a brand new dollar bill for her birthday.  Soon Jenny had paid off the pearls.

How Jenny loved those pearls. She wore them everywhere - to kindergarten, bed, and when she went out with her mother to run errands. The only time she didn't wear them was in the shower - her mother had told her that they would turn her neck green.

Now Jenny had a very loving daddy. When Jenny went to bed, he would get up from his chair every night and read Jenny her favorite story.

One night when he finished the story, he said, "Jenny, do you love me?"

"Oh yes, Daddy, you know I love you," the little girl said.

"Well, then, give me your pearls."

"Oh! Daddy, not my pearls!" Jenny said. "But you can have Rosy, my favorite doll.  Remember her? You gave her to me last year for my birthday And you can have her tea party outfit, too. Okay?"

"Oh no, darling, that's okay." Her father brushed her cheek with a kiss.  "Good night, little one."

A week later, her father once again asked Jenny after her story, “Do you love me?"

"Oh yes, Daddy, you know I love you."

"Well, then, give me your pearls."

"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls! But you can have Ribbons, my toy horse. Do you remember her?  She's my favorite.  Her hair is so soft, and you can play with it and braid it and everything. You can have Ribbons if you want her, Daddy," the little girl said to her father.

"No, that's okay," her father said and brushed her cheek again with a kiss.  "God bless you, little one. Sweet dreams."

Several days later, when Jenny's father came in to read her a story, Jenny was sitting on her bed and her lip was trembling.  "Here, Daddy," she said, and held out her hand. She opened it and her beloved pearl necklace was inside.  She let it slip into her father's hand.

With one hand her father held the plastic pearls and with the other he pulled out of his pocket a blue velvet box. Inside of the box were real, genuine, beautiful pearls. He had them all along.  He was waiting for Jenny to give up the cheap stuff so he could give her the real thing.

  

So it is with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasure.

Source: The Pearl Necklace

Yes, I can’t deny now that He wants me to let it go. It’s just me who had been naughty and deafening my ears. I was just too stubborn combined with fear that I had to let it go. It’s been part of my life and I held it dearly, really dearly. Just like the lyric from a song Lead me to the Cross sounds like this:

Everything I once held dear, I count it all as lost.

Now I realize, once I commit myself to Christ, I have to be ready to lose everything that doesn’t come from Him. Just like when we love someone, but God simply says that, “No, my daughter, he is not the one for you.” Yes we are sad, but simply obey. Our Father knows best. It will be difficult, it needs process, yet later we will be able and we win. Just like this pearl necklace. What I had held so dear for all this time was my imitation one. Although I loved it so much, I should just give it up. God doesn’t want me to keep it because it will restrain me from the true genuine pearl He has prepared for me. All I can say is just, thank you. Thank you for giving me strength to let it go. I can as long as I am with You. 

MOMMY I'VE GRADUATED FOR HE IS FAITHFUL!

For the sixteenth of July,

One of the promises which has been started by Jesus Christ 4 years ago, is accomplished perfectly today.

I still remember how my mom taught me to write my first alphabet on a piece of paper. She held my right hand to guide me creating one alphabet. It's an "a". We began with vowels and my favorite was "o" because it's so easy, we only needed to draw a circle. At that time my handwriting was terrible, but my mom patiently moved my hand. Gently. At that time, I was 3 years old.

Now 19 years has been passed since that day, and today I am officially a Bachelor of Literature. July 16 2011 is my crowning day. 4 years ago, I never thought I would wear this cap and robe. I never imagined that I would be a Bachelor. Let’s do a flashback to 4 years ago.

As I have ever told the story, when my friends were busy for their university entrance assessment, I did nothing at all. I didn’t think I would continue to any college since me and my mom didn’t even have more than 2 million in our account. College was a place where we spent hundred millions of money. That was what I thought. So, I even didn’t dare to dream.

My future seemed so dark, there was no a hint of light at all. I didn't know where I should continue my life after this. Would I just end up in Kediri, working? Would I return to Jakarta, working? I didn't know. Blessed that Christ came into my life at that time. He was not a hint of light. He was my sunshine shining brightly and dazzlingly. He said that I didn’t need to worry. I just needed to believe Him, that He has prepared a very bright future for me.

So my burden had been lifted up, and I felt free and had no worries. Although my friends had been accepted at their chosen universities and they had paid etc, I still did nothing. I didn’t know what God would do, I didn’t guess whether He would let me enter a college or give me a job, it’s up to Him, I just surrendered.

Until one day without I expected it, I was living in Kediri while God’s hand worked in Jakarta. He opened my way miraculously! First, His hands really opened my way from Kediri to Jakarta. My cousin and my uncle unexpectedly met in a restaurant in Jakarta and suddenly after they had a lil chit chat, voila, my uncle asked me to continue to university. So I just knew the story about their meeting after that offer. My uncle said he would help me to pay, even if he didn’t have that much money to guarantee that he would support me until I graduate, he just said that we shouldn’t think about what would happen next, just entered it first and let’s see.

If in the middle of my study he didn’t have money to pay then just dropped it out. Haha. I tell you, this uncle was not a rich uncle who had hundred millions in his account. No. He was jobless at that time. He only had about 10 million at that time. He even had no idea what we would use to pay the annual tuition fee. Amazing, eh? Then my uncle and my cousin suggested me to go to Binus just like my sister (cousin, too). It’s not too expensive there. Well, I never heard about Binus before. They said Bina Nusantara and it’s not too expensive. Okay, I thought it was a small and infamous university, but it’s okay then because God had given me chance to study so I was grateful enough. But when I gave this testimony to my fellowship prayer my dear Alpha Omega, they said that, “Are you kidding? Binus is famous! Only smart and rich people can get there because it’s expensive and the assessment test is difficult!” Well let me tell you that what my friends had heard was not true because it’s not too expensive compared to Petra, Untar, or UPH. After I passed the test it’s also not that killing, although it’s not easy too for me. But I can’t deny that Binus is famous, yes. Haha so I just realized that God never gives us good thing. He always gives the best! Of course Binus is not the best compared to UI, UGM, or even to go abroad. But it’s the best for me because He has a plan for me there.

So, I registered and I joined the 3^rd batch entrance assessment. It’s said that there would be aptitude test and English test. I went to Jakarta in March 2007 with supports and prayers from my beloved AO. Before the departure day, I spent weeks to study. I wanted to be responsible with the miracle God had given to me. I had to study well so that I could get the cheapest fee and it’s classified by grade A-D. When I got a bit lazy, I prayed and God gave me vision of a thorny iron ball that usually holds a prisoner behind the jail. He reminded me that my laziness would be a snare that could restrain me from His plan. So I got rid of that laziness and studied again.

He was so kind that he kept reminding and reminding me, until on the day I did the test, I really found it difficult! I was a villager, and I was not familiar with that kind of test, like what the synonym of incentive is. I didn’t know haha. And I thought there would be no Mathematic test since it’s not mentioned, but I had to face it too. It’s included in aptitude test. A simple mathematic just like in IQ test. Still, I was lame in Math. The English test was pretty okay, just like TOEFL test but the reading was difficult. So, after finishing the test I just could say that, O God, how if I didn’t get A? Who would pay for me? My uncle only had 10 million, and my mom sold her necklace for 2 million, and my uncle asked another uncle to help and we had 14 million now, exactly the number of payment that we needed if I got A. If I got B, then it would be 15,5 million, if I got C it would be 17 million and if I got D it would be 19,5 million. I wasn’t sure that I did the test well but I had done my best and I knew that God would take the rest.

While waiting for the result to come out, I and mommy went to Mangga Dua to buy materials for necklace. There she met her old friend! Can you guess what her friend said? They were talking about why we were there, to do the test bla bla bla, and her friend asked my mom what university I entered, what major, and my mom said English, in Binus, and she really made us shocked after that. She said that Atmajaya was the most famous university for English studies. Binus was not. Binus was famous for its Computer studies but not English. I should go to register to Atmajaya before it’s too late, they almost closed the registration!

Arrived at home, I and my mom were dizzy. How was it? Should we go to Atmajaya, before we paid anything to Binus? I cried again, I felt so confused. God, where did You want me to go? Why suddenly someone said that Atmajaya was better? Should I just register to Atmajaya, too? God simply putted a song in my heart, I sang it without I intend to do so. The lyric is like this: “Your promise is like a sun in the morning, that is never late to shine”. I was crying a river when hearing that song came out from my mouth. O yes, why confused? Why worry? His promise was never late. Even if I had to go to Atmajaya then He wouldn’t be late. After all, I just felt the serenity to stay, to choose Binus. I couldn’t explain why but after praying I felt that from the first time, I was just meant to be there.

The next day, I went to an internet cafe to check the result whether I was accepted or not and what grade I got. I was extremely happy when seeing that A on the screen. I felt like I wanted to scream out loud. God had done His part, He helped me to get A because He knew I had done my best. So after that we completed all the payment before we returned to Kediri for my National Examination.

Everything went smoothly until the day I returned back to where I was born. I started my POM (Orientation for New Students) in July and I just could say that I LOVED TO BE THERE! I LOVED THAT I WAS IN BINUS. I LIKED TO SEE THE UKM, HMJ, AND ALL ABOUT THAT. IT’S SO COLLEGE! Okay, I acted like a villager again but I do proud to be a villager so whatever, haha. I really loved that EXPO atmosphere. It felt so college, with creative and energetic students. I couldn’t stop thanking God that I was there.

I still can remember well when I was about to go to Jakarta to start this miracle, I asked my godmother, Mam Anik. “Mam, there will be a scholarship for students if my GPA can be higher than 3.5. Can I make it Mam?” and Mam Anik answered, “He who has started a great thing in you, He who will bring you to pass it.” Okay then, at that time I promised I would study well for my beloved Christ Jesus, my irreplaceable mommy, and also my incomparable godmother.

Well, then all that college life passed in tears and laughter, sweat and scream, healthy and ill, stressed out and relaxed, all those various feelings really colored my days! Until today that I have graduated, the point of this testimony is that God is truly FAITHFUL! What my godmom said is true, that He is faithful all the way. He who has started my study in University, He who has accomplished it well. I am allowed to study until I graduate even if not only my bank account but also my uncle’s was almost empty. How could we pay?

I got all the scholarship. The deduction started from the 3^rd semester. Here is the list:

3^rd semester: I paid Rp. 750.000,- while it’s supposed to be Rp. 2.750.000,-

4^th semester: I paid Rp. 250.000,- while it’s supposed to be Rp. 2.750.000,-

5^th semester: I paid Rp. 1.500.000, - while it’s supposed to be Rp. 2.750.000,-

6^th semester: I paid Rp. 500.000,- while it’s supposed to be Rp. 2.500.000,-

So the total amount is I have saved Rp. 7.750.000,-

Maybe it is not too WOW because it’s only 7 million anyway, but the best part is, it was sufficient with the money available at that time. When my uncle didn’t have money, I only had to pay Rp.250.000,- so I even didn’t need to ask him, I could pay using my saving from meal and boarding house. When I got only small deduction, my uncle had money at that time to pay. So I was never late to pay at all, always on time. Me, someone who entered college with no more than 2 million in my bank account, never late to pay! Ha! How great is our God! We had to pay Rp. 3.500.000,- every year as we called it BP3, and we made it though, I even didn’t remember how we could pass it every year. What I remember is, He is never late.

Not only money for tuition fee, because I lived in a boarding house I also needed money for daily needs. The weird yet amazing thing was that God, never let me hungry. Even if I had no money remained in my bank account, I always be able to eat. I still could save some money for emergency, and yes there was an emergency moment when my mom couldn’t support my daily needs again before I looked for job at that time. So I had to spend my saving and yet God is still faithful. He never let me lack of something. I could pay internet when I needed it, I could afford my projects, I could pay for what I needed to pay. Even the single thing of this college thing was never missed from His hand. Still, I had to control my outcome. When I thought I didn’t need it then I wouldn’t spend it. Not that I worried I would be lack of money, I just learned to be wise to spend what God had trusted me to handle.

After all, God is really amazing. If today I can graduate in time, it’s him who looks after me. He who has prepared all and opened the way, he who has been with me and never leaves me for even a single second. He who listens and answers my prayers. He who gave me ability to get the scholarship. Not that I am clever because I am not, but that I did my best and let him take the rest. That I leaned on him and not using my own strength. That I obeyed and did not cheat. That is the reason why I never gave answers to my friends if they asked me in exams. Not that I was stingy and didn’t want to help my friends. It’s just my commitment with Him.

I also can know what His plans are now, why Binus? Why English Literature? Because all His plans are awesome! God keeps my track wherever I go. Never, He let me walk outside His path. My gratitude can’t be described through these millions of words. Still, I want to praise and sing and dance and rejoice because Our God is Faithful.

Now, let’s finish the flashback and return to the day of Graduation. In the morning of the day, I woke up and hoped for a bouquet of flowers. Tee-hee, actually I’d been wishing for it since years ago. I just think that it will be sweet if someone gives me flower on my graduation day. But on the day too, I realized that I hadn’t had a boyfriend. Usually boyfriend gives flower to his girlfriend on her graduation day, in my thought. So, it’s okay then. No flower today. Unexpectedly, when I was chatting in AO group, my godmom shared a picture of yellow and red roses and wrote a message like this:

Flowers for my beloved Edwig on her graduation day with love and prayer from: Heri Anik + Michael Matthew. We are so proud of you and thankful to God to send you into our lives.

Hueeee, I started crying immediately. It’s only a picture I know, but it’s so sweet! Haha, really touched my heart! She also asked my address and favorite color because Om Heri wanted to send a graduation card.  From Australia! How I love you! So, I just hoped for flowers and I got it, from my sweet godmom. Then, I went to the salon with mommy before going to JCC, and someone just called me and said that he was in JCC and there was a bouquet of flowers (real, this time!) delivered for me. Uh-oh. I hadn’t arrived yet! But then later I found out that the bouquet came from my beloved friends, Ernest, Bulu, Tempe, and Bolot. They were in Surabaya by the way. What a surprise! I really got a bouquet of flowers just like I wished for!

At that time I was reminded of a verse in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for thee”. O yes Lord. His grace is sufficient for me, just like what my godmom always teaches us, “With Christ your life is 100%. Without boyfriend it’s still 100%. With boyfriend then it’s also 100%. It’s only in Christ that your life is completed and fulfilled”. Right 100%!!! I didn’t have a boyfriend who could give me a bouquet of flower, yet still I got it from my beloved friends and family in Christ! I was so overwhelmed with joy. I felt extremely blessed to have them. Besides, I treated that bouquet dearly since that is my first bouquet in my life! Hahaha.

After all, my college journey can be concluded in several posts. Those are:

The whole short story from semester 1 to 7  COLLEGE: LOVE LIVE LAUGH

Binus Routine ABOUT BINUS

The Last Holiday DO NOTHING HOLIDAY

Special semester 7 STRUGGLE IN THE LAST SEMESTER

Acknowledgment MY BIGGEST GRATITUDE

Soft Cover Submission Day THE DAY OF SUBMISSION

The Coming Schedule DATE OF HORROR

Days before the Defense FAITH NEVER FAILS

Thesis Defense Day DAY OF FREEDOM

Collection from Binus BINUS COLLECTION

Farewell Syndrome CAMPUS MISS TO BE

Organization HEART MY HIMSI

For the closing, Mr. Irfan asked me to make a testimony of 150 words about English Department as alumnae. So, here it is:

English Department has been a fun and perfect place for me to spend these 4 years in university. In 2007, I excitedly started to learn about not only language, but also technology and culture. I learnt not only Ms. Word, Excel, and Powerpoint, but also InDesign and Adobe Photoshop. For culture, we had Indonesian, British, American, and Australian. They were such a complete package! Therefore, besides learning Grammar, speaking and listening, reading books, and writing papers, I was given chances to design a magazine, create a play, and explore my creativity through some projects. I even haven't mentioned what we can get from the specializations. I chose Tourism and I learnt about travel, marketing, and hospitality. Those subjects made each semester has its own challenges. The most memorable part of this department was the wonderful lecturers who helped me in many aspects. They will be the ones I miss the most. Not forget to mention the student association, HIMSI. All I can say is, I just love this department. So much!

O great! I really write a super duper extra ultra mega giga long testimony. I better end it now. Last, I just want to say:

God has been awesome and will always be.