THE DAY OF FREEDOM

Now! Since I've been free like forever, I have much time for blogging and writing and of course, sharing my story of a blissful-heart-pinching-day here! Yesterday, February the Eighteenth is my memorable day I won't forget for about 1000 years ahead, because it was the day of freedom + execution. 

After reading Amel's story about how the executors grilled her and how she managed to grill them back (Yay! Salute for you!), I'd been worried about how I didn't have that capability in grilling the examiners, because:

1. I made not-a-few-mistakes in my thesis, like grammatical errors.

2. I had difficulties in delivering what my heart wanted to say through my mouth.

3. I didn't think I could grill my lecturers since they are the experts while I am the student! Haha.

Yet, that day had to come and I, wanted it or not, had to be ready. Ready or NOT.

I will write the stories before this incredible day in another post, about the miracles before Feb 18th. But here I want to emphasize how at that day I had no worries and fears anymore. Maybe 1% nervous, but the 99% was excited feeling, what a perfect combination, eh? Want to know why? Because I believed, that I had got enough supports and prayers that make me strong. Really, since days before 18th my friends had started to pray and convince me, not forget to mention how they calmed me down every time when that shaking-effect thumped my heart! So at THE DAY, I'd lost it all and felt relax. I still couldn't digest my food well, to be honest, and together with Titin, we only ate half portion of rice and still, there's some left. At that time I only thought that, okay, it all ends here, this scary-day-I'd-been-afraid-of-for-about-10-days-and-haunting-my-night will end today, it's just a matter of time, so why worry, why afraid, A or B, at least it's God's will. 

So, I woke up at about 5, and I read again my thesis & list of questions and answers. At 6 I got sleepy again and I slept again until 7.30, then I fixed my slide and took a bath. Not forget to mention, after that I checked my Twitter and my kind-hearted English fellas & Petra & AO dearly fellas had encouraged me and convinced me that I would get A. At that time all I could say was "Amen", although I felt like receiving heavier burden haha, because if later I got B then I would make them all disappointed. However, that feeling only remained for seconds, then I practiced with Agnes for the power-point slide, and went to Titin's boarding house to practice with her & Unyil. After that we changed clothes into that "nerdy-costume" and you know what? Unyil said I looked like a cashier! OMG! Hahaha, like I was about to go to supermarket?

Yeah, 12 p.m we were heading to Kijang Campus after that indigestible-eating-process,  and waited like forever because until 1.20 the examiners hadn't come yet. We started to get nervous because we were afraid that we would get the-assassin-type-of-executors! :p

Our friends, one by one or two by two, started to arrive and made the atmosphere more relaxing. At 1.40 the mans-behind-black-curtains came and the secret was revealed! I got Mr. Wishnoesoebroto and Mam Ienneke as the examiners! Oh my, I & Titin felt like wanna faint at that time, because we had never been taught before by Mr. Wishnoe, and my seniors said both of them are semi-perfectionist, so I just thought, A seemed like slide a lil bit further, like 1 cm further, tee-hee. But okay then, we had to face it right away! And I kept reminding myself, many people had prayed and supported me, and God Himself had proven how Faith never Fails! So I convinced myself that everything would be alright and we entered the court-room to get the turn.

And I got the last turn!!! We only had 3 students that day, and I got the 3rd! HAHA, really, I was so happy that some of my friends were around, so that I didn't get bored while waiting. And the first student is a senior, she only used 30 minutes! Titin as the second turn entered the room and only took 30 minutes also!! And you know why? Because the examiners said they didn't have anything to ask her! Like, what?? How lucky you are! Hahaha. Okay, my turn then, LET'S FACE IT!

In class, my friends who sat in front of me were about 20 people! And I knew it, when I saw their faces, I could reduce my nerve. But I never really imagined, that it felt much more BETTER! Because I felt like I was in Research Seminar Class! Not a thesis-defense or oral examination or judgement class! It was really awesome! Then I started my presentation and I was happy enough that it went 95% smoothly and less than 15 minutes. 95% only because that 5% of not-smooth-part is when I mispronounced words like "behaviorally" or "conscientisation". Hehehe, and what encouraged me more was when I was presenting, I saw the examiners' face and Mam Ienneke kept nodding every time I talked. Like she agreed with every thing I said, hahaha what a nice feedback Mam Ien, I love you! :D

On the other hand, Mr. Wishnoe looked at my presentation without expression and sometimes his face scowled. I kept thinking whether he didn't like my presentation or what, but I moved on and after long explanation, he nodded steadily, like completely agreed at the end! Ha! What a relieved feeling at that time!


These were the power-point slides:

See the last slide? I liked that picture so much so I put it in, and Mam Ien asked me, "This question is out of topic, but I wonder what does it mean? It all ends here? What ends here? Is it the movie or what?" and Mr. Wishnoe added, "Yes, what will we do if Hogwarts is burnt like that?" Hahaha, and I answered, "Yes it's the movie that ends here, but also my battle. My battle in university ends here!" Hehe.

Then after I finished the presentation, I sat in front of them. Mam Ien asked me first, and because she asked in a very nice tone, I didn't feel afraid at all, but she had some tricky questions, like: 

"You said women have broken the stereotype that although they are easily crying it doesn't symbolize weakness, but how are your responses about the opera-soap nowadays? You see, now most of men are crying all the time. How does it reflect gender stereotype?"

And I gave her a silly answer! I said because nowadays people get more interested in heart-touching series, so that MAYBE (I even didn't realize I used this forbidden word! My friend told me later) that's why they make that kind of portrayal of men. And it's surely broken gender stereotype also."

And she gave me her point of view and I said, "Yes, MAYBE (again!) it can be a further research!" Hahaha. And she laughed.

While I am typing this I've just realized how I made many silly answers yesterday! This was not supposed to be good because I was drowned in the easy-relaxing-atmosphere and didn't answer seriously! But I answered it honestly and sincerely. When Mam Ien asked me about the effect of my analysis to my self, I answered that it changed my mindset that women doesn't need to wait or depend on men, they have to bring out their own qualities. 


Then she asked me how about the effect for the readers? What she can get from my thesis, what is the benefit after reading my thesis? I answered, "Ehm, since you are a woman..", and Mr. Wishnoe said, "Yeah okay just pretend that I'm not here." HAHA, UH-OH, I really had used the wrong and stupid sentence! Then I revised it quickly by saying (and laughing), "No, I mean I'll divide the effect for both woman and man. I'll start with woman first," then I explained how women had carried the burdens because of the stereotype and by reading my thesis they could be more aware that they didn't need to wait or depend on men because they could shine with their own qualities and abilities, and I continued, "As for men, I think the effect is that men can more appreciate women!" HAHAHA THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY A VERY STUPID ANSWER OH MY GOD, I EVEN CAN'T BELIEVE HOW CAN I ANSWER IN SUCH A WAY! Mr. Wishnoe immediately shook his head and said, "No? I don't?" But fortunately he was laughing and what could I do? I only laughed also and am really shameful. I wanted to add my explanation, gave the more specific answer for what I meant but they seemed didn't consider my answer as a problem, so I remained silent. 

After Mam Ien was satisfied, it's Mr. Wishnoe's turn to grill me. I think I could answer his questions pretty good, because he kept saying, "Yes, I agree", "Yes, I agree", and he also said how he knew Harry Potter's stories so well because he's a hard fans of it, and I said, "I know," and he replied, "Oh you know? Wow then you must have been thinking that I'm childish," haha, and I laughed. He kept delivering jokes through the Q & A session, how he was surprised when finding out Hermione ended up with Ron, and Harry with Ginny? What happened with Cho? Really, I really laughed out loud at that time. We were discussing Cho in my thesis defense? Seriously, I couldn't be surprised more! He was an awesome examiner!


And he gave me her opinion for my thesis, about how I should stated the cultural or philosophical background I used for the analysis, how Hermione can be weak too when she deals with Ron, how I should stated clearly the way I concluded it into gender equality, and he really gave me many useful inputs! And I just thought, he gave his opinion more than I gave mine, hehe good for me! Maybe he knew that I'd been mastering this topic in every vessel in my blood so he didn't ask too much? Then that what-supposed-to-be-deadly-session ended. My friends clapped their hands (Oh guys, I felt so much appreciated, you guys are so kind!), and we went outside to wait for the result. (Only 10 minutes they said!)

My friend Yenny & Yannica said they saw Mr. Wishnoe checked all the "A" columns in the assessment form. I hoped it was true but I didn't dare to believe it first until it's officially announced, and then after 5 minutes, the examiners called us to come in, and they said that I & Titin got A. A!!! A!!! We shook hands and said Thank You, but I couldn't see the examiners because my eyes had been filled with tears, haha. I knew it's so weird to cry in this happy situation, but I couldn't hold it. I'd been worrying and being emotional about this for days! My mom sewed my black skirt with love and she had to slept late at night and what I wanted to give in return is that pretty sweet "A" letter for her. And I finally did it! I was and am and will be sooooooooooo HAPPY like forever! Because based on my own judgement, it's almost impossible to get A. I made many grammatical errors, and systematic that dealt with APA style, and my analysis was not such a deep analysis, it's simple actually, and I thought my mentor dear Mam Asma wouldn't give me high score because during the mentoring process I kept making her confuse haha. 


It's really a miracle that the examiners didn't really dispute my grammatical and systematical errors. I myself also believed that the quality of our content is much more important that the systematic but of course it's only my point of view. While in thesis, which means Scientific Writing, we have to write scientifically, which means, again, involving grammar, APA style, logical thinking, bla, bla, and bla. It's such a blessing and miracle that God gave me Mr. Wishnoe and Mam Ienneke (whereas Mam Ien is a Scientific Writing's lecturer), who could appreciate my effort enough to say that I deserved A. Thank you so much my lovely lecturers! And why I said "almost", because what had kept me believing that there's still a hope is only my faith. Only faith. 

So I really dedicate this miraculous "A" for You Jesus Christ who kindly reminds and reminds me over and over again these days! And also my sweet mommy! Next is for my Godmother Mam Anik who always prays for me, and not forget my uncle, brother, sister, AO & Petra's friends for their prayers! And specially, for my mentor Mam Asma for convincing me & Titin that we had done the wonderful jobs, also my English Department fellas who had come and created the most-relaxing-atmosphere-in-the-judgement-day I'd ever seen! Thank you guys! Not forget again, my great honor for Miss Mita my Literary Criticism's lecturer who introduced me to Helene Cixous, Mr. Akun who reminded me to come back to Helene Cixous when I wasn't sure with her, haha, and Mr. Comi for telling me that I'm stupid if I don't read. And my like-brother-lecturer Mr. Anddy Steven for, EVERY THING, don't ask me to write what that 'everything' is because I'll spend the whole night. Thank you so much!  

That has been a very wonderful experience for my thesis defense day and lemme tell you what are the sentences that really had lighten up my spirit yesterday. It comes from Mr. Wishnoe.

"I really agree with your analysis and you have put the exactly right theory. It's a very suitable theory from Helene Cixous, (like nothing can suit it best!) and I really agree."

YAY! I'm so happy to hear that Sir, that you, as a hard-fans of Harry Potter and master of literature and culture, can AGREE with me! Hehehe. 

And my friends said I looked like a hi-school student, also. How come? I looked so mature there!! Tee-hee!

These pictures were taken before I stepped into the court room. Only two, hiks~

Then after the announcement we went to Pelangi for the sky-dining. We are 19 students of English Department! It's a record that we could go together with that bunch of people! Hehe, yeah, and it's my first experience for sky-dining (photos here), so all I can say is just awesome, again! (seems like I have no other vocabularies!) Then HGVM minus Nyet went to Jen's house for the sleepover! Today we woke up and played with Nicole, Jen's niece, and did karaoke till 3 p.m, and I today I went home and hug my mom at 5! HA! What a complete blessed-days, thank you Father Jesus! :D