SO THAT I FEEL SAFE

It’s so nice these days, cool and fresh air, birds chirping in the morning, light raindrops in the afternoon, and no assignment for the whole week. Yay! So it’s a good day to blog. I have been thinking about this for a few days, and just recently feeling so blessed when reading this article about waiting.

So yeah, talking about waiting, for singles the most popular waiting topic must be about the significant other. I read a lot about this, and write a lot, too, to reassure, remind, and encourage myself in this waiting time, and also for other girls who are on the same boat with me. It is hard, I know. 

Sometimes when we are busy at church, awesome community, a lot of friends, lovely family, or even busy with assignment, it feels so easy to wait. But then there will be time when this waiting time is so torturing, and we wish our prayers would be granted right now, or at least, tomorrow.

It is even harder when you are now the only single person in your circle of friends, like me. Haha. People will think nobody wants you, or you are unattractive at all, or something wrong with you, or maybe you are so pretty that you are out of their league (lol), or you are just being too picky, Some people would ask, "Why?" when they wanted to know if I have a boyfriend and I said no. Why do you ask me why? I don't know why, hello, I also want to have one! Hahaha. 

And I don't understand why being picky is a bad thing. Of course we have to be picky. We are about to spend most of our time with this person, and it will affect our life hugely. Then if we continue this relationship and get married, it means we are going to spend the rest of our life with him. Sooooo, it is important to be picky!

I know it’s not about finding the right person, but instead, becoming the right person. I know it's not about waiting for the perfect man, but it's just about waiting for that 'something' that make us sure "it is him!". Sometimes 'something' does happen, but we just know that it's impossible to be together. Isn't love simple? But why I make it sound so complicated? I am longing for that simplicity, too. When we just meet, and know each other, be friend, spend time together, love sparks, fall for each other, confessing, and voila! You are mine and I am yours! Isn't it that simple??? Haha.

I don't know. Seriously.

Maybe, I am just waiting for someone who can make me feel safe.

Safe that he is protective toward me, 

Safe that I can trust his words, rely on his promises, and believe in his actions,

Safe that he won’t run when I don't put my make up on,

Safe that I am the only one in his heart,

Safe that he will keep my purity and honour me dearly,

Safe that he will love me unconditionally and accept all my flaws,

Safe that he will accept my family, and all the absurdity,

Safe that he can lead me closer to Christ day by day,

Safe that no matter how angry he is at me, or how stupid the mistake I have done, he will forgive me,

Safe that when I cry he will hug me instead of being annoyed,

Safe that he is willing to work on our relationship, to fix problem together,

Safe that he will cherish me at my best and stay with me at my worst.

Am I looking for a perfect man?

No, I am just waiting for him who can make me feel safe.

Maybe I should date a security guy.

So what about you? What are you waiting for, all the weary hearts out there? Haha. Waiting is so hard, so let's keep each other in prayer. Sometimes we stumble, but please don't settle. Holding on to Him who has first loved us and the only One who can truly make us feel safe. The wait can be as short as in the blink of eyes, or as long as my leg, but it is our attitude while waiting that matters.  

If we wait long, at least make the wait worth it.

PREPARING FOR YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND

Hello ladies!

Some of us might be familiar with the term "praying for your future husband". Maybe we have started praying for him years ago, or yesterday. Since we accepted Christ, or just these days when our biological time is ticking. As we have heard often, it is very important to pray for him, for everything. We also have a book with exactly the same title as above. This is a very recommended book, I will write the review later. Basically the concept of this prayer is also to prepare and change ourselves. But maybe sometimes we wonder, do they also pray for us?

Research shows that actually godly men also pray for their future wives. I came to this realization when I was working (doing that 'lovely' cleaning job) and thinking, "Ugh, why do I have to do this, for bunny sake?!" and suddenly my heart just said, "Hey, maybe he is praying for you right now, and this is the way God answers his prayer." So hey, maybe we are where we are now, doing what we are doing (although it's hard sometimes), because he is praying for us just like we are praying for him. It is not only us praying for him, but preparing for him. Prepare to be a good help-meet when we meet and unite later. Facing this process to change, to glorify God together.

Are you in a situation where people looking down at you?

Maybe he is praying for your humility.

Are you in a situation when people hurt you?

Maybe he is praying for your patience.

Are you in a situation where you have nothing to hold on except God?

Maybe he is praying for your faith.

Are you in a situation when you feel sad?

Maybe he is praying for your joy in the Lord.

Are you in a situation where your heart is so weary?

Maybe he is praying for your peace from Him.

Are you in a situation when people treat you rudely?

Maybe he is praying for your gentleness.

Are you in a situation surrounded by people in need?

Maybe he is praying for your generosity.

Are you in a situation when everything is taken from you?

Maybe he is praying for your contentment in Christ only.

Are you in a situation that makes you weak day by day?

Maybe he is praying for your strength.

Are you in a situation that forces you to give up and leave everything?

Maybe he is praying for your faithfulness.

Are you in a situation when you don't know what's going on?

Maybe he is praying for your understanding.

Just like we are praying for his.

Perth,

January 19, 2015

PRECIOUS WAITING MOMENT

Hola! I found this great article from Abstinence Until Marriage a page on Facebook. I don't know who the author is, so can't put credit here, but I need to share this and I hope this article will bless you like it has blessed me! 

This is a message for all the girls and woman out there. I keep reading these post of women asking for advice on "what to do now I found the boy/man of my dreams". Then I read on and I see a couple of situations. It always goes like that:

• he is not a Christian and I am (or he doesn't share my beliefs)
• he is a Christian, but he just have been away from God for a while
• he likes me, but he hurts me
• he likes another girl
• he likes me, but he is with another girl
• he doesn't like me
• he can't abstain

And then comes the questions:

What should I do?

I don't want to sound condemnatory, but let me give some free advice: "Man who are man act like man when it's time to be a man." If your "male friend" fits any of those descriptions (and so many more I can't write all down) YOU MUST STAY AWAY!

When a guy acts like that it shows he doesn't love GOD enough or at all, and your prayer for him has what we call "conflicting parties interest". To really pray for him to change when you're so "in love" with him is the hardest thing ever! [I talk out of experience] Because you want him. You like him. You want him to be-saved-seek-God-commit-fall-in-love-with-you-be-prince-charming-and-save-the-day. 

MY ADVICE IS: seek God. Pray that you will be drawn closer to God. Dig in the Bible for passages about WHO YOU ARE in Christ. What does God thinks about you? What did He make you to be? What did he changed on you on the Cross? 

As you seek God and follow His will, you will be loving Him more and more likely to accept the plans He has for you.

And don't think I'm out of the boat. I'm 25, I had one boyfriend (who cheated on me and had a porn addiction), I've been single for more than 5 years and I've been seeing ALL my friends get married and have babies. I'm the single one in the group. The single who doesn't date. The single who is abstinent. I'm not living the happily-ever-after dream from a Disney movie.

But who says that's what I need? I have God, He is my happily-ever-after, because He will be there after forever! I have a date with Him everyday, and He always treat me like His beloved. 

I am His Bride! His Loved One! He calls me His. I'm in love with Him. I trust Him and He never betrays me. 

I AM living my fairy tale, but this is TRUE, not Hollywood. 

And I'm not worried, right now, about "my male man". I've been worried, but I learnt to drop it in God's blessing hands. I have friends, I hang out in groups, I'm living and breathing. At home, in my alone times with My Loved One, I pray for my husband. And I trust God that He will bring him to me - doesn't matter how long it takes! 

Because God doesn't fail. He is in control of everything. And if you think something is wrong, darling, is with you, not with Him. Because His timing is as perfect as His will. So learn to trust in Him. Depend on Him. Love Him. Love the people He put in your life.

And then, when a MAN, a Bible-lover-God-seeker man, finds you he will:

• respect you
• like only you
• value you
• seek to love you, as Jesus loves you and died for you
• be honest to you
• be purposeful about you
• guide you
• BRING YOU CLOSER TO GOD

Because His goal in life is to love God first. You will be second to him, always. And if God is being first in your life, your man will be second too, for you. That will be perfect! 

Feelings pass, doesn't matter how strong. Infatuation goes away, doesn't matter how long it lasts. Love remains. Real love is set-apart, future-oriented, not-self-focused, respectful and sacrificial love. The perfect guy for you isn't perfect. He will commit mistakes, he might hurt you sometimes. But he will be always seeking God, and because of that he will make amends with you, ask for forgiveness, and change the wrong behavior. 

So please, don't try to be a solution to any guy - you can't do nothing for him, to change him, to make him better, to make him fit your list. Prayer isn't DOING. Prayer is SURRENDER. It's to let go of things (of your guy) and let God take control.

I pray for you, beloveds, that you will learn to trust God and LET GO of those guys that are taking hold of you and ARE NOT who God wants for you! Here for you my Bible adaptation of Psalm 37:1-8:

"Do not fret because of those who aren't faithful or be envious of those who do wrong; for they will pass and go away, they will not remain strong on hard times. Trust in the LORD and do what is good; dwell in your singleness and enjoy the safety and provision He has for you now. Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart of being loved and cared for [by Him or by Your man]. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward [your man or your blessed singleness or your service to the kingdom] shine like the dawn, your character and reputation like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways [marrying, having babies, messing up around], when they carry out their wicked schemes - their are not right before God, they are in need of Him! Refrain from anger about your singleness and turn from wrath; do not fret —it leads only to evil."

Love, Your Sister.

MAN OF MY DREAM

There's an absurd conversation in one afternoon, when we had our lunch me and my workmates. Here's the dialogue. Everything happened so quickly so I barely remember who said what. There were the 6 of us, all girls. They were talking about dating, if I'm not mistaken. 

A: "Have you ever kissed someone?"

Me: "No."

T: "Really? How come?"

R: "She's never been in a relationship." (She answered it for me)

A: "Really? So you never kiss at all? Go find a guy and kiss him!"

R: "She wants to save it for her wedding day."

T: "What? No you can't! You must have that experience first so you can show your husband that you're a good kisser!"

A: "Yeah! If you never kiss and your husband never kiss then how would you two have a great kissing experience?"

T: "Of course you have to practice."

Me: "I want to give him my first kiss. I think my first kiss will be the best for us."

T & A: "Of course NOT!"

A: "I think I have to find a guy in our office for you!"

O & C just laughed, added some comments, and followed the conversation.

Then they started matching me with some guys.

A: "How about IS (not real name)? He is handsome you know! Like Roger Danuarta. Have you ever met him?"

Me: "Just heard about him, but never met."

FYI, since months ago there's already an Executive Producer who really wanted to match me with him. Kept mentioning his name and offered me to see his photo. Haha. I just took it as joke.

T: "Well yes he rarely comes to office."

O: "Hey, but he will come to office on November 12. You must meet him."

A: "Yeah great! You will like him!"

Me: "What? No.. No.. "

A: "What is your criteria? We will help you!"

R: "She wants a Christian and he must be taller than her."

A: "Oh! How about ST (not real name)?" (mentioning our boss from a country out there)

T: "Yeah! That's a great idea! He is TALLER than you!:

O: "He is a Christian too!"

A: "He is successful and rich!"

T: "He can teach you to kiss because he ever got married."

R: "Yeah right right! As his secretary I support you two!"

Suddenly everyone got so excited and I just laughed.

A: "You know, if you are with him, he can take you to his country!"

T: "Yes you don't need to apply for scholarship anymore!"

And I think at that time I had fainted because I didn't remember the rest of conversation. Hehe.

I know they're joking and it's funny for me. However, that conversation leads me to write about this.

I think I want to write down my criteria, just for fun, and to explain some reasons why I don't do this and that. For me, choosing a spouse is not as simple as being TALL, HANDSOME, and RICH.

Okay, let's start, this is the man of my dream:

He loves me unconditionally.

Hehe. Of course ya it has to be the first point. These are the considerations:

1. He has the same faith as me, that Jesus Christ died for us to redeemed us, and had risen and that He is God. (read: Christian)

2. He surrenders his life to Christ, lets Holy Spirit lead him in everything he does, and refers to the Word of God (read: a radical Christian)

3. He loves Jesus more than he loves me. He takes his decision in Christ and involves Christ in all aspects of his life even every smallest details, including his decision to choose me.

These 3 points are really important for me and my godmother always reminds me about this. Yes, going to church every Sunday is not enough if he chooses girl carelessly. I will pray if a man is from God or not, but I want that man to pray about me too. I want him to ask God whether I am the right one for him or not. I want our relationship grows following God's perfect steps, not by our sight, emotion, and uncontrollable and temporary feeling.

I want to have a relationship with a man who will be my husband one day. So that I can tell him that he is the only one and I have kept my heart complete and unbroken for him. I fall in love with other men too. But I have this one analogy. When I fall in love, I give my heart to a man. When he accepts it, we are in a relationship. Or when a man asks my heart for him, when I give it, then we are in a relationship. When we break up, my heart that I have given to him, will be returned to me, broken. So I thank God that the men I ever wanted to give my heart to (when I still didn't understand and haven't known Jesus) didn't want to accept my heart hahaha. Now I have understood that my heart belongs to Christ, and that at the right time, He will let me give it to the right person.

By the way, some people ask me, "How do you know whether he is the right one for you or not if you and him never have a relationship?" Well, the answer is, "Be friend." We build friendship instead of romantic relationship. We can see his/her character through this friendship. Go out in community, to see his/her real character. Pray and ask God's direction. He will tell us. He will not let us be with the wrong one. It's just the matter of our relationship with Him, our patience, and our obedience. 

Moreover, why I want to save the first kiss on our wedding day, because I think when we are in a relationship, physical activity is not important and just will lead us to sin. I don't have problem to hold hands and kissing my forehead will be so romantic. But that's all, because I want this relationship and marriage to be holy in front of God.

4. He loves my mom and my best friends, and my dog. Hehe.

I wish my future husband loves animal. I don't know why but by the way a man treat animal I can see their character. For example, if a man likes bunny who is basically a soft and gentle creature, I can feel that he is tender and gentle too. I don't know why I think like that, I know it's not always accurate haha.

5. He is mature, firm, smart, and can lead.

6. He is super patient and always honest to me just like how I will always be honest to him.

7. He can make me laugh and feel comfortable when I am with him.

8. He is a gentleman who knows how to treat his lady. 

9. He is taller than me. 

10. He likes traveling just like me, so that I can travel together with him.

11. He looks good in shirts and when rolling it up to elbow. I always like a man in shirts/suits.

12. He is romantic and likes to give me flowers every week/month.

Haha I need to stop now before adding more and making this list longer. I don't expect a perfect man since I'm not perfect too. I just write number 10, 11, 12 as my wish. Just a fun list on the type of man that can make me fall for him. First of the first, if we expect a gentleman then we need to be a lady. All the conclusion from this long post is just, God will give the best spouse for us.

Have a precious waiting moment!

Enjoy this song:

Faithfully 

by. Eric & Leslie Ludy

Tonight I saw a shooting star

Made me wonder where you are

For years I have been dreaming of you

And I wonder if you're thinking of me too

In this world of cheap romance

And love that only fades after the dance

They say that I'm a fool to wait for something more

How can I really love someone I've never seen before

But I have longed for true love every day that I have lived

And I know real love is all about learning how to give

So I pray that God will bring you to me

And I pray you'll find me waiting faithfully

CHORUS

Faithfully, I am yours

From now until forever

Faithfully, I will write

Write you a love song with my life

'Cause this kind of love's worth waiting for

No matter how long it takes I am yours

Tonight I saw two lovers kiss

Reminded me of my own lonliness

They say that I'm a fool to keep on praying for you

How's can I give up pleasure for a dream that won't come true

But I will keep believing that God still has a plan

And though I cannot see you now, I know that He can

And someday I will give you all of me

Until I find you, I'll be waiting faithfully

MARRIAGE-PHOBIA

When we were kids, most of us used to dream about happy marriage. Let’s say this happened because of the fairy tales? Prince and Princess get married and live happily ever after. That simple, that beautiful. However, I say most, because not all of us are so naive at our young ages. Some of us have understood about the fact, and they have another perspective that marriage is hell. Maybe they have seen enough from their parents that marriage is horrible. Marriage means fight, scream, scratch, hit, tears, bruise, or wound. Marriage means emotional pressure for them. Marriage is not as sweet as what they see and imagine.

Moreover, when we grow up, those perspectives can change. If we grow up in a happy Christ-centered family, with complete and harmonious parents, maybe we will still think that marriage means live happily ever after. But I believe that the ratio is 1:10. 1 Christ-centered family and 10 broken families. So, I will focus on those who live in the broken home. Broken home doesn’t always mean that our parents are divorced. They may still live together but they fight everyday, or they don’t talk to each other, or they talk but without love and affection. When serenity is not there. When marriage is not love anymore. It’s only responsibility, when they think that they are too tired to fix anything, so just let it be, just live this life like this. The family that looks fine outside, but cracked inside. These conditions influence the children’s thought and feeling. They may become worried and fearful.

I myself also come from a broken home. My dad has left me and my mom since when I was 7 years old. At that time I didn’t understand anything. I didn’t know that my mom had to struggle alone for me. I had seen and experienced the example of broken marriage. I hated coward irresponsible men. I hated those men who only marry women to satisfy their lusts. I hated those men who like cheating, yelling, and treating their wives badly. I’m still grateful because my mom didn’t need to face that awful physical treatment, but when I was growing up I saw that many women suffer for it. I hated men. 

The weird thing is: Despite this fact, I still want to get married. I always dream of beautiful wedding party. I dream of a prince charming who will take me out of this situation. I still hope and believe that there will be a kind man out there who will make me happy. But sometimes I doubted it. I saw many marriages and it made me anxious. None of them are good enough. No man is good enough. Why are they cheating? Why are they lying? Why are they yelling? Why are they flirting? Maybe there is no such a good man in this world. Maybe no matter how good he is, later after we get married he will change, just like the others. Maybe after I get older, my husband won’t love me anymore. Maybe he will look for other women, just like most men do. Maybe when we face financial problem, we will fight everyday. How when we raise our children? Maybe our opinions will contradict each other and we will fight again.

These were the thoughts before I knew Christ. Now, when I know Him, I know that ONE, a happy marriage still exists. That is the Chris-centered marriage. TWO, the prince charming will come, because Christ is a King, so His child must be a prince. Haha. This prince charming God has prepared and will send is someone who lives in Him, is led by the Holy Spirit, and loves Him more than me. He is not perfect. He may still have bad characters just like me, but he will be changed by God, become more Christ-like day by day. THREE, that prince charming won’t take me out from any bad situation. Jesus did. Jesus took me out and liberated me. So I am waiting for him in an awesome situation now where Christ puts me. These are His promises, and I will have to wait faithfully.

However, maybe a lot of people still doubt, because marriage doesn’t seem that easy. Yes it is not that easy, but it’s not impossible. There are still many of us who are afraid of marriage, because of seeing their parents who fight, or treat each other coldly. They even think, if marriage only causes suffering, maybe they shouldn’t get married. Well, marriage is a choice. If we want to focus serving God, then it is okay if we don’t get married like Apostle Paul. But if we want to get married, then don’t be afraid. Live in Him and pray, God will give us the best man He has prepared for us. Live a Christ-centered marriage. Have you ever seen a Christ-centered marriage becomes broken? No, I never and will not ever. It won’t happen, because when Christ is the center, we are automatically led by Holy Spirit. Christ-centered here means a marriage that begins with holiness, where the husband and wife maintain personal relationship with Christ, live in Him and He is in them, built by the Word of God, led by Holy Spirit in every aspect of their life, and unite their hearts in the altar of prayer together.

So, here I don’t say that we will never fight at all. Of course as human we can misunderstand each other; we still can feel disappointed to each other. Sometimes we can be selfish towards our spouse; sometimes we become too sensitive, sometimes we think he or she doesn’t understand us. It makes us fight. But even the best friends fight! I and one of my BFFs, call her Tempe, we also fight and we even don’t live together! She is in Samarinda and I am in Jakarta. Hahaha. When we fought, we could utter sharp words toward each other, what came from our hearts. We blamed each other. I blamed her for being too loud, she blamed me for being too sensitive. She said, “We’ve been friends for 10 years and you’ve known that I am like this.” I said, “We’ve been friends for 10 years and you’ve known that you can’t be like that.” Hehe. Sounds funny now. Well but one thing that we know, even though we are fighting we still love each other. I can feel that. When I spoke what I felt and she spoke what she felt, my heart kept saying, “You know you love her, you know you don’t want to lose her. Just say sorry. It’s no one’s fault.” VOILA. She apologized. I apologized. Problem’s solved. Self-introspection began.

See? Even after decades maybe we still can’t understand our spouse completely. We will always learn something new about his or her heart. We may find out that our spouse’ habits are annoying. We will still make mistake and hurt. Intentionally or unintentionally. We just need Christ to overcome those problems. We communicate. We forgive. We love. We learn. We accept. We give. We sacrifice. We commit.

When we have a Christ-centered marriage, the common problems faced by married people will not become our problems. For example, money. Maybe 50% husband and wife fight because of money. Money makes someone depressed. It ruins our moods. It makes us stressed out. But as the children of the King, money won’t ruin our marriage. We learn that blessing comes from God abundantly, and that money is not something worth to worry for as long as we have Christ. Nothing in this world is worth to worry if we live in Christ.

Another big problem, cheating. 70% marriages collapse because of cheating, or when our physical appearances are not attractive anymore, our spouses can easily leave us. Without Christ, it will be so easy for men to be seduced. It will be so easy to ignite the jealousy fire in women’s hearts. They will fight and argue again, maybe because of over suspicion, unsecure feeling, and so on and so forth.  But because of Christ, we are secure. We surrender our spouses into His mighty hand, and we believe that He will protect us from the snares. His Holy Spirit will keep igniting the fire of love in our marriage.

How about children? It can be source of problems, too. Well actually there are many problems that have to be faced by marriage couple, but I only mention the most common ones. Many couples don’t have the same opinion about how to raise their children. It contradicts each other and makes their children confused. They even fight and argue in front of their children. It’s not good at all. Later their children will grow up without respect towards their parents. Husband and wife should pray together and ask God to lead them how to raise their children. They should discuss and agree to lean on the Word of God and wisdom of Holy Spirit.

So, those are some discussions about how marriage won’t be horrible if we place Christ as the center. We husband and wife will become more Christ-like day by day. We will be given wisdom and strength to overcome problems occurred in our marriage life. We will bear fruit of Spirit. I hope this explanation can reduce and remove our fear and anxiety about marriage. One thing we should know, if we think that sweetness of love only happens when we are dating, but after marriage only the responsibility remains, then we are wrong. Marriage is love and commitment. Marriage in Christ, the older the sweeter, just like wine. That’s why in the wedding feast in Cana, they had abundant wine. Christ is sweet, and the marriage in Him will be sweet, too.

Nah, how to get those promises? Be faithful and obedient. Listen to what He says, do not rush, do not lust. While we are waiting, live in Him faithfully, let Him transform us to be more Christ-like day by day. We don’t expect a good husband if we are a bad wife, right? We want him to come from God, but we also have to “come from God” for him. We want him to be led by Holy Spirit, so we have to be led by Holy Spirit. We want him to listen to the Word of God, then we also have to do so. If God gives us a very patient husband, it doesn’t mean that we can keep our selfishness, we have to change too. These days, if we haven’t met him, it means God gives us time to prepare ourselves. Stop worrying; we just waste our time if we are worried. As long as we walk in Him faithfully and obediently, He will perform what He promises.

Start praying for that Christ-centered marriage since now. Start praying for our future spouse since now, that God will protect him or her, that he or she will stay holy until we meet and are bound in a holy matrimony. Why it is called HOLY matrimony, because it’s supposed to be HOLY. Do not play in our youth. Do not try something dangerous for our future. We will have to face the consequences after married. Of course we don’t want it, right? Then keep the holiness until God unites and blesses us in a marriage commitment.

"Waiting is not easy but worth doing. To get the best, you must wait. If you are patient, you will get the first and the last lover in your life."~Mam Anik, my lovely godmother. 

I also write about Waiting for a Perfect Man? Feel free to read ^^

P.S. You can download "Eight Principles of a Christ-centered Marriage HERE

You can also read "Christ Centered Marriage" by Charles Mylander & Neil T. Anderson
I haven't read it yet, please tell me how great it is!

P.P.S. Thank you Tempe for our sharing that inspired me to write this. ^^

WAITING FOR A PERFECT MAN? :D

Waiting . . .

waiting . . .

waiting . . .

Waiting for someone to come in

Waiting for someone to hold me

Waiting for someone to feed me

Waiting for someone to change my diaper

Waiting . . .

Waiting to scrawl, to walk, waiting to talk

Waiting to be cuddled

Waiting for someone to take me outside

Waiting for someone to play with me

Waiting for someone to take me outside

Waiting for someone to read to me, dress me, tie my shoes

Waiting for Mommy to brush my hair

Waiting for her to curl my hair

Waiting to wear my frilly dress

Waiting to be a pretty girl

Waiting to grow up

Waiting . . .

Waiting for my breasts to develop

Waiting to wear a bra

Waiting to menstruate

Waiting to read forbidden books

Waiting to stop being clumsy

Waiting to have a good figure

Waiting for my first date

Waiting to have a boyfriend

Waiting to go to a party, to be asked to dance, to dance close

Waiting to be beautiful

Waiting for the secret

Waiting for life to begin

Waiting…

Waiting to be somebody

Waiting to wear makeup

Waiting for my pimples to go away

Waiting to wear lipstick, to wear high heels and stockings

Waiting to get dressed up, to shave my legs

Waiting to be pretty

Waiting . . .

Waiting for him to notice me, to call me

Waiting for him to ask me out

Waiting for him to pay attention to me

Waiting for him to fall in love with me

Waiting for him to kiss me, touch me, touch my breasts

Waiting for him to pass my house

Waiting for him to tell me I’m beautiful

Waiting for him to ask me to go steady

Waiting to neck, to make out, waiting to go all the way

Waiting to smoke, to drink, to stay out late

Waiting to be a woman

Waiting . . .

Waiting for my great love

Waiting for the perfect man

Waiting for Mr. Right 

Waiting . . .

Waiting to get married

Waiting for my wedding day

Waiting for my wedding night

Waiting for sex

Waiting for him to make the first move

Waiting for him to excite me

Waiting for him to give me pleasure

Waiting for him to give me an orgasm Waiting . . .

Waiting for him to come home, to fill my time…

Waiting . . .

Waiting for my baby to come

Waiting for my belly to swell

Waiting for my breasts to fill with milk

Waiting to feel my baby move

Waiting for my legs to stop swelling

Waiting for the first contractions

Waiting for the contractions to end

Waiting for the head to emerge

Waiting for the first scream, the afterbirth

Waiting to hold my baby

Waiting for my baby to suck my milk

Waiting for my baby to stop crying

Waiting for my baby to sleep through the night

Waiting for my breasts to dry up

Waiting to get my figure back, for the stretch marks to go away

Waiting for some time to myself

Waiting to be beautiful again

Waiting for my child to go to school

Waiting for life to begin again

Waiting . . .

Waiting for my children to come home from school

Waiting for them to grow up, to leave home

Waiting to be myself

Waiting for excitement

Waiting for him to tell me something interesting, to ask me how I feel…

Waiting for him to stop being crabby, reach for my hand, kiss me good morning

Waiting for fulfillment

Waiting for the children to marry

Waiting for something to happen Waiting . . .

Waiting to lose weight

Waiting for the first gray hair

Waiting for menopause

Waiting to grow wise

Waiting . . .

Waiting for my body to break down, to get ugly

Waiting for my flesh to sag

Waiting for my breasts to shrivel up

Waiting for a visit from my children, for letters

Waiting for my friends to die

Waiting for my husband to die

Waiting . . .

Waiting to get sick

Waiting for things to get better

Waiting for winter to end

Waiting for the mirror to tell me that I’m old

Waiting for a good bowel movement

Waiting for the pain to go away

Waiting for the struggle to end

Waiting for release

Waiting for morning

Waiting for the end of the day

Waiting for sleep

Waiting…

A Poem by Faith Wilding

Heheheheh I find it quite funny when reading this poem. I can hardly say it’s wrong nor right, but we can’t deny it, seriously, yet it seems like facts.  I even think I will use this poem as my paper topic for Literary Criticism Subject, tee-hee..

I bold three sentences that really catch my eyes..

Talking about the perfect guy, I can stare at this picture for soooo long time..

You know, it's like talking to us, "Just wait till you become a skeleton and you still won't ever found him." Even for that dog :p

Yeah that's true, we can't find someone perfect, MOREOVER, A MAN, hahaha.. As if finding the kind one hasn't been difficult yet, how are we supposed to find the perfect one? It's a dream beyond the dream~

Just like a status in Facebook my friend ever showed me:

An ideal guy is.. 

not smoking,

not drinking,

not lying,

not gambling,

not cheating,

and not EXIST! :p

So every single woman in this world knows it very well, I supposed, that we shouldn't wait for a perfect man. Yet how many of us still dreaming about a handsome-tall-rich-kind-gentle-man to be our spouse? I can't deny it can be the effects for watching Korean dramas too much, haha.. 

And of course we can't blame on girls who are affected because it has been girls' natural desires and needs, to be protected and to be treated well just like the main-male-characters on Korean dramas. They always do sweet things and girls can't resist that. As my godmother said, girls' heart is like a spoonful of margarine, heat them with the warmth of love and it will melt, tee-hee~ ❀

But we have to realize that we are not that perfect to deserve someone perfect, we even are not that good to deserve someone good, but I think it's kinda God's grace to give us spouse who are too good, even when we don't deserve him, but God knows how he-who-becomes-the-right-one manage with us. Completing our imperfections, decreasing our weaknesses, and over floating our good-sides. :p So if he is created to mend our missing parts, then why we don't ask for the imperfect ones as well, so we will have something to give them. So that we can mend their 'hole' too and we just simply complete each other. It sounds good anyway, imperfect + imperfect = perfect couple. :D

Then even if we have agreed that we shouldn't wait for the perfect ones, it doesn't mean that the right ones don't exist. Still has to be said, the right decision of course is to wait for the right man. RIGHT shouldn't mean  that he has Lee Min Ho's face, Huang Xiao Ming's body (even if I adore him a lot wakakaka), Prince William's status, Robert Pattinson's popularity, nor Justin Bieber's wealth. Why am I choosing celebrity to compare by the way? :p I mean, they shouldn't be just the same as our imagination about THE RIGHT ONE. However, does it mean that we can choose as we wish, when we think he's match with us, we like him, he likes us, then it's allright? Does it run that simple? 

*O c'mon, don't try to make it complicated.*

But how if the topic about choosing our spouse is really a complicated one? How if actually, what so called like, love, care, kind,  well-settled, are not enough?

*ALRIGHT,  you just talked about meeting imperfection perfectly and now you are talking about NOT ENOUGH thing, actually what on earth are you talking about?*

What I try to say here is, in my point of view, what we see, what we think we feel, maybe haven't been enough yet for a serious long-term relationship with a man. Maybe he's kind, he's adorable, he can make us happy, make us feel secure, but here is the one thing we need to be sure of:

How is his relationship with God?

People change, yes indeed, so do men. They can be SUPER-GREAT while chasing us, ULTRA-GREAT after becoming together with us, and turn into AWFULLY-BAD while they are bored, or mad or upset, or many other things. If this happens only in the usual relationship, YES it hurts, but we still find the way out, just end it, so does the problem solved. But how if this happens in a marriage? Can we stop it, end it, and say good-bye each other, yeah right we didn't make it this time, maybe I'll try with other people? Will you?

That's why, us, women, can't depend only on what's seen through eyes. We need to ask God, is him really the right one for us, FROM GOD? Not right only in our eyes, in our heart, in our family's eyes, in our friends' eyes, but in God's eyes, is he really the one? Does he manage an intimate relationship with God? If not, then how could he lead us to do so? 

These sentences from my godmother I won't ever forget said, "When you look for a husband, see whether he has LOVE and FEAR of the Lord? Because if he doesn't, then no matter how kind he is, it's useless. Human's kindness is temporary, it depends on the situation, it's limited, but once he has love and fear of God, then God will supply him with endless heavenly kindness. Maybe your husband can't buy you a diamond or jewels, but he will be the best DIAMOND OF YOUR HEART~ wkwkkw.. I LOVE THIS ADVICE ANYWAY~ ★

So, women out there, we will find the right ones, just surrender to Him and always consult with Him for every choice and decision we make. :D

Take a look at this, you will love it: A Message from God

HAVE AN ABUNDANT LOVELY NIGHT ^^