Friday, January 20, 2017

GOD IS IN TOMORROW, AGAIN

Welcome. You are about to read The Cleaner Diaries, a very intriguing secretive heart-pouring piece of writing revealed from the diary of an extraordinary cleaner.

Just kidding. I am not extraordinary at all, judged from my not-so-clean-house.

Prologue: I thought I was going to finish my study by July, and I would move to Rockingham after in August. So my plan was to look for a full-time job related to my field of study, but meanwhile I still needed to do my part-time cleaning job, until I got another job. However, Karrinyup is like 3 hours by train and bus, round trip. Of course, I wouldn't be able to continue working there, even though I really loved my workmates.  

Sat, 18 June 2016,
Going to work as usual, and when I finish my shift I go to see my manager to give her wedding invitation. We discuss about how I am going to move to Rockingham in August, and she said we have Airlite (the company where I work) in Rockingham Shopping Centre! She also knows the manager well, so she said she can easily transfer me down! I just need to give her 2 weeks notice if I want to move. Woo-hoo, at least I get a job secured when I move later. So happy!

Tue, 21 June 2016,
My pastor and my lecturer ask me why I am still living on campus in Karrinyup, while my husband is down there. Then, I think, yea, why don't I move now since we are married anyway, and my study is almost finished. But I have told my manager I will transfer in August, there is no way they have shift available all of a sudden. Meh, then I have to travel all the way from Rocko to Karrinyup to do my 4 hour-shift. But, okay then, at least if I move now I don't need to pay rent anymore. Okay! We decide to move on 28 June!

Mon, 27 June 2016,
Hooray, tomorrow I am going to catch up with my ex-workmate in Karrinyup! Then maybe tomorrow I can see my manager and let her know I am moving soon.

Tue, 28 June 2016,
In the morning I get a text, saying:
"Hi Martina. I know you said you will move in August, but the manager from Rocko just rang me and asked if you want to start earlier, someone just quits and they need a cleaner, it's a good shift you get weekend, too!"

Then I reply:
"YES I WANT! Actually I plan to see you today and ask if I can transfer earlier because I am moving down tonight. It's funny that you text me first! I will see you this afternoon!"

Then I see her and WHAT A BLESSING, they really need someone urgent because the lady who just quits has a lot of problem and she quits all of a sudden. But maybe I will start in 2 weeks, just coz, maybe my manager needs time to find my replacement. Then she said, "Can you start there this Thursday?"

Eh, ehm, WHAT? So I said, "Yes, but what about my shift in Karrinyup?"
She said, "Nah, don't worry about that I can easily find a replacement".
UUU-YEAH! I am moving down tonight and I can start my job in Rocko this Thursday! WHAT A GOOD TIMING!

The only downside is, I don't have time to say goodbye to my workmates. LOL. But they will come to the wedding reception anyway. So it's okay. 

Wed, 30 June 2016,
Going to Rocko Shopping Centre to meet my new manager, get my new uniform, and talk about my shift. So I get Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday (all morning), and Sunday afternoon. Not bad, This is just temporary, tho. 

In the afternoon, I get the news about my visa and how I should study for another year. #canyouhearmyscatteredplan

So I have to do this cleaning job for another year, because this job is the best in terms of time and money. NOW I AM SO GRATEFUL THAT I DIDN'T JUST QUIT MY JOB OTHERWISE I WILL BE JOBLESS WITHOUT KNOWING I HAVE TO PAY ANOTHER 18.000 BUCKS!

I am worried, tho. My class is usually Tuesday to Thursday. If it interferes with my shift, then it will be a problem, because this shift is not flexible to change and adjust. Praise God, after discussing with my college, I can do Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, plus two independent classes. BUT, I can't do Old Testament Theology, which I really want, because it's on Tuesday morning. Oh well, life's tough. #wipingmyrunningsnot 

Mon, 15 August 2016,
Week 3 of the semester. Suddenly I get an email from Airlite saying there's a roster change. Uh-wow, this is a big change, directly from the head office, and not happened often! Everyone is affected. AND GUESS WHAT??? MY SHIFT IS THURSDAY NIGHT, SATURDAY MORNING, AND SUNDAY FULL! Similar to what I did in Karrinyup! This is sooo GOOD for my study, less hours same income! And this is Week 3, which means I still can change my unit! So I ring college and say I want to do Old Testament Theology!!! YAY finally I can do OT Theology this semester! Praise God! 

Epilogue:
Sooo, when I write this I have been working in Rocko for almost seven months. Oh wow. Time flies. It still amazes me that God doesn't only provide me with a job, but also changes my shift in such a way that I can do the unit I wanna do. Btw, this is the sequel of God is in My Tomorrow, my first story about funny 'coincidental' job search in Australia.

"Where God guides, He provides."


Monday, December 28, 2015

IT'S TIME TO KISS 2015 GOOD BYE

"Sometimes, it's the journey that teaches you 
a lot about your destination."
Drake

Few days left before the end of this year! It also marks the 3/4 of my journey as a post-graduate student in this country. Continuing my previous post In the Middle of the Story, I want to thank Him for being faithful all this time. Just another six-months to go, but I am still in the middle of the story. The story of struggle, learning, growth, discovery, and exploration as one phase of my life.

So, I finished my graduate diploma in June and started my Master in August. Gee, suddenly all my lecturers become way more strict with my grammar, which I can understand, considering this level of study. It's just a bit of a shock that previously, I wrote my assignment just as how every sentence came to my mind, and I got a good mark, while now I applied the same method and I got called to the office and was asked by my lecturer, "What are you talking about in this essay, I don't understand. Does it make sense to you?" and I would answer, "Yeah, it makes sense to me", haha. Talking about syntax, grammar, and sentence structures, duh. Then, I was always hesitant to ask people to proofread my assignment, just because I didn't like to bother people. I know reading a 2000 word-assignment is such a pain and it takes time, so I just felt, as long as people can understand my point, minor grammatical mistakes sure won't be a problem? But yeah, it is a problem now. 

I don't know why, but I am sure my fellow students can relate to this, you know, the feeling when you can't think of anything when the assignment is not due yet? Then when the time is tight, suddenly inspirations come and I feel super intelligent. Not that I don't want to admit it's procrastination, but seriously, I tried to do my assignment in advance. But there's always something that hinders me from doing it. Like the internet was suddenly off, or something like that (#anotherexcuse). Then time passed and I would, as usual, spend the last weeks of the semester staying in the library until 1 every night, like for 6 consecutive weeks. Strangely, usually those 'last' essays and reports get the highest marks, haha. And the good news is, now I have a proofreader who is happy to read all my assignment! But it's all a happy ending (at least for this semester), although I was dragging myself with baggy eyes and tons of coffee, and although the result is not as good as the first semester (I told you, it gets harder, hehe), I am happy my third semester is done.

As for my job, I am still faithful and loyal (#um) to my cleaning company and shopping centre. They did change my roster, tho. Now I have my 8 hour-Sunday back, and the rest 8 hours are Thursday night and Saturday in the food court. I was so happy that they moved me to food court because it means no more night cleaning (yes!), less dealing with the toilets, and when the food court gets quiet I can chat with my workmates, so less boring. But does it mean I am less tired? Nope. Does it mean I will stop saying I am tired? Nope! Haha. Does it mean there is less drama?? Big nopeeee! Especially this busy Christmas season, one of the tenants was super horrible to us, the innocent staff. It turned out well, tho, thanks to my super cool manager who always defends me. I can laugh about it once everything is over, but it was not so pleasant when things happened (listen to the cry of this miserable cleaner, hehe just kidding). Then for Christmas I work my b*tt off especially in these three weeks, but it's okay it's all worth it! Now I can rest because it's over. Well not really, I still have my own regular shifts to do, just no extra shifts. But still.

Then, this year is special because I meet someone special. Hehe. I'll just enjoy this time together and see how things go. Summer is here. Everything is extra hot. I always know Perth is beautiful, but now that I have someone to share it with, everything becomes way moooore exquisite (I even get this vocab from him, lol). The beach, the waves, the stars, the flowers, the bush, the city, the mountain. I am grateful for this year, and let me welcome the new year and the next adventure in excitement, wondering what's ahead. I have to admit, sometimes I fear. I have to keep reminding myself, that God has been faithful, and He will always be.


Love,

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

THE DISCIPLES OBEY


Book Review
The Cost of Discipleship
by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Bonhoeffer, D 1995, The Cost of Discipleship, Touchstone: New York. 316 pp.

“Only he who believes is obedient, and only he who is obedient believes” (p. 63) may sum up the whole theology of discipleship presented by Bonhoeffer in this book, since these two propositions appear again and again as the emphasis on how faith comes from obedience and obedience generates faith. These two must come together because if we only focus on one of them, it might result in either the danger of “cheap grace” or “salvation through works”, which is the false interpretation and understanding of following Jesus (p. 68). Using the Sermon on the Mount in the gospel of Matthew, Bonhoeffer portrays his view on how discipleship is supposed to be applied in the light of free grace, yet costly. This book review will focus more on how to respond to Bonhoeffer’s view through physical, emotional, and spiritual dimension personally, existentially, and theologically.

Bonhoeffer defines cheap grace as “the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, communion without confession, absolution without personal confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross” (pp. 43-47), basically like we enjoy parking our car under the rain and has this grace wiper to wipe the water on and on, just to let it be wet again, that “grace alone does everything, and so everything can remain as it was before”. On the other hand, costly grace is like once we have our car wiped, we take action and drive to the dry place, trying hard to keep it dry, or as described nicely by Bonhoeffer, “the treasure hidden in the field; for the sake of it a man will gladly go and sell all that he has, the gospel which must be sought again and again, the gift which must be asked for, the door at which a man must knock.” He then adds that such grace is costly because we are called to follow, but it is grace because it is Jesus whom we follow. This grace costs His life, but it gives us life. It condemns our sins but justifies us the sinners. Therefore, this costly grace is to be protected and valued, not to be thrown away just because it is free (p. 47). Basically if I may illustrate his principle, it looks like this.

According to Bonhoeffer, obedience means “to rely on Christ’ word and cling to it as offering greater security than all the securities in the world” (p. 79). Emphasizing on the importance of this grace, he challenges us to think whether we have treated grace cheaply all this time. It is dangerous to be too left because it is cheap grace, but it is dangerous to be too right because it is legalism. He asserts that the ways we reason and negotiate with the Scriptures, although sometimes may not be intentional, look like we have tried to fit the Scriptures into our own comfort. Yet, he also states that the real problem is when we put so much “burdensome rules and regulations, false hopes and consolations – that it has become extremely difficult to make a genuine decision for Christ”. Preaching is so hard to understand, overburdened with ideas and expressions. So many people come to church with a genuine desire to hear what we have to say, yet they are always going back home with the uncomfortable feeling that we are making it too difficult for them to come to Jesus” (pp. 35-36). So is it too easy or too hard, how easy is too easy so that it will not be cheap grace, and how hard is too hard so that it will not be legalism?

Meanwhile, from how he treats the Sermon on the Mount, he looks like taking it quite literally, yet he made a good point about degrading Jesus’ words by giving the example of father who asks his child to sleep in the case of obedience (p. 81). This challenges me to think whether we have seen obedience and grace lightly all this time, as he suggests, that “we are trying to evade the literal obedience”, and whether there is a need to change, since Bonhoeffer believes that “we must take the call of discipleship more seriously than ever” (p. 49). So, is it true that by not taking Jesus’ commands (sometimes literally), we have misinterpreted the Bible and failed to be obedient? Or does the ways to treat it differ depending on the aspects of life?

The Sermon on the Mount covers so many aspects, including community, righteousness, relationship, lust, truthfulness, revenge, love, rituals, and devout lives, which I am going to categorize into three dimensions, physical, emotional, and spiritual. So, the first dimension I am going to talk about is this physical context in becoming disciple. Jesus was talking about being the salt and light of the world, which I believe include sharing the gospel to those who haven’t heard. However, seeing it from the physical perspective, how far should we go in obeying His command to share the good news? Seeing it from the fact that Bonhoeffer died as a martyr (Robertson, 1966, pp. 10-12), he took this quite literally. As he states (pp. 60-62) that “if needed, the law must be broken for the sake of Jesus. Our faith cannot mean sitting and waiting anymore”. Should then Christians unite and destroy ISIS? If we say “No, it’s not wise, that’s not what Jesus wants”, are we treating grace cheaply, not willing to lose the lives which actually do not belong to us anymore? I think the case of obedience applies when we are sure Jesus wants us to do something and we have to choose whether to obey or not. It is true that “suffering is the badge of true discipleship”, and that in order to pass suffering, it has to be endured, just like how Jesus drinks from the cup of wrath (pp. 91-92). However, we also can learn from the gospel (like in Matthew 10:23) that we should not rush and seek martyrdom, because He does not call us to intentionally try to lose our lives, yet He expects us to be willing to lose it for Him. 

The same case as money, which is an important issue since long time ago, and gets worse nowadays. How should we deal with it as His disciples? Should we work and give our money to people, because we believe God will provide for us anyway? As long as we have enough then we can share the rest. However, if every Christian think this way, then there will be no source of funding, because all this time actually Christians support each other financially in the mission field. Then what does it mean to be disciples when dealing with lust? It is natural and biological as human. I knew that when Jesus said cut your part of body he doesn’t mean it to be literal (or did He?), Bonhoeffer also questions that. I believe it is an act of obedience to choose abstinence before marriage. It is an act of obedience to immediately repent when it is in our mind. It is obedience to not compromise and put ourselves in temptation. But to not really think about it all, I don’t think that is possible, because temptation is always there no matter how hard we try to avoid it.

The second dimension is to see it within emotional context, this includes relationships and feelings, and interests. We as humans have to deal with emotions every day, and Jesus also mentioned about it. How we shouldn’t revenge and instead, love our enemies. How we should stop judging others and instead, love them. How we should let go our anxiety, and instead, love His plan. These things cannot be done except by our willingness to obey Him, and I understand that. How we should forgive someone, and “give another cheek”. But does that mean we allow them to hurt us over and over again? Should we stop pursuing our own happiness and desire, and instead, love what God loves. How does we apply obedience here? Do we then have our own value of existence? Shall we follow our interest? Does it even matter? 

Seen from the existentialist’s point of view, Jesus does demand “authentic individual obedience” and the worst that can happen to human is losing ourselves (Macquarrie, 1973, pp. 20-21). We are not supposed to be afraid to lose our lives, but how about us as a person in our existential being? Jesus lost His life, but not His name, memory, authority, desire to love us, interest in ministry, etc. He did not lose Himself. Then the question is, if everything is about God, is there anything about me at all? Because I believe that our interest, hope, intelligence, sexual desire, and talent are not random things, as long as we subject them to Christ, those are put by God in our hearts in order to glorify Him. 

The third dimension I am looking at is spiritual which I use to categorize everything related to our devout lives, like prayers and religious rituals as mentioned there. Jesus points out the tendency for us to pray in front of people, the way we show people that we are fasting, and He mentions us to keep the secrecy, or the hiddenness of prayer as stated by Bonhoeffer. However, it doesn’t mean that we cannot pray in public at all. The problem is not the place of prayer, but the fact “that they may be seen by men” (Geisler & Howe, p. 334, 2008).

From those three aspects of our being, I think the way we deal with Jesus’ words depends on our motivations and perspectives in our existence as a human being. If we have right motivations and perspectives, with the Holy Spirit dwelling in us, we will have this wisdom to know His will and obey that. By treating grace cheaply I think we just act like the guest without proper garment in the parable of the Wedding Banquet (Matthew 22). Surely we are still sinners and will still stumble along the way, but wouldn’t our hearts desire to seek what is pleasing God if we love Him? Therefore, I believe that the right motivations and perspectives lead us to obedience that generates faith. 

In conclusion, faith requires obedience because it is the first step, and obedience requires faith because discipleship is not limited to what you can comprehend, as Luther said that “it must transcend all comprehension” (Bonhoeffer, pp. 93-96). Therefore obedience comes from within, from our Spirit (spiritual), to our soul (emotional), and body (physically), with the right motivation and perspective. Like how we can know whether we have been too left or too right, too cheap or too legalistic, all depends on what motivates us to do something and how we see it, because for me obedience comes as a result of a humble heart, while legalism is the contrary.


Bibliography

Bonhoeffer, D 1995, The cost of discipleship, 1st ed, Touchstone, Simon & Schuster, New York.

Geisler, NL & Howe, TA 2008, The big book of Bible difficulties: clear and concise answers from Genesis to Revelation, Baker Books, Grand Rapids, MI.

Macquarrie, J 1973, An existentialist theology: a comparison of Heidegger and Bultmann, Pelican books, Penguin, Harmondsworth, England.

Robertson, EH 1966, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Makers of contemporary theology, Carey Kingsgate Press, London.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

GOD AND HIS STORY

A Lecture Reflection

The Old Testament might be a difficult set of books to read, or at least for me. I remember in my early phase of Christian life, my Bible was colourful in the New Testament part and sticky in the Old Testament part, simply because I was not interested at all to read it. I thought, why bothered with confusing stories if we could have Jesus spoken directly to us in the gospels and letters about things which were more applicable to our daily lives, like love, peace, joy, and relationship, in comparison to war, weird culture, sacrifice, tradition and rituals, and many other things. 

However, learning to see the Bible as a narrative, particularly the Old Testament with its plot, characters, setting, and other elements has totally changed my perspective, even on the accountability and credibility of the Bible itself. As stated by Brisben & Klein (2012, p. 326), the failure in understanding the Old Testament as a story can lead to pious and religious legalism. It is important to read the Old Testament for its doctrine and theology, however, it is not enough for our spiritual formation, because we will only have “heads without hearts”. This is personally true for me, because the way God tells us this story shows the relationship He wants to have with us, just like a father who reads story to his son every night, instead of giving a set of certain rules to be followed. It is supposed to have transformational power which can provide growth in faith and life, as also mentioned by Corcoran (2007, p. 34).

I remember when I was asked, “Why is it so hard for you to read the Old Testament but it is so easy for you to read a set of seven novels with the thickness of a dictionary?” I just thought I did not understand and it was hard, but now I realise maybe because I treated it wrongly. Song (2008, p. 28) explains beautifully that a story “grips you in the depths of your hearts and minds, forces you to look deeply into yourself and into human nature”. I never feel so engaged with the Old Testament and its characters before, which could be the reason why it was so enjoyable to read those seven novels instead. Song (2008, p. 28) continues that a story make us relate ourselves to others, to the world, nature, and also with God. So, it is theological to treat the Old Testament as a story because it relates the relation between human being and God.

The biggest problem in reading the Bible, besides the different historical, cultural, and geographical issues, is the different stories occurred in different books, which often leads to confusion. Therefore, the first lecture points out the importance of treating it as a story; that it was told by people and should be seen through perspective. This includes various points of view and that being different does not mean it is wrong, simply because narrative is a story about something happened to someone, somewhere, sometime, as told by someone, somewhere, in a particular time, as discussed in class. We can only see what is presented to us, just like we can only read what is told by the narrator in the Bible, from his point of view, and for what he considers important. This is a big deal for me because it changes the way I view the Bible, not only the Old Testament, but also the four gospels in the New Testament.

Therefore, to read the Bible as a narrative, we ought to see the characters and setting as well. Learning about major and minor characters, as well as foils, explain it well for the reason of why certain weird stories are included in the canon. I know this is for the purpose of the narrative, but I still wonder if there is such thing as foils in God’s eyes. I want to believe that everyone is as important and precious in front of God, but I cannot deny that sometimes some people are more than others. Sometimes this is affected by someone’s status, intelligence, physical appearance, charisma, personality, and talent, which sometimes (again) leave people with no choice and no control. Can it also be affected by someone’s faith and obedience? If so, there is also a possibility that someone has no control over their faith and obedience, simply because they have no chance to understand deeper, which then lead them to be ordinary, and to work as foils in this story of God’s meta-narrative? 

Back to the narrative elements, Crain, 2010, (pp. 110-126) suggests that we can identify characters through the context, actions, other characters’ responses, words, and description. He adds that by learning from the characters, we learn and understand more about our motives, attitudes, and moral natures. However, if God is the central character in the Bible, and it was told through omniscient point of view, how can the narrator be omniscient then? This relates to a lot of things, just like the statement “the Lord regretted that He had made man on earth” in Gen 6:6. As Fokkelman (1999, p. 56) states, that the first sentences of the Bible betrays the characteristic of the narrator, because he is omniscient. The narrator tells us about something with no one including himself being present. The narrator knows because he says it, which is not necessary to consider that it is historically reliable. As it was discussed in class, that maybe God is not omniscient. I still think that the way the narrator portrays God cannot fully describe God’s divinity. The omniscient narrator is able to show us prior knowledge of what is to come because he knows it (Fokkelman, 1999, p. 124), so it is subjective based on what he knows and what he feels.

Another essential element in a narrative is the plot. It was discussed in class that the Hexateuch is preferred to Pentateuch because of the plotline, which actually makes sense. A plot in the story consists of exposition, conflict, complications, climax, resolution, and conclusion, which integrates the whole narrative in the Old Testament. The first is exposition. This is the introduction of everything, including characters and setting. The story starts with the prehistory from Creation to when God calls Abraham. Creation has never been a struggle for me because I think I just need to believe that God is able to do it literally in 6 days and science must be wrong. However, it is actually dangerous because it results in my ignorance, which I realised when I was doing my field research report on creation account. According to Geisler & Howe 1992, pp. 32-33), there are two ways to reconcile with science. First is that modern science is wrong and earth is not that old. Others argue that universe could be billions of years old without considering Genesis 1 and 2 wrong. It can be because of the time span or time gap. I stand on this position, because our calculation and understanding about time is not the same as God and ancient people. However, I learn that the most important point is that there is no demonstrated contradiction of fact between Genesis 1 and science, and it’s only a “conflict of interpretation” (Geisler & Howe, 1992, p. 33). Then it was discussed in class about the difference in Genesis 1 and 2, which also bothers me. For me, they are both the same, as Geisler & Howe (1992, p. 35) explain that Genesis 1 is more about the chronological order, and Genesis 2 is more about the topical content.

The discussion continues with the Garden Narrative which tells about the fall. This is when they were conscious of their deception and also their disobedience. They try to cover their shame with apron of fig leaves (Schultz, 2000, p. 14). This story presents a wonderful realisation of God’s mercy and grace when He was looking for them and still made the garments from animal skin for them (Gen 3:21). However, I am curious if they had no shame before, then would human have to deal with lust? If being naked is not so special, how would they reproduce? This just comes to mind since lust is the biggest struggle snaring human being in this life. Relating this to another class where I learned about Jesus’ command in Matt 5:29, I was arguing that it is impossible for man not to have this lustful thought because they are visual persons. Yes, it is obedience for them not to continue with their thought, and not to compromise, but it is impossible to be pure in mind at all because it is just our nature in this broken world and broken body.

Therefore, the effect of sin is disharmony. The relationship between man and woman, God and human, brothers, neighbours, parents and children are spoiled. We can see this narrative pattern consisting of “harmony, revolt, punishment, and divine grace” occurred throughout the story (Deist, 1982, p. 2). However, this then leads me to wonder if God actually destroyed Adam and Eve that day, then there would be no misery in this world, and He did not need to see these people sent to hell.

The composition in Genesis 1-11 serves as the exposition in this plot, showing the chiasm structure in which fall and punishment become the centre. Connecting it with the conflict which happens in Genesis 12, this prehistory serves like a prologue to Hexateuch and further, to David Narrative, the New Testament, and the world today.

The conflict arises when God calls Abraham and makes a promise with him, which then is also known as the Patriarch. Here God makes a covenant with Him that Abraham is going to be a father of a big nation, which means that he will get a descendant, land, and blessing. It is a big problem because Abraham’s wife, Sara, is barren. In addition, they are nomads, and they are sinners. It seems impossible. Delays and threats come along the way as the complications of the conflict, or known as the rising actions. Then, we also learn about Isaac, Jacob, and Joseph. Each story develops certain issues that portrays God’s character, about His providence and sovereignty. One of the promises is fulfilled in Exodus 1, when “they become too many” as Abraham’s descendant. However, this is just part of a bigger plot, because it rises another conflict. Since now they become many, they need a land to become a nation. As stated by Deist (1982, p. 15), the idea of the Promised Land is a “safe and blessed home”, because out there is dangerous. How will God fulfil this promise? The story continues with Moses leading them to go out from Egypt. Exodus to Deuteronomy talks about how God deals with His people along the way.

Finally in Joshua, all the promises fulfilled, as the theme of the Hexateuch we learned in class, that God is able to stay true to the promises He made to His helpless people. We can see in Joshua 21:45 “Not one of all the LORD's good promises to Israel failed; everyone was fulfilled,” works as the resolution in this story, followed with the rest of Joshua as the conclusion. This is a soothing feeling when we see that God keeps His promises and everything is beautiful in His time. It is God’s commitment, not Abraham, but he only believes. It is Jesus, not us, we just need to believe. Abraham is not great because of what He has done, but because of the God He serves. However, this troubles me because it is hard to differentiate whether something is delayed because of God’s timing or our disobedience. When God promises something, we do not know when it will be fulfilled, whether it is delayed or it is what God intends it to be. It is easy to see how God journeys with His people in the Old Testament because we are the third person who knows the end of the story. 

Even when they settle in the land, we can see that they still do not obey God and turn their back on God. They have the Judges era but then they are not satisfied. They want a king just to be like the other nations, although they have God as their king. Then they start nagging although God has told them that He is their King. I feel this relates to us. Sometimes we nag to get something in our own time and desire, and we often end up disappointed because it is not as we imagine. If only we listened and waited. Yet still, God can make something good out of bad. When Saul is appointed to lead, he disappoints God because of his self-centeredness. Then the story continues with David, and we can learn so much from his relationship with God. God still blessed Israel through him, and he is known as “Israel’s greatest national hero” (Drane, 2000, p. 94). It was discussed in class about how could David who looks like doing more wicked sin than Saul actually is called a man after God’s own heart. We learn that it is the attitude of humility, which should then be applicable to our lives as well. No matter how bad we think we are, as long as we humble ourselves and confess, we can be someone after God’s own heart, too. Then here we have Solomon who is so wise, but he still falls. He ends up ignoring God's warning, which is weird because he is supposed to have this wisdom to take God's warning wisely. When Solomon prays for wisdom, as mentioned by Drane (2000, p. 280), he asks for the ability to rule “with justice and to know the difference between good and evil”. This makes me worried, if a man who gains his wisdom from God can be so unwise, then how about us?

Then because of the consequences of sin, the kingdom has to be divided. One thing that catches my attention is when King Rehoboam (1 Kings 12:8) chooses not to listen to the wise elders and prefer to consult with the young people instead. It is ironic that now the younger generation seems like losing their respect to elderly people, supported by the advance technology that makes the older generation looks even dumber. They tend to disrespect and look down at them think that they are way smarter. However, experience cannot lie. It can be wrong, but still it has passed so many stages of life and learn from the mistakes. It is good to explore with the uncertainty of the future, but it is even better to learn from the certainty of the past. 

From the past, we learned that Jerusalem is the city of David and the Israelites believe that God is there because the temple is where God dwells. His covenant that David’s kingdom will endure forever and his descendant will always be on the throne is a big deal for the Israelites when they were sent to exile, because then Jerusalem apparently is not an everlasting city that never falls. So their theology was shaken. I think this is applicable to our cases today where something happens and we get shaken because we have a wrong understanding on where God is and who He is.

However, then they learn that there is a reason for them to be in exile, and that there is hope, too, as they can see from the Deuteronomist perspective. They have turned their back on God, but again, as the theme of the Hexateuch occurs again and again, God is able to stay true to the promises He made to His helpless people. This is also the reoccurring theme for our whole lives. I think when the Israelite went into exile, this is like the phase of disorientation in the Psalm cycle for them, where they ask God why this happened and if there is any hope. However, some of them chose to believe in the God which they know, to hold on to His promises and reflect back to His goodness, which is the time of reorientation. When they finally go back to Jerusalem from exile, they see that God keeps His promise and they enter the phase of new orientation, as pictured by the Chronist. The Chronist invites people to see that God is generous, merciful, and faithful, despite our own failure (Goldingay, 2011, p. 168) which is also applicable to the way we see life.

The Chronist focuses more on cult, on everything that happens around the temple. Therefore David and Solomon are portrayed really well because they kept the cult. He also looks at history differently from the Deuteronomist. As it was discussed in class, the Chronist emphasises that it is God’s invitation that is extended to people to experience the abundance of life in Him. If we treat the Chronicles right, its message is still relevant to us. As stated by Deist (1982, p. 98), “the Chronicler's powerful message that God intervenes in history and that salvation is meant for all people, is an important statement in the religious history of Israel and it should continue to be appreciated by believers today”. Every rule and regulation is God’s protection. God sets this framework for His people, not to be carried out legalistically. Even by discussing about the sacrifice of the animals, I finally understand that it is because we have been saved, therefore we do this, to remember the price we have to pay for sin, which is in coherence with the death of Christ. 

In the end, we can see from this set of lectures that God indeed has a plan for us, but how to relate this to God’s sovereignty and our free will? The explanation presented in class is the best way to conclude and close this last class. We are part of God’s meta-narrative, part of His redemptive plan. When I first became a Christian, I believed that God would lead my every step, what major I should choose, which university I should study at, what company I should work at, and which country I should stay in. All are written as a wonderful testimony. They are all miracles and I don’t say that now they are not. However, I come to this understanding that God indeed has a plan for us. It is dangerous to tell people that God doesn’t care what you wear and what you study about. I think God does care, because He loves us, and if it can strengthen the relationship, why not? I imagine myself asking my dad what I should wear today. Will it make me look good? Will it represent and honour Him well? Will it please Him and please the people I love? From the simplest unimportant thing to the biggest important decision, I think it is good to involve Him. On the other hand, it is also important that as long as it is inside the framework of His plan, we are not obliged to study certain major at certain university, and if not then we ruin His plan and our lives. It doesn’t work that way and we need to understand. We do not need to be like robots and do not consult our hearts and interests at all. I believe that God puts interest and dreams in our hearts not as random things, but it can be used for the purpose of His glory.

I portrayed that this life is a story with a plot. Since I was born, to my primary school, high school, university, and work, I feel that God draws this one line which I need to follow. If I did not go straight with His path and turn somewhere, I couldn’t come back, or I could but I would waste my time to make the turn around. So I always prayed before deciding anything. Someone once asked about this company where I work, “Are you sure it’s from God?” I was pretty sure because I miraculously got this job and I loved it. Yet this question bothered me and stole my peace because I was still with my old understanding. I started thinking if I was at the wrong place. However, now I can say that it’s in His framework. Now I can see that God can make a new way out of our choice. Maybe when we mess up because of our sinful nature and free will, it may take longer to find the light, but we will. Then for us who try to be obedient and ask Him in everything we do, there is no such thing as wrong way. We will always find the light heading to the goal of His plan, which is the redemption for people.

I think this is very important. People come to us to ask about the most important things, yet the most difficult. Is God happy if I marry him? Is he the one from God? Can I study this, or actually God will be happier if I choose that? What do I need to study? Or some people will say, “Well I want to study at Bible College, but I need to pray if it is God’s will”. It is a godly thing to say and yes of course we have to pray before making decision. In the time of waiting for answer, we can see how God really support this idea and we get reassured, which is important to strengthen us in the time of hardship. But how many steps are not taken because we are too afraid when we do not hear any answer? This will not happen if we know whatever we do as long as it’s heading toward His plan for us, we can just obey. 

In conclusion, the Bible is actually a master story about God’s plan for us, and we can learn so much when we treat it right. It is important not to disregard the Old Testament, because it plays the crucial part in the Bible, as precious as the New Testament. Without the New Testament, the Old Testament is only a collection of unfulfilled promises, yet without the Old Testament, the New Testament is just something which can be claimed to happen by anyone, anywhere, anytime, or as plainly stated, “the New is in the Old concealed, and the Old is in the New revealed” (Schultz & Smith, 2001, p. 8). 



Bibliography

Crain, JC 2010, Reading the Bible as literature: an introduction, Polity, Cambridge, UK.

Corcoran, HA 2007, 'Biblical narratives and life transformation: An apology for the narrative teaching of Bible stories', Christian Education Journal, vol. 4, no. 1, pp. 34-48.

Drane, J 2000, Introducing the Old Testament, Rev. ed, Lion, Oxford, England.

Fokkelman, JP 1999, Reading Biblical narrative: an introductory guide, Westminster John Knox Press, Louisville, KY.

Geisler, NL & Howe, TA 2008, The big book of Bible difficulties: clear and concise answers from Genesis to Revelation, Baker Books, Grand Rapids, MI.

Goldingay, J 2011, Key questions about Biblical interpretation: Old Testament answers, Baker Academic, Grand Rapids, MI.

Klein, A & Brisben, D 2012, 'Reading the Old Testament as story: a pedagogy for spiritual formation', Christian Education Journal, vol. 9, no. 2, pp. 326-341.

Schultz, SJ 2000, The Old Testament speaks, 5th ed, HarperCollins, NY.

Schultz, SJ & Smith, GV 2001, Exploring the Old Testament, Crossway Books, Wheaton, IL.

Song, CS 2008, 'Story is the matrix of theology', Theologies and Cultures, vol. 5, no. 1, pp. 28-48.

Friday, May 08, 2015

WILL YOU FOLLOW ME?

An Essay

“Follow me”, is the word spoken by Jesus that every Christian would know, maybe more than we understand the term of discipleship. “Follow me” is also the first and last word Jesus spoke to his disciple (Bonhoeffer, 1995, p. 57). However, since the word ‘disciple’ in Greek word means ‘pupil’, we have turned discipleship into a lesson in cognitive learning where the more you know, the more advanced you are. As Cole (2008, p. 37-43) states, “We tend to think that knowing sound doctrine is all needed for godliness, but it is not only about knowledge but practical and radical obedience from a heart of love. Knowledge does not change a life in any way, it is love that transforms”. I once also understood discipleship as a training for Christians, for their own spiritual growth and for them to make other people to follow Jesus. Phillips (1981, p. 14) sums it up as a teacher-student relationship, based on the model of Christ and His disciples. This definition is correct, although I would like to add something deeper, more intimate and attached.

According to Strauss (2007, p. 197), the twelve disciples are portrayed more as a failure than success, of the four Gospels. The disciples look negative in the sense that they “repeatedly fail to understand Jesus’ teaching (4:13; 7:18) and to recognize his authorative power (6:37. 52: 8”4), can’t comprehend the nature of his messiahship (8:32, 9:32), act with pride and self-interest (9:38; 10:13, 37, 41), and are lack of faith (4:13, 40; 7:18, 9:19)”. This is interesting because from the gospel of Mark we can dig something deeper about this special relationship between Jesus and His disciples, which is very important for the church today as well. 

In my opinion, there are four essential components of discipleship that can be learned in the Gospel of Mark. I divide them into two categories, inward and outward. These components are important but it seems like they are gradually fading and unavoidably mistaken these days. First, I believe that in discipleship we will face the change in ourselves (inward). One very important thing is obedience as the act of faith in discipleship. Bonhoeffer (1995, p. 60-63) emphasizes that there is no road to faith or discipleship except obedience. In Mark 2:14 we read, “As he walked along, he saw Levi son of Alphaeus sitting at the tax collector’s booth. “Follow me,” Jesus told him, and Levi got up and followed him.” According to Bonhoeffer, this is a response of obedience, not a confession of faith. Some people argue that something must have happened in between the conversation, but he argues that it is because Jesus is Christ who has authority. He speaks not as a teacher, but as a son of God. Jesus said follow me, and that’s all. This is amazing because these disciples do not question about anything, the goal, or whether it’s worth it or not; it’s just for the sake of the call. We can see that this must be faith, because as quoted from Bonhoeffer, “Only those who believe obey, only those who obey believe.” I think this is the very first crucial aspect in following Jesus.

This then leads to another important inward component which is self-denial, or in Christian term self-death. When the disciples follow Jesus, they leave their previous existence, and it is impossible to live the old life (Bonhoeffer, 1995, p. 62). Phillips (1981, p. 15) also supports this statement because he believes we cannot be a disciple without dying to ourselves and identify with Christ who died for us. This term is popular among Christians, and we believe that we have to carry our cross, which is suffering and rejection. Jesus Himself already gave the disciples instruction or warning concerning suffering and rejection in Mark 4:11, 6:11 (Eims, 1978, p. 34). According to Bonhoeffer (1995, p. 91), suffering is “the badge of true discipleship”. I think it is important to have a right understanding concerning this cross to bear in discipleship. We may end up dangerously mistaken the consequences of our sin as the cross to bear, which is not what is intended by Jesus in the beginning. Strauss (2007, p. 200) emphasizes that “true followers of Jesus must be willing to take up their crosses and follow him, even to suffering and death”. This refers to the suffering and rejection we get because of Jesus, “viewed exclusively as the paradigmatic example of loving one’s enemies and overcoming evil with good,” as also stated by Rowell (2007, p. 239). The good news is, true suffering means being cut off from God. Therefore Jesus suffers because he bears the whole burden of men’s separation with God (Bonhoeffer, 1995, p. 92). However, we will not experience that kind of suffering because we have Jesus. He promises us that He will never leave us, and as He said in Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Second, after what happened in ourselves, we have outward implications to our world. This is the third component of discipleship, servanthood. I personally think this is the core to Christian discipleship. Supported by Phillips (1981, p. 36), he states that the disciples concise their authority through servanthood. As stated in Mark 10:42-45 that Christ comes to serve not to be served. Love serves, and it is the highest form of leadership. Isaiah portrays Jesus the Servant as one whose righteous life is ultimately crushed so that mercy might graciously be offered to others (Lunde, 2010, p. 27). For me, servanthood means humility. There is no way to separate them. Jesus points to humility so many times in Mark, when the disciples argue about who is the greatest, and Jesus keeps reminding that those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humbled themselves will be exalted. 

Another outward component that I draw from my research is multiplication. This is the biggest issue in discipleship nowadays in my opinion. The term ‘multiplication’ seems to relate to when Jesus calls the first disciples in Mark 1:16-20. He explains discipleship like fishing for people. Wrong understanding about this ‘fish’ image may lead the Christians who focus more on the quantity than the quality, that as long as it multiplies, then it’s good. Of course I do not oppose the idea of sharing about Jesus to as many people as possible. It is about the good news worth sharing. The fact that He is here now ruling in our lives and changing our hearts to transform this world should be known by everyone, but it needs further steps, closer touches. 

It is important to know that Jesus chooses His disciples by himself, while usually in Jewish culture it is the disciples who appoint their rabbi (Wenham & Walton, 2011, p. 187). Jesus trains them and be with them, which shows His personal attachment to His disciples. I personally think this kind of attachment is very important in discipleship, especially to avoid people turning discipleship into some kind of competition to serve their own pride. As stated by Phillips (1981, p. 31), we tend to make a mistake by trying to do “too much, too quickly, and too many”. Therefore, I think multiplication is more fruitful is we can have this kind of personal attachments which will let others to multiply by themselves and it keeps going on wider and wider. Cole (2008, p. 91-99) also addresses a very important issue. He describes that motivation is the most important part of the disciple’s life, as Paul addresses the concern of motivation. If it doesn’t come from within, it will break down. Our motivation for multiplication should come from self-less love and compassion, because this motivation can’t be stopped by the world. 

These components are wrapped by one thing, grace. It can be seen through the book that the disciples sometimes do not understand, sometimes they are weak, they have little faith, but they respond to initial call (Blomberg, 2009, p. 133-134). This shows that discipleship consists of imperfections and there is need for growth (Marshall, 2008, p.30-31). According to Pratt (2009, p. 325), the humanity of the first disciples functions, both positively and negatively, to show us what is involved in being a follower of Jesus, and I believe the shortcomings portrayed in the gospel of Mark simply point out how we as human need God’s grace. As also stated by Garland (1996, p. 628), discipleship is established by Jesus’ call and can only be sustained by God’s mercy and power alone.

In conclusion, I would like to emphasize that these components are very important and the gospel of Mark teaches us a good understanding about discipleship. These components are sometimes avoided or forgotten these days, but they are the essence of discipleship. Having the right understanding will help us a lot in sharing the good news and reflecting Christ Himself in our daily life. However, it is important to always remember that it’s all wrapped in God’s grace only, so we know that it’s only because of Him we have faith and obey Christ, in our self-denial and suffering, in order to practice servanthood in our humbled life, and the good news may multiply so that more and more people hear about Jesus Christ.


Bibliography

Blomberg, CL 2009, Jesus and the Gospels: New Testament Introduction and Survey, 2nd ed, Apollos, Inter-Varsity Press, Downers Grove, IL.

Bonhoeffer, D 1995, The Cost of Discipleship, Touchstone, New York.

Cole, N 2008, Search & Rescue: Becoming a Disciple who Makes a Difference, Baker Books, Grand Rapids, MI.

Eims, L 1978, The Lost Art of Disciple Making, Zondervan, Grand Rapids, MI.

Garland, DE 1996, Mark, NIV Application Commentary, Zondervan, Grand Rapids, MI.

Lunde, J 2010, Following Jesus, the Servant King: A Biblical Theology of Covenantal Discipleship: Biblical Theology for Life, Zondervan, Grand Rapids, MI.

Marshall, IH 2008, A Concise New Testament Theology. InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove, IL.

Phillips, K 1981, The Making of a Disciple, Fleming H. Revell Co.

Pratt, D 2009, Christian Discipleship and Interfaith Engagement, Pacifica J. Melb. Coll. Divin. 22, 317–0_4.

Rowell, AD 2007, Dissident Discipleship: A Spirituality of Self-Surrender, Love of God, and Love of Neighbor, Christ. Sch. Rev. 36, 236–239.

Strauss, ML 2007, Four Portraits, One Jesus: A Survey of Jesus and the Gospels, Zondervan, Grand Rapids, MI.

Suh, E 2008, The Complete Book of Discipleship: On being and making Followers of Christ. Christ. Educ. J. 5, 484–487.

Wenham, D 2011, Exploring the New Testament: the Gospels and Acts, 2nd ed. SPCK, London.







Sunday, March 22, 2015

SO THAT I FEEL SAFE

It’s so nice these days, cool and fresh air, birds chirping in the morning, light raindrops in the afternoon, and no assignment for the whole week. Yay! So it’s a good day to blog. I have been thinking about this for a few days, and just recently feeling so blessed when reading this article about waiting.

So yeah, talking about waiting, for singles the most popular waiting topic must be about the significant other. I read a lot about this, and write a lot, too, to reassure, remind, and encourage myself in this waiting time, and also for other girls who are on the same boat with me. It is hard, I know. 

Sometimes when we are busy at church, awesome community, a lot of friends, lovely family, or even busy with assignment, it feels so easy to wait. But then there will be time when this waiting time is so torturing, and we wish our prayers would be granted right now, or at least, tomorrow.

It is even harder when you are now the only single person in your circle of friends, like me. Haha. People will think nobody wants you, or you are unattractive at all, or something wrong with you, or maybe you are so pretty that you are out of their league (lol), or you are just being too picky, Some people would ask, "Why?" when they wanted to know if I have a boyfriend and I said no. Why do you ask me why? I don't know why, hello, I also want to have one! Hahaha. 

And I don't understand why being picky is a bad thing. Of course we have to be picky. We are about to spend most of our time with this person, and it will affect our life hugely. Then if we continue this relationship and get married, it means we are going to spend the rest of our life with him. Sooooo, it is important to be picky!

I know it’s not about finding the right person, but instead, becoming the right person. I know it's not about waiting for the perfect man, but it's just about waiting for that 'something' that make us sure "it is him!". Sometimes 'something' does happen, but we just know that it's impossible to be together. Isn't love simple? But why I make it sound so complicated? I am longing for that simplicity, too. When we just meet, and know each other, be friend, spend time together, love sparks, fall for each other, confessing, and voila! You are mine and I am yours! Isn't it that simple??? Haha.

I don't know. Seriously.
Maybe, I am just waiting for someone who can make me feel safe.

Safe that he is protective toward me, 
Safe that I can trust his words, rely on his promises, and believe in his actions,
Safe that he won’t run when I don't put my make up on,
Safe that I am the only one in his heart,
Safe that he will keep my purity and honour me dearly,
Safe that he will love me unconditionally and accept all my flaws,
Safe that he will accept my family, and all the absurdity,
Safe that he can lead me closer to Christ day by day,
Safe that no matter how angry he is at me, or how stupid the mistake I have done, he will forgive me,
Safe that when I cry he will hug me instead of being annoyed,
Safe that he is willing to work on our relationship, to fix problem together,
Safe that he will cherish me at my best and stay with me at my worst.

Am I looking for a perfect man?
No, I am just waiting for him who can make me feel safe.

Maybe I should date a security guy.

So what about you? What are you waiting for, all the weary hearts out there? Haha. Waiting is so hard, so let's keep each other in prayer. Sometimes we stumble, but please don't settle. Holding on to Him who has first loved us and the only One who can truly make us feel safe. The wait can be as short as in the blink of eyes, or as long as my leg, but it is our attitude while waiting that matters.  

If we wait long, at least make the wait worth it.


Friday, February 27, 2015

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STORY

"My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations."
John Green

I have been thinking a lot lately, wondering if this is normal when you are a quarter century old. It has been hard-but-not-that-hard-after-now-i-think-about-it in these past 6 months. So, we've got our own unit and I got my job back at Karrinyup as I shared before here. 

At the beginning, I only worked 8 to 11 hours a week, casual staff. It's pretty good, though, since I was still adapting with this new life. Sometimes I worked on Sunday, but mostly not, so I still enjoyed that beautiful fellowship with my lovely church members. Working that way, I had to save up my money so tried to borrow books from my senior and library. I still enjoyed my assignment, (two of them are posters!) although still with my last minute habit.

Time passed and I just couldn't wait for my 2 weeks mid-term holiday, because I just missed those moments at home, laying down on my bed watching Korean dramas, eating chips, and cuddling with my dog, although I knew it would not happen here. But then holiday started and I got this dog-sitting job far away in Southern suburb. I got more shifts at the shopping centre because it was holiday and some staffs were on leave, so good for me I could work more and earn more. I was also happy to cuddle with that cute maltese-shih tzu dog and I loved him so much, but I was so exhausted from commuting between north and south. I planned to work on my assignment a bit during the holiday, but I was too tired, I ended up touching no book and making no progress at all.

Finally school started again, everyone came back refreshed from the holiday, but I just felt more exhausted than before. Then I got a good news, hmm, sad news actually. One staff, Karen, resigned and she was like one of my fave-forever. She was an awesome worker and lovely lady, and she got the best shift ever! She worked Monday and Tuesday, also Friday to Sunday. My manager said she would give Karen's shift to me, but since I could only work up to 20 hours, I could only do Friday to Sunday. She asked another girl, Neha, to do Monday and Tuesday. Voila! I was so happy, I got 20 hours on the weekend (the pay was unbelievably good!), and I got Monday off to study (because my class was Tuesday to Thursday).

But remember I hadn't touched any assignment during the holiday? Yeah, so I still had 11 major assignment waiting for me. It wouldn't be a big problem, though, if only I didn't feel too exhausted after work. For example on Saturday I finished at 4 pm and Sunday at 5 pm. Supposed, I still had good time at night to do something, right? I felt so guilty and lazy but I couldn't help, I immediately felt asleep after dinner. So last semester was such a struggle for me. Working 20 hours maybe was not that hard if I didn't have to study so much. 20 hours maybe wouldn't be too hard if it was not a cleaning job, but it is. If my assignment was like those weekly homework in my undergraduate study, I would be alright, but it is not. It was like doing our small thesis every week with different topic. Don't wanna sound too negative and dramatic here, but honestly, I was drowned.

Plus, since I had to work every Sunday (won't complain, because I need this and should be grateful), I couldn't go to church and meet the lovely congregation. This was such a dilemma, eh? I needed the money but I was also sad for not being able to attend church, but there was no way out. Maybe you would ask, "If you hate this job so much and keep complaining about how tiring it is, why don't you just quit and find another job?" I can't. This is the highest paying job that I can do. This is the only way I can survive, and I also need Sunday shift to survive. But deep inside, my heart was longing to that peaceful and joyful Sunday when I could see those happy and graceful faces of people I love at church.

Then I got sick. I am still taking medication now, in the process to be recovered. Everything became much more harder when I was sick. I got a headache when I read books (haha believe me it's not an excuse!), and the fact that English is my second language makes reading twice harder. I was also struggling with this thought that I was so ungrateful because I couldn't really enjoy my job, and that I couldn't attend church as well. Thank God I was surrounded by people who were graciously loving. They understood about those rubbish (combination of unnecessary guilt and anxiety) spinning in my head, and they said, "But it's normal to feel that way about your job, because you've got a qualification. Of course doing that routine makes you numb." Then I was told, "I know sometimes we don't have a choice and I myself was once in a situation when I couldn't attend church for three years, but it's only temporary, so don't worry."

I blamed myself for being miserable, like, "Hello, war is happening out there, people can't get enough food, some are fighting with terminal illness, some are jobless, some can't go to school, my friend is dealing with her visa issue, and I am here, studying, working, and keep saying I am tired?" But blaming myself didn't bring any good. I just forced myself to be grateful. A forced-gratefulness. But these people told me, that I shouldn't be guilty for that, because this was my feeling. I felt it, it was real, and it affected me.  Just because someone are suffering more out there doesn't mean that I am not allowed to feel down, Yes, we have different response toward problems, but it doesn't determine someone being weak or strong. We live in a broken world and broken body. Somehow, those simple sentences freed me, and I could start to genuinely be grateful.

Those two months were extremely hard for me, because I wanted to crawl back to my comfort zone. I kept wondering why I decided to choose this difficult path. I poured my tangled thought in this Hobbit post haha. However, everything turned out good, thanks to a lot of people who helped me with my struggle. I remembered going to my lecturer's room, and I told him maybe I wouldn't be able to submit my assignment on time. He said, "You are here not to get a good mark, so even if are not doing really well, it's okay. Don't worry too much". So it was hard, but finally, finally, I didn't know how I submit everything, everything was over and the long holiday came. Hooray!

Then my manager told me that I couldn't have Karen's shift permanently because the main office didn't allow it. That whole shift belonged to one name and if I could only take the weekend, they had to split it to two, and it would upset the whole system, they said. So that shift was given to Neha, and I took Neha's shift, only 11 hours a week, 5 hours Saturday and 6 hours Sunday. My income dropped significantly, but I would just trust Him, then. Maybe He will give me another job related to my study for the rest 9 hours! Anyway, during Christmas, no staff allowed to take annual leave, so there was not many shifts available for me. However, the shopping centre's trading hours was longer, and sometimes there were some events, so they needed extra staffs. It was good during the long holiday (2,5 months!), I worked almost everyday, but after Christmas everything returned to normal, so I couldn't work that much. Had a lot of time to do my craft and wall art project, though, which was good!

Doing another dog sitting over Christmas and the lady was very generous. She only needed to pay me 480 bucks for 16 days but she gave me 650 instead! The amazing thing was, when I did the dog sitting in October, the money I earned was exactly what's needed for my mom's ticket to Bali (since my godmother also went to Bali at that time, so my mom could go with her). In January, I had to accompany my mom but I got the sale tickets which was really cheap for the two of us, and plus the hotel, taxi, etc, it's exactly what I earned from dog sitting in December. My mom kept worrying about this extra expense to send her to Bali, but God provided! Exactly the way we needed it!

I am still in my health recovery, excited for this new semester, trying to manage my time better, and enjoying this phase of life. I got my transcript and it's satisfying, which left me in wonder. I am writing down this roller-coaster struggle and thought, just to share and let you know, in case you are just like me, drowned in your own thought and doubt. It is humane to be so. If you are struggling, or dealing with guilt, you are not alone, seek help. Surround yourselves in good community, and just keep going in the grace of Christ. God is good, and He is faithful.

And this story is continuing, but I just want to thank Him in the middle, which sometimes I forget.

P.S. And God gives me His angel, in the form of mommy, to support me in this difficult times, with all the funny things and crazy laughter, plus good and healthy food she cooked for me. I love you.


Perth, February 27, 2015
from the middle of the story,


THERE AND BACK AGAIN

When I finished watching The Hobbit, I was so mesmerized (as usual) by Peter Jackson's work, although I knew it's slightly different from the book. I enjoyed the movie version, tho, even with this 'fictional' character of Tauriel, and her 'non-exist' love story with Kili, which was quite entertaining, and, hmm, sweet. Moreover the part when Tauriel asked, "Why does it hurt so much?" crying over Kili, and Thranduil finally admitted, "Because it was real". Oh, pardon me, I am not going to talk about them actually, I just can't help myself! That was one of my favorite part! #faintofexcitement

So, yeah, I was relieved that Bilbo went back home safe and sound, and the only thought in my mind was, "That feeling when they finally reach Shire, after all the adventures, hardship, friendship, tears, blood, fears, journeys. That feeling they wouldn't feel if they never left home. Before they start, they don't know what's ahead. But after they finish, every step is worth it." I am referring to Frodo and Sam as well, casting my mind back to the ending of Return of the King. 

I was thinking, maybe they would never feel that way when they saw their home, if they never left. It's just home, nothing special. Although it's Shire, and it's beautiful, but that's it. However the feeling turned completely different after their journey (that almost killed them like thousand times if I may add). Home was far more precious than ever.


But then I realized, hey, Frodo didn't go back to Shire safe and soundly. Instead, he had to leave Middle-Earth for the West. At first, I thought because he was stabbed by the Witch-king's morgul-blade, he couldn't be healed. People are questioning, though, and after I read this article, I am pretty sure it's because Frodo had simply lost something that couldn't be restored through the quest (besides all the wounds and losing his finger). As noted by Tolkien, "broken by a burden of fear and horror — broken down, and in the end made into something quite different". 

It makes me draw the conclusion that it's impossible to fight for something without cost, "that everything ends well, and gets tied up with a pretty ribbon." The fact that Frodo has achieved his quest but also can't recover from it, shows that there will always be price to pay. This novel simply shows that there will be consequences of fighting against evil.

So I stop thinking that it's a happy ending for Bilbo, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, and everyone involved. It's a good ending for the world, yes. But for them individually, there must be damage, seen or hidden, physically and/or mentally. Then I start to question, is the journey worth it? Is leaving your comfort zone worth it? Because in the end, it's not the same anymore. Everything changes. Even we do not return the same. We may gain something, but surely lost something. 

Suddenly this idea of leaving comfort zone for an adventure (or a greater good) didn't seem too thrilling anymore. I think then it all just depends on our choice. Do we prefer sitting there in our comfort zone, with the possibility to miss everything out there, or going out with the risk of losing something we have back there. 

Don't worry if you are confused with this writing. I am, too. And we have this quote:
"When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did."

So, which side I am on? I don't know.

One thing I know, if I am already half way to Mordor, I can't go back to Shire.


P.S. I found this!

Sam says, "It's like the great stories, Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end, because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it will shine out clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folks in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going because they were holding on to something."

"What are we holding on to, Sam?" Frodo sighs.

"That there's something good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for."

Monday, January 19, 2015

PREPARING FOR YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND

Hello ladies!

Some of us might be familiar with the term "praying for your future husband". Maybe we have started praying for him years ago, or yesterday. Since we accepted Christ, or just these days when our biological time is ticking. As we have heard often, it is very important to pray for him, for everything. We also have a book with exactly the same title as above. This is a very recommended book, I will write the review later. Basically the concept of this prayer is also to prepare and change ourselves. But maybe sometimes we wonder, do they also pray for us?

Research shows that actually godly men also pray for their future wives. I came to this realization when I was working (doing that 'lovely' cleaning job) and thinking, "Ugh, why do I have to do this, for bunny sake?!" and suddenly my heart just said, "Hey, maybe he is praying for you right now, and this is the way God answers his prayer." So hey, maybe we are where we are now, doing what we are doing (although it's hard sometimes), because he is praying for us just like we are praying for him. It is not only us praying for him, but preparing for him. Prepare to be a good help-meet when we meet and unite later. Facing this process to change, to glorify God together.


Are you in a situation where people looking down at you?
Maybe he is praying for your humility.
Are you in a situation when people hurt you?
Maybe he is praying for your patience.
Are you in a situation where you have nothing to hold on except God?
Maybe he is praying for your faith.
Are you in a situation when you feel sad?
Maybe he is praying for your joy in the Lord.
Are you in a situation where your heart is so weary?
Maybe he is praying for your peace from Him.
Are you in a situation when people treat you rudely?
Maybe he is praying for your gentleness.
Are you in a situation surrounded by people in need?
Maybe he is praying for your generosity.
Are you in a situation when everything is taken from you?
Maybe he is praying for your contentment in Christ only.
Are you in a situation that makes you weak day by day?
Maybe he is praying for your strength.
Are you in a situation that forces you to give up and leave everything?
Maybe he is praying for your faithfulness.
Are you in a situation when you don't know what's going on?
Maybe he is praying for your understanding.

Just like we are praying for his.

Perth,
January 19, 2015


Sunday, January 11, 2015

THE WEDDING, WINE, AND WORLD

A Report on the Parable of Power

Introduction

Food and fest, glam and glory, wedding and wine. The first miracle that Jesus did is so simple yet remarkable. Andy Crouch in his book Playing God discusses the concept of power in The Wedding Wine story. The writer is going to evaluate this exploration chapter with the commentaries on John 2 to see the message and application behind the passage.

Basically, according to Burge (2003, p. 90) the core message of this story when Jesus turns water into wine is “the old has gone, the new has come”. The New Testament also talks about how once ones receive Christ, they are not the same anymore. There is this power that makes the old goes and the new comes. They are new creation in Christ, changed, different, transformed. What is the source of this power? Is this the form of miracle? Or is it simply a process, combined with power and time, to make such a difference? Analysing this concept against two secular books, The Secret and The Empowered Mind, the writer aims to dig deeper about power and miracle.

The Wedding in the Chapter

Crouch (2013, p. 104) starts the exploration chapter by defining the grand pattern of creation as “good, to very good, to glory”. He states that creation is good, but human as God’s image bearers are very good, because we have that ability to cultivate and unfold potential. Therefore, we can make something good to very good. Nature is good, then add some creativity and care, it becomes culture which is very good. Grain is good, then add some power and process, it becomes bread which is very good. Just like egg and omelette, tree and wooden chair, sound and music, they become very good by human intelligence and intentionality. One step ahead, it leads to glory.

Grape is the best example for this. Crouch mentions about how grapes are good, and when they become wine, they can be very good, and “the right grapes, at the right time, in the right hands” can become glory. Relating this to the story of Jesus when he attended a wedding in Cana, Crouch (2013, p. 106) says that miracles are beyond power itself, working not like how this world works. Therefore the miracle Jesus performed in the wedding reveals the true meaning of power. He first states that Mary, using her power as a mother, stating indirectly what she wanted through the fact, that “they have no wine”. In this case, believing that she had the authority and Jesus would honour her, she didn’t need to request or command.

According to Crouch, Jesus replied by emphasizing that the assumptions of power and authority did not apply because Jesus was here to fulfil His mission under higher authority and that he himself had that higher authority than his mother. Yet, Mary seemed to know what Jesus would do since she told the servants to do what Jesus asked them to do, and Jesus did exactly what Mary believed he would do.

Therefore, Crouch emphasizes that there are several things to be concluded from this miracle about Jesus’ power. First, his power does not “flow through predictable channels”. He was not bound by anything: custom, law, etc. However, what Jesus did here in Cana shows “the pattern of social life: marriage, hospitality, celebration, and honouring parents”. This means that through the first miracle, Jesus touches the closest, simplest thing among us. His power restores “family and feasting”. He shows how to bless by honouring parents, showing hospitality to guests, etc. Second, his power reveals glory. It reveals Jesus’ true identity and the ultimate truth of his mission, “to make all things new”. Through the miracle of the wine, Jesus shows that he is more than expected. This miracle that reveals glory happened in the wedding which is a moment of glory, too, because it is the sign of “the magnificence of love” between man and woman, united by God.

Third is his power is abundant. The wine is more than needed, showing how God always provides abundantly. Forth is that his power is hidden as it is revealed. It does not bring him to the centre of attention and put him on the spotlight, yet it reveals his glory. Crouch mentions that true power in the world sometimes is invisible, but the effects can be seen and celebrated, and the credit goes to somewhere else, but God is behind everything.

Finally, he concludes that this story is just not about wine, it is the sign of something deeper. “The third day” becomes something special, since Jesus also was risen on the third day, the day where true power overcame and his glory was revealed. Then why would we settle for anything less, the rhetorical question ends his statement.

The Wine in the Passage

Wedding is a very important celebration in the past and present. According to Burge (2000, p. 88), John uses the cultural and religious theme as the backdrop of his presentation about Jesus. It gives clearer insight about Jesus’ personhood, yet it carries a deeper meaning.

When Mary mentioned about wine, Jesus said that his time is not yet to come, which means that it looks forward to Jesus’ important work on the cross. So Jesus will act on behalf not of this wedding but the entire world. His death on the cross will provide more than wine. However, Jesus indicates that he will act since his mother directs the servant to obey him. The six stone jars that becomes the source of new wine is not only for holding water. Stone jars represent Jewish purification washing. Then they can hold large volume of wine, about 120 gallons (Burge, 2000, p. 92).

It is said that the wine is superior to before, means this is the sign that reveals something hidden before. This is not merely acts of power and might, but they unveil that God is a work in Jesus and indeed is present in him (Twelftree, 1999, p. 195).

It shows how God cares about our simplest problem, not just about saving souls and renewing lives. John is telling something about Judaism and history. The arrival of Messiah shows something unparalleled is happening in the world. The wine also recalls many prophetic words that God’s arrival and blessing are seen particularly in an abundance of wine in the land. Now God’s glory becomes visible in human form (Burge, 2000, p. 102).

Longman & Garland (2007, p. 385), also explains that “sign” was used by John to describe Jesus’ self-manifestation in his works. Wedding in the first century is a feast that can last as long as a week. Wine was a basic commodity in the ancient world. When the supply runs short, the host can be embarrassed. In contrast, some scholars do not think that Mary expects Jesus to perform miracle. Mary just went to Jesus because she knew how resourceful he is and it is natural for a mother to do so. It is also believed that Mary did not grasp the full intent of what Jesus just said because she instructs the servants to do what Jesus would tell them, then Jesus did it anyway. They also have speculation that actually Jesus only pretends that the water is the wine and people believe it because they have been too drunk.

The use of wine also illustrate human’s relationship to God as quoted from William Temple (Longman & Garland, 2007, pp. 388), that it becomes more and more satisfying with the passage of time. Just like marriage, the older should be the sweeter, because it has passed the challenge of time and process. The miracle Jesus performed was the first of his miraculous sign, which means the mighty work of Jesus, act of power. Jesus reveals glory and leads his disciple to put their faith in him. However, the third day here is simply the day after tomorrow. There are some metaphorical references. Lack of wine is the symbol of Jewish laws that fails to meet the deeper needs of humanity. Six jars is one less than perfect number seven. The jars each held twenty to thirty gallons shows abundance supply of grace (p. 389).

Basically these two commentaries have some similar views, one of them is that Jesus provides in abundance. However, there are a lot of significant differences as well, which do not support Crouch’s statement on how people are aware of their power and how to use it. There is one point missing from this story of miracle and power, it is obedience. As stated by Spurgeon (1992, pp. 93-95), this story teaches people on obedience to God before He performs miracle.

The World in the Books

The Secret is a book that talks about “law of attraction”, which means that everything comes from the power of thought. Bryne (2006, pp. 1-27) says that people need to know the secret to have and be anything they want. People throughout the history have discovered and used this secret. She believes that we all work with one infinite power. It is the same law for everyone, one power, one law, attraction. Everything that comes to our life is attracted by the virtue of images people are holding in their mind. So it is what they are thinking, that thought is the force. This law also appears in all religions throughout the history.

When people focus their thoughts on something they want, and they hold that focus, they are in the moment summoning what they want with the mightiest power in the universe. It works like Genie from the magic lamp. Genie is our law of attraction (p. 60) that will fulfil our wish. People do not need to know how, because the universe will do it for them.

In other words, people are in control of their own destiny and life, which is actually in line with the concept of “free will of choice”. People are believed to be able to create their own miracle, the impossible, by the power of their thought. Trench (1949, pp. 5-12) defines miracle as power or mighty works through the “Divine Messenger” equipped by God, referring to Christ. Miracle can immediately working, or establish to work. It is not nature, but not against it. It is beyond, and above nature. If so, it can be said that human has this ability to perform miracle. Surely, human are miracle themselves, and optimizing one core part of the body created by God to achieve what they want and to have a good life is rational.

According to Bryne (2006, p. 71-92), there is a pattern of this method. Ask, believe, and receive. She quotes scriptures too, from Matthew 21:22 and Mark 11:24 that when we pray, believe that we already receive it, and we will receive it. There are the powerful processes of gratitude (to be grateful for what we have and we will get more), visualization (to create the picture of us enjoying and feeling that we already get it), and action (to make it a habit). This also influences all areas in our lives, including wealth, health, and relationship. They teach people to be generous with money, give so that they will receive more, to love themselves and love people, to know that laughter is the best medicine disease is held in the body by their thoughts. Basically, they can receive all things they want because this universe offers abundance.

These methods to increase wealth, health, and relationship are actually what the Bible teaches us. Give more, and God will bless more, because there is blessing in giving. Live happily, happy heart is the best medicine, do not resent and keep bitterness because it will make people sick, love people just like people love themselves, care for them like Jesus cares. They are basically the same, that we have and ought to use this power in us to have a “good life”, since good life is associated with being wealthy, healthy, and happy.

In The Empowered Mind, Scott (1994, pp. 1-11) mentions the technique of using “creative force”, which is the inner power in people’s mind both to get what they want and to feel more satisfaction. Scott claims that she has used this technique for more than twenty years in her life and that everyone can do this. It is just tapping the power that they haven’t used or fully developed, to be, do, and enjoy the best. She gives the examples of how she can do the things that she believes she cannot do before, in this case, the impossible. This technique will make the readers feel more powerful, gain more confidence, develop personal identity and purpose, be satisfied and get more enjoyment by focusing energy for optimum functioning, maximise their talents, designing the person they want to be, becoming smarter by sharpening their intellectual powers, increasing power of perception and awareness, making better decision, turning problems into possibility, and optimizing relationship. So, all they need is to develop and pay attention to make it powerful.

All these methods focus on the power in human self and how to use it right in order to achieve what human wants, a good life. Human are the ones who construct the definition of a good life, and they spend the whole life to live meeting that definition for self-satisfaction. Scott also mentions about how practicing intuitive technique makes her feel like having a magic Genie she can call forth whenever she needs help. When she can’t find answer with her logic then help will pop out, not only quick but also right (1994, p. 13). Isn’t this power known by Christian as the Holy Spirit? How he reminds people of scripture or memory they need at that time, gives wisdom beyond logic that is “not only quick but also right”.

Crouch, Burge, Longman & Garland, Bryne, and Scott, they talk about power and they believe that human have power and control over it. The secular views also believe that human has total control, but they need the universe to help them. They are talking about the same power and force in human’s life. Only, the source of power for them is the universe, which will conspire to support and provide what human need only by the power of their thought. It is dangerous to emphasize on how human can get what they want, because human’s intention and desire corrupt. On the other hand, the Christian views urge to use the power, yet it is important to surrender it to the source of the power, God himself. Crouch also mentions that “Jesus’ power is hidden as it is revealed” (2013, p. 111), which fits this concept of power by the universe. There is the source behind it.

Linking it to the concept of miracle, human are empowered by God to do miracle through the Holy Spirit, but miracle is a product of grace and faith. The secular view emphasizes on faith in self, but excludes grace, because the control 100% belongs to human. Referring back to Crouch’s rhetorical question, with the glorious power of God in this world, why would we settle for anything less? Is 100% power still less? Yes, because power can fail.

Conclusion

Power, along with process and time, turns something from good to very good, even to glory. With this power, comes miracle. However, the source of power and miracle are God, which will be given by grace, yet requires obedience as the step of faith. Some people believe that the source of power is the universe, and human as the ruler of the universe. Power is in human’s thought, and by recognizing and optimizing how to use it, there is no limitation to make impossible become possible. In other words, human can get what they want with their own power. However, it is still less than the source of power itself, God, because human’s intention and desire corrupt, and power can fail, but grace remains.