A LETTER FOR MOMMY: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Dear Mommy,

This is the first time that we are separated so far away, like almost 2000 miles, on your birthday. I always tried to be present to hug you on this special day, because hugging you is one of the best things on earth. Oh, but what can I do, this year I can't. I only can hug you in my dream.

Mommy, for 23 years you have accompanied me with all your strength. And now after I know how it feels like to rely on myself alone, for the first time in these 23 years I just realize how strong you have been as a woman. I never have any idea of this before. Maybe just strong, or very strong, but now I know that you are beyond strong. You are immeasurable. 

I  just realize, that behind your tears, your smile, your hope, your sincere heart, your dream, and your love, all contains strength. You have carried me on your back for all these years, sometimes shambling, but you carried on. 

Do you know that it is amazing? Do you know that you are a living miracle? I am one blessed daughter to have a mom like you. 

I do remember all the things you have done to me. 

Some silly things only we understand. When I asked you to sing and dance and I recorded it. When I asked you to imitate Gwiyomi song (and I recorded it!). When I braided your hair while you were sewing. When we teased each other about who is smarter than who. When you suddenly popped up in bedroom, carrying Dogai like a baby. When I pretended to fall sleep and you knew it and you tickled me. And all those things. Even thinking about it makes me laugh now.

Some teary things only between the two of us. When I cried because you turned down my request to take care of bunnies (but then you approved and it was the best part of my life, say hello to Louie). When I complained for having rice and fish cracker for dinner and you said that's all we had. When you were cheated by people who sold your egg-coated peanut. When someone was not careful enough and hit you while you are riding your bicycle, caused you injury and pain in your face and knee. Well, but that's only me who cried, you didn't. 

When you had to sell all your not-so-many jewelries one by one because we didn't have money to eat. First we chose to sell the less memorable necklace, hoping that we could keep the rest. After some time, we had to face the fact that we had no other choice, we had to choose again. So we chose, the less memorable among all, and let it go. And as time went by, it kept going, one by one, until you had to let the most memorable one sold. Until we had no one left. At that time I didn't understand, but perhaps you were crying in silence.

Even thinking about it makes me teary now.

But it's not because I am sad. 

Instead, I am so grateful for all the ups and downs we have faced together. I regret nothing now. Well, of course I have nothing to regret because all this time you never let me lack of anything. When you only could afford one serving of rice, you ate 1/4 and you let me eat 3/4 to make sure I was not hungry. When we only had one bike and I needed to use it, you let me use it and you walked to save transportation cost. Of course I have nothing to regret! 

But I want you to know, that all you have taught me, through your words, your actions, and most importantly through what we have faced together, are the most precious and priceless gift a mom can give to her daughter.

I love your sincere heart, and compassionate soul. I love your pure eyes, and your smiley face. I love your warm body, and your tender voice. 

And you know what? God takes me to this journey because He loves you so much. He is teaching me so many things to make me stronger. At first, it's really hard for me and I asked, if it has to be this hard, why do I have to be strong? I got the answer and I want you to know:

You don't need to be strong anymore if you don't want to. You may be weak if you are tired. Because from now on I will be strong, and you can simply lean on me.

Happy birthday, Mommy. Your daughter (and Dogai) will always love you, till the end of time.


With all the best wishes and prayers,
Your daughter.