THEOLOGY FROM A FOUR MONTH-THEOLOGIAN'S PERSPECTIVE

Hey! I just look for the meaning of "theologian" because I feel ticklish when typing it and calling myself a theologian, but Google said theologian is someone who studies theology, so it is me! So I can call myself a theologian! Haha. This is just for the sake of cool title, anyway. 

I had a hard-yet-fun time doing my lecture reflection for my Systematic Theology class, discovering about truth, God, Jesus, Bible, End Time, etc. I just learn the surface, though. A very thin layer. Still in the process of investigating, questioning, researching, digging, disclosing, revealing, and approaching this beautiful word of God.

So, I am going to share my essay, for my friends in Indonesia who are curious about what I am learning here. This class is unique because my lecturer has done a very awesome job! Basically, we come to Bible College bringing our own ideology and we call this presuppositions. They shape our way of thinking and understanding and interpreting scriptures. Mostly, we got these presuppositions from the denomination where we come from. My lecturer pictured it this way:

Our mind is inside the jar, and it has been shaped that way. When he tries to give us any information, we will just squeeze it into where it fits, because we have had all these presupposition already. That's why he will throw this thought-provoking topic, the most random thing to us, in the form of sharp-edge star into the jar to cut our presuppositions and let us rethink about it. He will not force his belief and brainwash us, instead, he wants us to find what we should believe. By cutting our presuppositions, not to say it is wrong, but to make enough place for us to accept new information and do a thorough research fairly, based on the Bible. Honestly, I am really grateful for this, although I know I am going through a lot of confusion and questioning more than before. I feel that I come here to build something on my well-built foundation, but now my foundation is simply, shattered. It is a good thing, though, because this time is the chance to build it again, stronger than before. This is a journey, a magnificent journey.

One thing I always remember from my lecturer, he said, "Do not come to Bible College expecting you will be more spiritual than others. God doesn't love you more because you have more theological knowledge, and it doesn't save you either. God doesn't become closer to you just because you learn about Him. This is not a shortcut to grow spiritually. We are just like a coal miner. We can't eat it, we will die. Coals have to be put on fire to live and release energy for people. So your theology should become alive because we are on fire for the sake of people out there. Ignite it and generate God's love for others. If you just keep stacking the coals, the fire will die, only smoke remains." This is a very good and meaningful parable, hey? Basically he is reminding us that without love, everything is in vain.

So, yeah, my essay does not contain any answer, actually more of them are questions! Haha. And I call myself a theologian. Oh my. 

Despite all my and our questions, there is one thing we should always keep in mind. One well known theologian Karl Barth was asked by his assistant one day, "What do you think is the truth?" and he will sing, "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so". Enjoy.

Part I.

It is said that everyone is doing theology, even the atheist, although then they come to the conclusion that there is no God. When talking about theology, it’s strongly related to truth, because we believe in what is true, at least for us. Honestly I come to Bible College to seek the truth, because I've got so many questions during my five years journey with Jesus as a Christian. However, I also fear that what I will hear is not the truth, but only opinions from what people believe, and it might be different from each other, depending on what denominations they are from.

I don’t know if I have to feel relieved or not now, due to the fact that they are not going to give me the truth, and I have to find it myself. It’s a good thing that they do not brainwash me, but I feel disappointed, too, because I don’t get what I want (the truth) and instead, I've got more questions than before. 

Yes, we have to check the scriptures, but it still depends on our understanding and interpretation of the scripture itself, so it is not necessarily the truth. I am also aware that our interpretation of the scriptures may again refer back to our presuppositions. We tend to fit the scriptures to our opinion instead of doing vice versa.

So I come to the conclusion that I will never find the answers of all my questions because human’s mind is way too limited to comprehend God and His work, and if we do, “we would have either reduced God to human size or leaped over the divine-human difference,” (Wilson, 2013, p. 72). However, we still can believe in the truth that God is love and Jesus Christ died for our sins and that He is risen, which again, becomes the truth for us simply from what we feel and what we have experienced.

So it is something we believe that we call faith. I believe that faith comes from knowledge, because we need to know first before we believe in it. Just like Paul said in Romans 10:17, “Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.” Even knowing the fact that we don’t know what will happen in the future yet God is with us. So it doesn't necessarily knowing the whole thing because faith is to see the things unseen, but I am talking about knowing what we believe in.

Personally, for me faith is a mysterious and dangerous thing to discuss. It applies differently to everyone. Is there such thing as right and wrong faith? When someone is sick and he is staying at home believing that Jesus will heal him instead of going to hospital, is that right or wrong? When someone needs money to pay the tuition fee, yet he waits and prays instead of trying to borrow from someone, is that right or wrong? I think we really need wisdom to deal with faith because there’s this possibility someone might end up in disappointment because of his faith, not because it’s wrong but just different from how God intends it to be. This is why we need God’s wisdom instead of human wisdom which is limited. We also need God’s wisdom to read and interpret the Bible.

It can be said that Bible is a story book and we believe in a story world, because we were not there and saw it with our own eyes. Yet we believe it happened in this real world because of the historical proofs. I used to think that Bible is flawless, that it’s 100% correct, because it’s inspired by God. I thought God used human like robots, to write down word by word exactly the same as God intended it to be. I love that idea, though, because it’s more accurate and trustable. As Enns (2005, pp. 71-110) stated, there are many contradictions in the Old Testament, such as laws about slaves, Passovers, sacrifice, and Gentiles. Not to mention the opposites found in wisdom literature like Proverbs and Ecclesiastes. However I got satisfying explanations that the Old Testament was written over a very long period of time, maybe almost one thousand years. That’s why the same event can be told differently. It also depends on the genre, for example the wisdom literature. Just like what I learned in my Old Testament class that we shouldn't read poetry the same way as we read narrative story. 

What’s more awesome is the fact that books like Proverbs and Ecclesiastes do not offer rules or steps “to do” and to be applied the way it is, because some contradict each other and we might get confused. Instead, they offer us wisdom which should be applied to our lives by wisdom as well. Now I realize that the Bible is not Mathematics; it’s Literature. Bible is not perfect, but it’s beautiful because of the humanity inside. It’s beautiful because God used our imperfections. Does it mean the Bible is not trustable? That’s why we shouldn’t believe in the Bible, but we believe through the Bible. It is a medium to the Word of God. We believe what John said, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.” We believe in Jesus through Himself, the Word of God.

If then, we believe that Bible is inspired by God, how do we define God Himself from what we read in the Bible? I was taught that God is spirit and so far it makes sense for me. I understand that God is too divine to be described, yet it’s unavoidable that people will ask who God is and how He is, and we can learn about Him through the Bible. Jesus said in John 4:24 that “God is Spirit”. However, it is important to know that God as the divine Spirit “is not merely a substance or an existing thing, but an active subject, an activity, a process” (Grenz, 2000, p. 82). He can choose to show Himself in any form He wants to, such as when He appeared as a burning bush to Moses in Exodus. He also said in Exodus 33:20 that we can’t see His face, for no one may see Him and live, which shows how holy and divine God is. 

I also believe (and like the idea) that God is omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient, and immutable. But in the class I was told that maybe God is not. There were times when God is not like what I believe. So I start to read again about God through this new perspective.

I truly believe that God is Almighty or omnipotent, since He stated it to Abram, “I am God Almighty”. If someone said there is something God cannot do, He cannot sin, well but omnipotent or almighty doesn’t mean “can do anything”. It means unlimited power, so God is not limited by anything to do whatever He wants to do (Packer, 1926). It also applies to God’s omnipresence. There’s no place where we can hide from God (Psalm 139:7), yet God can choose not to be present. For example when Jesus was crucified and bearing our sins, because God is holy.

However, I still cannot conclude whether God is omniscient or not. According to the dictionaries, omniscient means having unlimited knowledge. I always thought that God’s knowledge is not limited by space and time, He knows even what’s in men’s hearts (Psalms 44:21) and yes the scripture tells us God knows the future (Isaiah 46:9-10) because He is the Alpha and Omega. Then how could God still need to test Abraham’s faith and why did God regret destroying human with the flood? Yes, we have our free will of choice and some people said God doesn’t know our choices. He just knows if we choose A, this will happen and if we choose B, that will happen. But I thought God knows everything even before it happens, including what we will choose, A or B?

I also agree that God is unchanging, He is the same in the past, present, and future. Even so, it’s kind of funny seeing God changed His mind after some ‘discussions’ with men like Abram and Moses. Just like what Enns (2005, p.103) said, “He acts more humanlike than godlike.” I would like to believe that there must be reasons why God did that. To make it safe, I prefer the idea that God just wants to take us into account. That He is open and just. That He loves us so much that He speaks to us like a friend. That’s the reason why He creates us, right?

Talking about creation, I never doubt or think at all about the truth behind it. I simply reject evolution theory and believe that God created Adam and Eve. Christians believe that God is the creator of all. Yet there are some arguments about creation and whether we should take it literary. According to Grenz (2000, pp.109-110), creation happened in the past when God in the beginning created Heaven and Earth (Gen 1:1), yet it’s still continuing to the future when God creates new heaven and new earth (Rev 21:1) It means that the act of creation is not complete. There is also an idea that what Bible means with 6 days is actually 6000 years because one day for God is 1000 years for us, and after everything is finished when Jesus comes for the second time, God will rest on the seventh day. 

All these things about Creation and the Second Coming have raised so many arguments but for me it will remain a mystery, since we don’t know whether to take the stories literally or not. Those two are strongly connected, if we take the creation story literally, then we know what will happen in the second coming (like rapture, including what happens when we die, etc.) is literal, too, and vice versa. 

I also would rather not to stand on one side either Bible or science. I just realized from the discussions with my classmates, that it doesn't need to be black and white. It doesn't need to be either Theology or Science is the right one. Theology never makes sense (because God is too great for our logic), yet science makes too much sense (which is scary because we depend too much on logic). Some scientific theories contradict to the Bible (like Darwin’s theory), but some support it! So it’s not impossible for theology and science to walk hand in hand.

Maybe for some people it’s not important how God created this world, as long as we believe that God created us, that’s enough. Well, I agree, because the key message about the whole creation story is about love, how God created us out of abundant love. However, I do concern about people who ignore the doctrine of creation because it is important for them to know about God’s love from the beginning, not only from what Christ has done on the cross.

I do have a question, though. If God created us out of love, then why in the end there will be people who won’t be saved? Okay, because one person has fallen to sin then we all sin. We don’t have choice. Then because of one man, Jesus, everyone can be saved, but why is it a choice? Then there will be people who make wrong choices. There will be people who don’t understand and do not choose Him. 

In conclusion, I agree with the idea that truth is not in the box, and one thing for sure that should be the centre core of our faith is that Jesus loves us. It should remain unshakable. However, I also learn that wrong theology can be fatal for other people and ruin their lives. Therefore we need to prayerfully check the scripture and learn and ask God for wisdom.

Part II.

Is Genesis a myth? It is said that the intention of Genesis is not to give us scientific truth, but universal truth about who God is and what the world is like. It’s a framework truth. So I learn that truth is not in the box, we can use more and less method. When we believe that Jesus is the truth, we can measure whether something drives us more to Jesus or drives us less from Jesus. The centre core of our faith remains unshakable there. However, to believe in Jesus as the truth, we need to be convinced of the Bible as the only source to know Christ. So, is Bible a myth? 

Along with the advance progress of technology, it seems rational to consider Bible as myth, but apparently it already happened long time ago even for Greek and Hebrew thought. According to Oswalt (2009, pp. 23-28), they have this swaying thought and faith regarding God (or gods). They recognize one God, God the Creator, but then also many gods, who have control to reward them and punish them. Time goes by when logic and science rule this world, rationality becomes rationalism and creates more questions to ask and explanation to doubt.

Not only in Christianity, other religions and beliefs also have the same situation. They derive the teaching from historical moments, not merely a myth, although it also links with supernatural phenomenon which cannot be explained by logic and science. For example, Buddhism worships Siddhartha Gautama who was born in around 500 BC before then he had “the moment of enlightenment” and became Buddha (Dickson, 2004, p. 50). He is not one of the gods created by human or just an illusion or psychological experience. 

It is important to understand the definition of the myth itself. According to Oswalt (2009, pp. 31-38), there are some definitions of myth, they can be “a false legend of the gods”, “story of the gods in which results of natural causes are accounted for supernaturally”, “a narrative in which there is a deeply serious use of symbolism to convey profound realities”. He concludes that myth is “a form of expression, that the continuities among human, natural, and divine realms are expressed and actualized”. He argues that if this definition is accepted, then Bible is not myth, whatever the Bible is, because Bible has “completely different understanding of existence and of the relations among the realms. It is not a continuous divine reality out of the real invisible world into this visible reflection of that reality. It is a rehearsal of the nonrepeateable acts of God in identifiable time and space in concert with human beings to provoke human choices and behaviour through the medium of memory. So whether Bible is symbol or literal, it is not myth" (p. 46).

Bible is the only source where we can learn to know God and His character. However, His character portrayed differently in the Old and New Testament. Therefore some scholars claim that He has different personality. God in the Old Testament is bad, wrathful, jealous, but God in the New Testament (Jesus Christ) is good, graceful, merciful, patient, etc. Jesus wants to save us from that Old Testament God who wants to punish us. I do wonder why God in the Old Testament seems like to destroy people and exclusively love His nation, which sounds a bit unfair for me. Then how about other nations? Does God care for them, provide for them, love them and notice them? 

However, I believe that God is good both in the Old and New Testament. I come to this realization when learning about the book of Jonah. We often struggle and rebel against God, when He tells us to do something against our human will. However, we can see God’s character towards His beloved ones who call out His name, compassionate and merciful. It might be late for us, but it is never too late for God. God never says, “Too late, you have already ruined it,” and He still can and is able to make something good out of something bad.

God’s character is described by Jonah as “merciful, slow to anger, compassionate, and abounding in love,” (Bruckner, 2004, pp. 110-111). It is not only stated but can be seen and felt through our journey together with Jonah. He also has shown how patient He is when reasoning with the angry Jonah, just like a father who tries to teach something to his angry son very patiently. He did not even tell or insist Jonah to do something. He just demonstrated and asked questions to Jonah gently.

God’s loving character then was revealed in Jesus Christ perfectly. Just like God who loves everyone, even the enemy of His children, so does Jesus who died for everyone, the lover and hater of God. He is a relational God who comes entering space and time, becoming weak and vulnerable but coming out as the majestic God of love. We can engage with Him because He becomes us in our weakest.

There are some beliefs that God incarnated as Jesus, or Jesus is just ordinary human before he gets baptized and adopted by God to become the instrument of salvation. Or that the whole story about Jesus being God Himself is just myth? Phillips as quoted by Yancey (1995, p. 20) states “I have read, in Greek and Latin, scores of myths, but I did not find the slightest flavour of myth here. No man could have set down such artless and vulnerable accounts as these unless some real Event lay behind them.” Jesus Himself never offered proof of His identity. He gave hint and clue, but that’s all.

I, maybe like most Christians, ever doubted Jesus. We have a lot of false teachers in my country who claim as god’s incarnation. They do miracles, teach doctrines, and make disciples, before the neighbourhood find it disturbing simply because the teaching is different from what the country accepts. This makes me question, what is the difference? How if all this time, we Christians are just deceived by a man who claimed to be God? 

If I am told to learn about Him to know more, even Yancey (1995, p. 23) states that the more he studied Jesus, the more difficult it was. It is dangerous when we assume that we know the attributes of God and we collect Him from any source rather than revelation from God. It’s not Jesus is like God, but God is just like Himself. God is actually like Jesus. So that means if I have any idea of God that doesn't fit Jesus then I have to chunk it away. However, Yancey (1995, p. 24) states that we should see Jesus as a human being to make sense of him, because He was, just like everyone else, yet different. 

Should we see Jesus from below or above? Karkkainen (2003, p. 12-14) states that there are two options to see Jesus, from below sees the historical Jesus and basis, for above uses the theological approach found in the New Testament. According to Pannenberg as quoted by Karkkainen, it is important to see both way. History is important so that we do not “create our own Christ”, but it should not limit the miracles and work of Christ recorded by His disciples. 

Some denominations like Pentecost and Charismatic, as mentioned by Karkkainen (2003, p. 16) have the most “controversial Christological model”, where they look to Christ as the miracle worker and baptizer with the Holy Spirit, as source of power for healing, casting out evil, and giving prophecy. Grenz (2000, p. 440) states that in conversion the Spirit gives us power for service. He enables us to do things in the process of salvation, from sanctification to glorification. So the saving work does not end at conversion, rather it is a continuous process of transformation to be Christlike which happens on and on. Pentecostal movement believes so, but I think the process and manifestation happens in more dramatic way. Coming from Pentecostal background myself, I see the significant difference, not in the terms of which one is better, but it is simply different. How, then, the same Spirit produces different outcomes?

I must say I would rather not to think, discuss, and argue about this with anyone. However, this one part will lead to many other aspects, such as the way we talk about wisdom, gift, prayer, worship, and many more. It is important to understand about the Holy Spirit just like how we understand Jesus, yet it is hard. I love the remark by Eduard Schweizer as quoted by Karkkainen (2010, p. 3) that “long before the Spirit was a theme of doctrine, He was a fact in the experience of the community”. I come to this conclusion that we should see the Holy Spirit from the way He works in the Pentecost and forward. He enables people to speak in tongue, in other languages, and they produce a lot of miracles. It still can and is happening today. He also works within people to enable us to love unconditionally, forgive genuinely, and bless wholeheartedly. In a dramatic or calm way, it is the same Holy Spirit who works to glorify God and help us to be more Christ like day by day.

It is dangerous, though, when we start to think that Holy Spirit should be trained in certain way to have a level up, to work more powerfully, do greater miracle, produce clearer prophecy and vision, bring us closer to God, and so on. I am so surprised that somewhere out there we can find prophetic training and even audition. For this reason, people discipline ourselves to pray and read Bible every day, fast every week, train ourselves in every occasion, then soon it will be legalism. I struggled before to differentiate legalism and obedience. Now I understand, that obedience comes as a result of a humble heart, while legalism is on the contrary.

I think spiritual discipline is also part of obedience to God. Sometimes we are lazy to do such things because of our flesh, but we are told that by God’s strength we actually can conquer it, as long as we obey. Therefore it can help us to grow in Christ. The process of growing also sometimes happen through suffering and crisis. Just like the parable of a coal that needs pressure to turn into a diamond, Chandler (2014, p. 81) mentions that “through the ages, men and women have been shaped into Christlikeness through suffering”. This power that presses us, then, will shape us spiritually depending on how we deal with it. Back again, how we respond to problems and how we come out from the problems (either as victor or loser) depends on our relationship with Him, which can only be built through intimacy and time spent together.

OH, JOURNEY WITH GOD IS NEVER EASY, RIGHT?

Previous posts:

Am I Ready to Walk this Journey of Faith?

and

I am Ready, I think. Wait, I'm not sure. Well.

So, my plan was to fly back to Perth on August 1, 2014 because school would start on August 4. I applied for accommodation on campus few weeks before leaving Perth and was on the waiting list.

I was still on the waiting list until I went back to Indonesia, but I didn’t worry because I still had one month before going back to Perth and I thought someone would move out during that period of time, because it’s a new semester. So I was completely relaxed.

Too relaxed actually, I didn’t make any Plan B because I thought God would prepare for me. 

Four days before leaving Indonesia, I emailed my campus and the reply was, “We are still waiting for one lady to decide, if she doesn’t want it, you can have it.”

The next day, I got informed that the lady wanted that unit. They offered me a single room, but I needed a unit for me and my mom. I started to panic. It’s only three days left. I already contacted my previous housemate, he would be happy for me to live there again but his house was full. 

I scrolled on Gumtree the whole day but I couldn’t find any house that suited my budget. Even if I was willing to pay more, the landlord usually needed to assess me first. My job, my income, my previous rental experience and reference, etc. It would take time, at least one week. I didn’t look for something fancy. I just needed a place to sleep. Even if it’s small, ugly, I didn’t care. But even for a small, ugly, and unfurnished house, I couldn’t have it.

So after three days I spent like 50 hours looking for somewhere to live, I got nothing at all and I was so depressed. I already felt so burdened to leave my dog and started this new journey without any security in front of me, couldn’t He at least give me a place to live? I had no job and no big saving; it’s okay. But if I didn’t have a place to sleep, what should I do? 

I started to question God. I thought God would prepare for me. Suddenly I felt like want to cancel everything and stay in my country. Just cancelled everything. My visa, my school, my flight. Just asked my mom to unpack everything. Silly, hey? But it really came across my mind. 

The good thing was I still could think that it’s silly, so I didn’t really do it. One day before departure, my godmom suggested me to live in my high school friend’s house. I didn’t want to live there because it’s so far from my campus (and workplace, if I work at Karrinyup Shopping Centre again). It’s like 3 hours round way, two busses and one train. It’s an exhausting journey. Moreover, we would live with other 7 people who rented in that house, so I was afraid my mom would just stay in the bedroom all day long. But I really had no choice, so I contacted my friend, and he helped me and gave me one bedroom. I only could stay there for one month, because actually that room was not vacant. Oh, and it’s really cheap, thanks to my friend’s kindness. 

So yeah, school started, and I was startled. I copy what I wrote in my prayer diary here:

“Today is my first class at PBC. I feel like I don’t belong here. What was I thinking, decided to study here on Master level? Isn’t it too naive, if I say I want to know more about Your words because they are beautiful? But to think critically and do the assignments like a post-graduate student, I am not confident at all. I think even the undergraduate students are doing better than me.”

The problem is, I still think like a bachelor degree student, and it’s just different, the study in my country and here. I would have a lot to catch up and as if I hadn't had limited time, I still had to spend 3 hours everyday to commute? Why didn't God make my life easier? Oh yeah, and I got the job at my old place, so it didn't make sense to travel 3 hours everyday for 4 hours work. I would not have time to study! It's so frustrating! #thisdramaqueenthing

I was such a bad child. I tried to trust His heart. I convinced myself that there must be a reason I couldn't live on campus. But I couldn't. I let disappointment and doubt crept in my heart and ingrained in my mind. It was like the one-week-syndrome that happened during the adjustment, just like last year when I first arrived as I shared here.

But during my grumble, something amazing happened.

My mom kept saying, "Don't worry, we have God. We have Jesus."

I wanted to cry hearing that. It's simply amazing. My mom hasn't accepted Jesus as her Savior. Not because she doesn't want to, she just doesn't understand. For her, there's only one God. God of all religions. God the creator. And yes, she's not wrong.

I just prayed that someday she might understand about salvation, about what Jesus has done for her and for me. That Jesus cares about her, and Jesus provides.

Who knows that here, on our journey together with sweet Jesus, my mom started to hold Jesus' hand?

It's funny how I could say "Jesus provides" but I still worried about providence. I could say "He knows the best" yet I kept thinking that He made a mistake by placing me so far away from my school. I could say "Jesus cares" but I kept feeling that Jesus didn't care of how tired and anxious I was.

So, after seeing my mother's optimism, we started to pray together. Prayed to Jesus. Every night.

We listened to Chinese gospel songs. We read the lyrics, tried to understand the meaning together. Tried to trust Jesus in this uncertainty.

After 10 days, I felt so exhausted again. I hadn't started working yet because I had to do the induction again. I worried again because of this accommodation thing. I had to find somewhere to live in less than 3 weeks. I really wanted to live in North, but it's so expensive. If I rented a room, my mom would be so bored. If I rented a house, my budget was only enough for unfurnished one, which was impossible. But even after I looked for room and unfurnished house, I still couldn't find a place for us. I hated this situation. I hated living in worry. I hated uncertainty.

I let peace be stolen from me again, but I didn't want to tell my godmom because it's the same problem again. Then one morning, my godmom called me and I didn't know how suddenly we talked about this. And I got scolded (in a good way) haha. I felt like the pan bottom thickly covered by burnt grease, which needed to be cleaned by steel brush. It's painful, but I am grateful it's removed.

So, she said there were few things I should pay attention to. First, because I was lazy. That's why I was grumpy to commute 3 hours everyday, instead of being grateful and joyful.

Second, apparently I had a problem with Materialism.

It made me worry, greedy, envious.

I might not realize it before, but after she told me what she saw, I thought "Yes, she's right."

I think I have changed.

I used to be so money-free before, well because my mom was the one who worried about money, not me. I saw how God provided for me when I was in university, I had nothing to fear. I had enough (well sometimes less than enough) but God never let us starve. I was not afraid of poverty (because we survived). I never had excessive money so I was not afraid of losing it. I was so worry-free.

Then I started to earn my own money. Started handling our expenses, started to spend without too much consideration (and it felt good). I started to live with that feeling when I saw my bank account and felt secured.

I started to love money. But I didn't realize. I thought it's just my gratefulness of God's blessing.

Until I came to Australia and earned more, and saw how easy people spent their money. How easy your life is when you have a lot of money. And how hard it is to be poor. I didn't want to suffer again because of not having enough money. I didn't want to go back to those difficult moments. If I had money I could do a lot of things. I could help so many people. That's why the idea of coming back here and going to Bible College took me so long to decide, because I knew what I would face ahead.

That's why I lost my peace and I kept worrying. Because I relied my security on money. On my saving. On certainty. On my own strength. Because I kept seeing things from the wrong perspective. Yes, money solves a lot of problem. Yes, money makes life easier. Yes, money is what we need to save those starving people in Africa. I need money to live, I need money to pay my tuition fee. I need money to buy plane tickets for my mom. I need money to go to doctor if I'm sick.

But if one day something happens to our money, that we may lose it all, what do we have that remains? My lecturer at PBC asked about this, too. Little bits and pieces here and there started to connect each other and slowly I understood what God wanted me to learn.

So yeah, my godmom talked about this for more than two hours, if I held my tears with bucket it would be 3 or 4 buckets full haha. Blame me for being such a crybaby forever, but it's also her specialty to make people cry. LOL. But I was really thankful because I felt like a veil had just been unfold. I kept wondering what's my problem, why I kept worrying and couldn't be peaceful about this. AHA! So this was the root and now after realizing and confessing this, I felt so relieved.

Then I started to accept things gratefully.

The next day, I went to school as usual. Lunch time, I sat beside this girl named Amy. I asked her where she lives, and she asked me where I live. Apparently she lived in a one-bedroom unit on campus, and she was thinking of moving out. So when she knew that I was looking for a place nearby, she said if she moved out, I could move in! But she hadn't decided yet, she was still thinking about it.

WOW! Actually it was too good to be true, so I was excited but I tried to calm myself down and just prayed. I didn't even tell my mom or anyone because it hadn't been confirmed yet.

In the afternoon, Amy met me again on my way to bus stop, she said, "Actually I think I will move to another house nearby, I will pray about this and you should pray about this, too. I think you really can move in, but they say there is a waiting list, so maybe you can ask them about this, I just don't want you to get disappointed."

So yeah, I just kept it for myself and I prayed. I emailed my campus to ask, and the next day I got the answer that I was on the top of the waiting list. Then Amy said that she confirmed she would move, she just hadn't known when, it could be this week or next week. I said I didn't mind. I told my mom and we were so happy!

Then at night, I had to pay my rent and I checked my bank account. My saving was worrying. Hahaha. My mind already said, "It's not enough," but my heart asked, "If your dad is rich and you can ask him to send money, will you worry?" I said, "Of course not!" So my heart said, "Then? Your Dad Jesus is super rich and when you need money He will provide, you can just ask Him, so why you worry?" Then I went to sleep so burden-free.

Amy said it's confirmed that we could move in on August 24. It was three weeks after I arrived in Australia. We moved in on Sunday, and I just knew that there are only FOUR units for one-bedroom. FOUR! Of course it's hard to get! I thought they had ten units, that's why I was so relaxed when I applied before. Hahaha.

So it's such a MIRACLE that I can live here with my mom!

Besides, now I know why God let me wait!

1. I hadn't started working yet in my first two weeks here. My rental fee in my friend's house was half of the fee on campus (because it's a room not a unit). So I could save up before I could start earning!
2. My campus offers work contract for students to reduce their tuition fee. It's 2,5 hours a week (22 bucks/hour). So it reduces 720 AUD per semester. I already have my work contract, but because Amy doesn't live on campus anymore, I also have to do what she used to do every morning before class starts. So now I have two work contracts! Amy's unit is number 3, where I am living now. If I got the unit before I came here, I would live in unit number 1. So I would not 'replace' Amy and her work contract. Amazing, hey?
3. I really like this unit number 3 because of its vintage couches and peach-colored kitchen! Other units don't have this. Haha, it's just me and my silly taste, but God really knows, doesn't He?
4. Only because I had this waiting time, I got rebuked about my materialism and ungratefulness. If not, I would never realize it. It's true that God teaches us the best through problems. Because when everything is in the pink, our heart's response is automatically flowery, too. So through this situation I just could see that my faith was so shallow. So worth it, really. 
5. The most priceless and irreplaceable thing was when my mom showed her faith in Jesus and our time spent together, surrendering our future and hope in Jesus alone. We wouldn't have this moment if God simply gave us what we wanted.

Why is it really good to live on campus?

First, it's only two mins walk to my class.

Second, I have unlimited access to library, 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.

Third, we have our own unit, not room, which means my mom can do whatever she wants to do. And it makes her happy. She can even do gardening.

Forth, it's cheap for a unit! It's half price compared to the furnished houses out there. It's completely and generously furnished we don't need to buy anything! Well, except rice cooker, because they don't eat rice. Haha.

Fifth, it's 2 mins by bus or 25 mins walk to my workplace.

Isn't our God awesome? I will post the pictures after I finish decorating my house, which I still don't know when. I am so excited! I can sense my creative side wants to burst out. Haha.

So, yeah, it was hard for me when I first arrived, and I believed God just shook His head seeing my bad response towards any trial I faced. I just needed to simply believe, that He knows best, and everything is beautiful in His timing, yet I had to disappoint Him so much at first with my attitude. So to conclude this testimony, I learned one thing through my journey before and now:

"It's our heart's response. Just exactly after my heart attitude is right, I start to see how God works. It's not that He can't, or He doesn't want. It's not that He likes to hold something good from us. He just wants a faithful and grateful heart, for us to see miracles, so that His glory may be revealed through our lives. For us to be a man and woman after God's own heart."

Lesson learned. Easy to write now, but it was learned through so much tears. Because of my wrong heart's response, I almost failed to see how loving God is. And no, God hasn't finished with me. Since I started working, I only had 8 to 11 working hours every week. Logically, it's not enough. I wanted to find another job but I couldn't because of my assignments. Logically, I should start to worry. But what's amazing is, I do not worry. Well, maybe not yet. And I don't know what's ahead of me. One thing I know, it will be the next blog post full of miracles of how God provides. See you then!

Perth, September 6, 2014

I AM READY, I THINK, WAIT, I'M NOT SURE, WELL.

Previous post: Am I Ready to Walk this Journey of Faith?

I just want to share how God guides my steps in the process of coming back had left me in awe. I was and am supposed to be fearless and faithful to have Him but why sometimes I still doubt. Yet, what's amazing is He never leaves us even when we doubt Him. Imagine this kinda conversation that comes up between us human:

A: Hey, don't worry I will solve it for you.

B: Really? How could you do that? It's impossible.

A: Yeah I can do that, just leave it to me.

B: But I don't think you can. Tell me how, can I really trust you?

A: I said I'm going to take care of this, just lay back.

B: But it's hard. Impossible. You sure? Oh, I don't think you can do this.

A: ARGGGGH WHATEVER DO IT YOURSELF!

Haha, we are so blessed that God is NOT like that, or screw us.

This shall be a reminder for myself, too. If one day I want to give up, I should not. If one day I doubt again, which I know I will.

So, after decided to go to Bible College, the next step was to prepare everything. I went to PBC and met the Dean of Study who gave me the form to fill in. I asked if I could use my TOEFL test result, and she thought I could. I was relieved because then I didn't need to take IELTS test which was expensive, and difficult. My TOEFL result was equal to IELTS 7.5 but I knew if I took the IELTS test itself I might not get high score since it's so different from TOEFL, much more complex. 

So time passed by and four weeks before leaving Australia she told me that I couldn't use my TOEFL test, so I should quickly sign up for IELTS test. The problem was, usually they close the registration two weeks before the date if their seats are full already. I needed to take the test as soon as possible because the result would come out two weeks after. After googling here and there, all institutions had closed their registrations, but I found IDP in City still have seats for June 7, 2014. I thought, ah this one was good, it's the quickest available. It costed me 330 AUD, for Dogai sake.

Then I had two weeks to prepare for my test. I borrowed IELTS books from my friend. Trying to study but so many distractions, which mostly happened because of my irresponsible laziness and procrastination habit. I thought I still had tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, until the night before my speaking test on Tuesday, I practiced with my cousin and totally messed up. Haha. I was so nervous on that day Speaking test was held. They recorded us, so they could listen again and assessed really accurately. 

There were three parts in Speaking test, and the second part required us to speak non stop for 2 minutes about one topic. My topic was: "Tell the story about family celebration, eg. wedding."

We had one minute to make plan, so I already planned to talk about my grandmother's funeral. Then two seconds before I started talking, I just thought again, "Is funeral a celebration? DANG! Maybe it's not! OH NO!!!" Then I changed my plan in one second and start talking about my cousin's wedding. Then after I stopped, the examiner said, "You still have time." I was completely blank, I didn't know what to say anymore. Then there's like 10 seconds pause, before I continued a bit and time's up. Huhu, I knew I messed up. Not forget to mention, I talked too casually, just like talking to people at church. "Yeah, you know, it was like, yeah, yeah, bla bla bla.." Haha. After finished, I just realized and thought, "Gee, what was I doing?"

The requirement for Master Degree is band 7 with one 6.5, so I was so worried. I planned to study well for listening, reading, and writing test which would be done on Saturday. But since I had to make the presentation for my church's mission trip, with a lot of revisions here and there, I couldn't study well, haha. I blamed my procrastination habit for this. 

What's worse? My friend was surprised when he knew I took the test at IDP. He said it's like the most difficult institution. Why among all institutions in Perth I had to choose that? We had one in North that's really easy, or at least other institutions, but why IDP? I said because I had no choice, all full booked, only IDP available haha. It made me worried more. Moreover the reading part, it;s so academic! With all those chemicals and science thing.

When I was doing the test, I was pretty sure with my listening and thank God there's no difficult passage for reading; it's just about historical and cultural thingy. But for writing I was not confident because I thought I presented the wrong idea. I could just pray and surrendered everything to God. Apparently, on June 20 which was 3 days before going home, I checked the result online. 

Unexpectedly and miraculously, I got overall band of 7.5, with 8 for Listening, 7.5 for Reading, 6.5 for Writing, and 7.5 for Speaking! IT WAS WEIRD HAHAHA. But I was soooooo happy!!! It was my last day working, too, and I was hanging out with my best friend celebrating the end of my one year journey, plus after I got home my cousin, his friend, and my uncle were drinking wine so we celebrated it with wine, too. Haha.

Then, I needed to meet the money requirement to apply for the visa. That's why I shared on previous post God is in My Tomorrow, that living with my cousin (Koko) had led to another testimony. How God had introduced me to him! First, I lived in his house and saved up my money for rent and food. Second, Koko helped me by providing financial support letter for my visa requirement. For Master Degree, I had to have 55.000 AUD, which of course I didn't have. So, he gave me his bank statement. I was so grateful that he wanted to help me, remembering that we just knew each other for four months.

Do you remember that I said I wanted to bring my mom here? Because I didn't want her to live alone there. I know money can't make my mom happy. There's no point I send a lot of money to her, because she will not use it anyway. She just wants to be with me, and so do I. So I expected to apply for tourist visa for my mom, maybe they would give three months for the first time. Or maybe I should just come back as a student first, then invited her over. I was so confused, because if I came first, then how could my mom come here alone? I should picked her up again, which would cost a lot of money, right?

Then all of a sudden, my another cousin (jie-jie) who lives in Sydney contacted me on Facebook. We hadn't contacted each other for long time because she deactivated her Facebook. So, she messaged me and asked what would I do after this. I said I wanted to study, and she said that's good, have you sent money to your mom, don't forget your mom, etc. So I said, I wouldn't forget my mom, I wanted to bring her here with me. Jie-jie said, "Oh, you should try to write a letter to immigration, stating that your mom is a single parent and you are the only child, who knows they give you one year visa instead of three months." Then she explained a lot and I asked her, "Jie-jie, how do you know everything about visa?" She said, "Because now I am working as migration and education agent." WOW! ISN'T GOD AWESOME? HE SENT ME A FREE AGENT TO HELP ME!

So I asked Koko again, could I change the letter a bit, stating that he would financially support my mom also. We discussed about this and he signed the new letter. Actually when typing this I am so joyful, remembering how God has provided these people to help me. I was so worried if my visa got rejected. Or my mom's visa. But my godmom tried to convince me, "If this is God's will, then He will make it happen. If not, then God has a better plan for you." So yeah, I went back to Indonesia, and tried to look for an agent to help me with this student visa application. But I ended up applying by myself, which was pretty simple, just like when I applied for my work and holiday visa.

Thank God I applied on June 30 after getting my Confirmation of Enrollment. The officer told me if I applied the next day, July 1, the price would increase significantly. Hahaha. God's timing.

Then I joined my church's mission trip in Kediri for a week, and on 9th day after my application, my mom's tourist visa was granted, and guess what?

She got THREE YEARS tourist visa. She still has to leave the country every three months, tho. But it's even better than I imagined. Three years! So I don't need to re-apply again every three months or one year, which will save me a lot of money! Praise God!

On 11th day, it's my turn to have my visa granted. We praise God for His kindness, and for giving me chance to bring my mom to Australia. It means a lot to her.

So, we were ready to go. We booked our tickets. We packed everything we needed to bring. Unfortunately we couldn't bring Dogai. #tearful

Oh, were we really ready to go? Hmm, yes? Were we ready to walk in faith? No. Suddenly I trembled again, a week before departure.

I talked to my godmom again on BBM, that my money is only enough for one year tuition fee. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how illogical it is to study Master for three years.

My godmom said, "Oh, again?" Haha. So here's the long advice:

"If God knows you can't make it, He will not open your way to this point. Even your cousin (another one in my Bachelor Degree's testimony) said this is a miracle. Miracle means it's not your own strength, but it's God's hand working. You think it's not enough because you can only work 20 hours per week, but God's blessings do not depend on your wages only. If you keep saying negative things, you will be weak. Nothing will be in vain if you walk with God. Every step in our lives is in God's plan if we pray and lean on God. If you doubt, it means you think God doesn't know what He is doing. If only you know who God is. God bless you in many ways. Maybe you feel that your faith is so shallow, but it's okay as long as you want to lean on God. By walking with God you will see His providence and accompaniment, and your faith will grow. Don't be shy that your faith is not strong, everyone starts from zero. That's why I said this is a privilege, because you can have the chance to have a growing faith. You just need to be grateful for what you are facing. You said before that it's just like a dream, you could pass the IELTS test although you didn't prepare well, you got your visa granted because someone wanted to help you, you can even bring your mom with you. You are afraid of the uncertainty of your future, but God is more than our parents. Parents will never play on their children's future. Moreover God, He will never do that. You said you are teary now? I am drenched already. Because I can see how God loves you abundantly, while you are still lazy to pray, but He still loves you this much. Now you have to learn to walk by faith not by sight. It all starts with the first step of faith, which is not easy and seems impossible. But if you love God and trust Him, He will make miracles."

Long, hey? Haha. I was so teary because I was sad and ashamed. I have walked with Him during these five years and He has shown how faithful He is, is that not enough? I said sorry to my godmom for doing this AGAIN (I had done this several times before), and she said, "Don't worry, believe me you will come to me again like this in a very short time. This is part of the process, as long as you keep going, don't be afraid to step forward."

So yeah, after the enlightenment and encouragement I felt ready then. 

Uh-oh, but three days before departure, I got an email from my campus saying that there's no unit available for me. So where am I and mommy going to live?

to be continued...
Click here to read the next part.

AM I READY TO WALK THIS JOURNEY OF FAITH?

I've had many tears and sorrows,

I've had questions for tomorrow,

there's been times I didn't know right from wrong.

But in every situation,

God gave me blessed consolation,

that my trials come only to make me strong.

I thank God for the mountains,

and I thank Him for the valleys,

I thank Him for the storms He brought me through.

For if I'd never had a problem,

I wouldn't know God could solve them,

I'd never know what faith in God could do.

Andrae Crouch

This is a very good song, Through It All, click the link to listen to the song, and his testimony, too. I first heard this song on one Sunday morning at church and I felt that this song is so me (and I believe it applies to you as well). I love its simple-yet-so-true lyric and also peaceful melody. This was exactly what I felt at that time when I was in work and holiday visa, how through all the problems and sorrows He let me learn to trust Him and depend on Him alone. 

Apparently when I was about to go back to my country, my godmother posted this song to Facebook and wrote:

"Sending this beautiful song for my goddaughter on her last day of full time work in Perth. Thanking God for the privilege of being the witness of how God has been carrying her through all her journey so far, especially this last miraculous eleven months. Praying and exciting for the next level of her journey in faith to be a blessed strong woman in God who would be inspiring and blessing many others. Love you & proud of you sweet bunny. This song came across my mind when thinking & praying for you and I can see that this song is just exactly like your journey through this year."

Hahaha. It's amazing, while I never told her how I felt about this song. So yeah, she gave this song to me also as a reminder for my next journey, which I'm going to share here. If last year I was walking my journey of patience, now I am walking my journey of faith.

So, yeah. It all started when I was still in my work and holiday visa last year. Discussing about the future, my godmother suggested me to come back and study and bring my mom with me. Sounds tempting, and I always dreamed to pursue my education to Master Degree. It's a silly dream actually for someone like me, who managed to graduate from my Bachelor Degree only by miraculous grace of God. But I really wanted to study more and I thought I would need scholarship to make it come true.

If I had to pay everything by myself, I wouldn't afford it for sure! And as a Chinese descendant, I never thought spending money on education is better investment than business. Yes, I do have that chance to earn money in Australia before, but why would I spend my earned-with-sweat-tears-and-blood-money for studying? Wasn't it wiser to start a business and see how money grows on the tree?

I also didn't know what I wanted to learn. I was always interested in humanity, but selfishly I was also attracted to art, fashion, and travelling thingy.

I also questioned God why I failed in three scholarship programs that I applied and thought maybe I am not qualified enough for the scholarship. Or does God have another plan for me? 

When my godmother mentioned about Bible College, hmm.. I didn't think I had that divine calling. I always imagined when someone decides to become a preacher he will be called directly like how God called Moses or Paul. "Hey Martina, come and study Theology, I want you to preach the gospel bla bla bla." So I was not sure. Since high school I always say I want to serve Him, but I also always believe that serving God doesn't require someone to study Theology (even until now).

These were some reasons (or excuses) why I was not sure to go to Bible College:

1. I want to serve God but I don't want to preach verbally. I prefer writing, drawing, or sharing my testimony. I just don't feel I have talent in public speaking. 
2. I'm afraid of what people think. I don't want to face that question; Why do you go to Bible College? Do you want to become a pastor? I'm afraid they will think I am crazy, illogical. I'm afraid they will think I am not good enough to go there. Or later after I start studying and I still sin, people will think, "She goes to Bible College but she's still like that."
3. I don't know what kind of job I will do later after graduation. 
4. I don't have enough money. Actually I don't have enough money to study whatever the major is. Hahaha.
5. How if it's not God's calling?

And yeah, I was also not sure to come back here and part of my mind just wanted to stay in Indonesia, my comfort zone. I wanted to stay with mommy. I didn't want to live separated from mommy again because it's torturing me and her as well. In addition, if I wanted to study here, it means that I have to work hard again! Oh no! My beautiful nails! 

But... I also had that strong desire to come back and live here. I always wanted to live abroad. 

I struggled with this for approximately seven months, and started thinking and annoying my godmom four months before going back. I had that moment when I said "Okay, I'm going to study," then, "Okay, I've decided I'm going back to my country!" like several times. I know my godmom was ready to kill me. Haha. So, I presented all those excuses to her.

Slowly, God answered all my excuses, which become the reasons why I finally decided to go to Bible College:

One.

Yes, I can serve God in many ways, but through these several years after graduated from my Bachelor Degree I just found out and realized that I have a heart in mission. I do love travelling and going to new places. I love languages and cultures. I feel most alive when helping people and sharing their joy and sadness. I feel that they are rich, their experiences and what they have faced in this life also make me really rich. I know that doing mission trips needs money, too, haha, but I'm just not that type of person who likes working in the office from nine to five. 

My cousin said I should have a map for my life. What I want to do and how I am going to do that. At least, if you want to hike and you have the map, there's still a possibility to reach the top, but if I don't have the map, how am I going to ever arrive? That makes sense, hey? 

So, during those months of struggling and praying, I tried to see where God is leading me and draw my map, with what He has put into my heart. I want to learn more about God and Bible, be involved in many mission trips around the world, and write Christian books. Somehow when my church played a video about Amy Carmichael I felt like being reassured. But I will still surrender everything into God's hand.

Two.

So, yeah, I do face all the questions I was afraid of. Many, many people asked why did I choose Bible College? Do I want to be a preacher? I tried to answer as honest as I could, but you know my verbal explanation is never as good as the written one haha. 

The good news was I didn't feel afraid anymore. I had known what I wanted to do in my life, and witnessing how faithful God is has made me come to this decision. At first, I was afraid of becoming a stumbling stone, because I was sure I would still sin and make mistakes and hurt people even if I have Master of Theology degree. But, that's the point, isn't it? If I am good enough then I don't need Christ. The fact that I need Christ's salvation and continuous grace shows that I am a sinner, and no matter how many times I read my Bible I can't avoid the fact that I might still displease someone with my sinful flesh. Why should it become a barrier to learn deeper about God's words?

Three.

I also didn't know what I would do after studying English Literature before, yet God gave me the best job and experience at FremantleMedia. One thing for sure, I want to work in His field (Oh, but how about my nails? Haha).

Four.

So this is my condition. The money I saved up from working 11 months here is only enough to pay my one year tuition fee, not including living cost. Which logically, if I work part time here during my study, it will be only enough to support my living (plus my mom). I only can work 20 hours per week. Then how am I going to pay for my second and third year? Even to survive my first year I have to work hard. Honestly, I already calculated it months ago, and I knew, based on my calculation it wouldn't be enough. But I also knew, that my calculation is human's calculation, which is limited, and God calculates better than me. And one thing for sure, if I used my human calculation before, I would never graduate from my Bachelor Degree, as I shared my testimony here: Mommy, I've Graduated for He is Faithful.

Oh yeah, and my godmom always said that God will provide. If it's God's will, it's God's bill. If I do something that's after God's heart, why should I worry? Nah, the problem was I didn't know whether this was God's will or not, which leads to the next reason.

Five.

As I have said before, I didn't feel like having that divine calling. I just thought I was interested in learning God's words further, because they are so beautiful, and I am into literature, right? Haha. So I am not sure if this is what God really wants. How if I cluelessly sign up for Bible College and in the middle of the road I don't have money to pay because it's just simply a mistake?

Then I got the answer from my godmom, "If you have good desire in your heart, do you think it comes from you? No, it's God who puts the desire. Even if you don't believe in God, any good intention never comes from human. If you want to study at Bible College and serve God, do you think it's because you are kind? No, it's because God is kind."

Soooo yeah, after all these things I came to the point where I decided to come back as a student and study at PBC. The weird thing was, one month before going back to my country, I was designing a flyer for our church's mission trip and I searched for an email from my godmom. Actually the email she sent to me was just a week away, so I could just scroll down. But I don't know why I typed her name in search column, which actually took longer. Then, as a result few emails appeared, including an email from me to her, written four years ago. It was in 2010, even I haven't graduated from my Bachelor Degree. And I didn't know why but I was really curious and I clicked to read it. Apparently I said this:

"Mam, there's one thing I want to ask you. I want to be a fashion designer, but I also want to serve God. But I don't know how, where, in what field, etc. I also want to go to Bible College. So now I don't know what should I pursue?"

Hahaha. I was so shocked. I completely forgot that I had that desire to go to Bible College four years ago. I thought after graduated I was so overwhelmed with worldly thingy (scapegoating again!) so the desire was buried deep down at the very bottom of my heart hahaha. I took this as another confirmation then.

to be continued...

Click this link to read.

GOD IS IN MY TOMORROW

I would like to share another testimony about God's providence during my one year journey in Australia. Remember when I was jobless for almost two months? I shared the story here: The Test that Turns into Testimony. So, after quitting my job at Karrinyup Shopping Centre (read Farewell Airlite), I had to find another job for the rest four months until my time to go home (that's when my visa expired).

As I already knew that looking for job was not easy, I started applying here and there since one month before my last day at Karrinyup, and intensely two weeks before. This time, I was more confident because I had experience and I got this 'Employee of the Month' certificate. But still, I got no response at all until my last day working! Haha. Uh-oh, I panic.

Let me jump to another story before I continue. 

I used to live in Doubleview when I was working in Karrinyup (northern suburbs). It was really close like 30 minutes walk or 5 minutes bus ride. As I said in the previous testimony, I was so grateful that I got a job near my house. So since my visa only allowed me to work up to 6 months for one employer, I knew that my last day working in Karrinyup would be February 28th. But in January my roommate told me that I had to find another house because her previous roommate would come back from farm. I was so sad because living in that house was near and cheap. I also liked my housemates. I was confused where should I move to, because I still had to work there for one month. I also had night shift so I couldn't live too far because the transportation would be difficult. 

I was pretty stressful during the hunting time. It's so hard to find a suitable room with suitable price and location. I questioned God why He let this happen. Now. Why not after I quit my job. Why. Why. Why. Yeah, I know if I were God I would be like super annoyed with this kind of attitude haha.

Days passed and finally I had to move out on January 18. I met this lovely couple, Karl the husband is from Hungary and his wife Angelina is from Vietnam. They have two dogs, a German Shepherd called Tashi and a Labrador named Tulip. It's been such a blessing to live with them, can't describe it in words. I thanked God for letting me know these people (and dogs). Their house is 40 minutes walking to the shopping centre, but Karl always dropped me and picked me up every time he's available.

However, since I rented one room for myself, I knew I couldn't afford it for long term so I decided to move to South and share a room with my friend (half price cheaper). Actually I liked living in North and I planned after quitting my job in Karrinyup I would look for jobs in North again. But since this happened, I changed my mind and planned to move to South after the end of February.

Then, on January 30 which was Chinese New Year Eve, my second cousin invited me for reunion dinner in his parents' house. He is my cousin from my grandfather and we never knew each other before for 23 years of my life, because he and his family live in Singapore. I just knew him since end of 2011 when my grandmother passed away and he came to the funeral. His parents (which are my uncle and aunt) sometimes come to Perth and I just knew my other cousins there (his elder & younger brothers) who live in Perth. 

So, few days after the reunion dinner, my aunt called me to ask if I wanted to earn more money by cleaning her house and another aunt's house on weekends. They live in South (the suburbs called Winthrop and Kardinya). So on Saturday I went to their house. One day when driving me back to North, my aunt asked what's my plan after I finished my job in Karrinyup. I said I would move to South because I would share a room with my friend and it's cheaper. Then my aunt said, "If you want, you can live in our house, because we have rooms and only Koko (my cousin) lives there. You can save your money because you don't need to pay for rent."

Wow it was like the best thing I even dare not to imagine. As you know, the biggest expense to live here is the expensive rent, which can cost you 150 to 200 AUD per week, or 100 if you share a room. So it was such a blessing and I was really grateful for that offer. I was not close to them because I just met them twice since I came to Perth (they mostly in Singapore) and I even just met my cousin (the youngest of three) for the first time on that Chinese New Year Eve. How generous they are! I just realized that I was asked to move out from Doubleview because God had another better plan for me. So yeah, I told them I would move to their house in the beginning of March after finishing my job in Karrinyup.

Okay, then let's jump back to where we were before.

I was on my last day working and wondering what should I do after this, couldn't imagine myself being jobless again. Pushing my trolley and thinking, "How if I am jobless again for one month or two months? I can't save money and instead have to keep spending, then how can I save up for school? Or maybe I just go home? So I will not come back to study. God, do you want me to go home and stay in Indonesia?" I was pretty worried too since I only had four months left. Who would want to employ someone who could only work for four months?

At that time, I was still in dilemma whether to come back as a student or not.

Then as I continued working, I had quick farewell with my workmates, too, since they finished at different times. When I was taking picture with my workmate, Joy, a food court staff from Indian food stall asked, "Why are you taking pic together?" Then Joy explained, "This is her last day working because of her visa." 

After that, I continued cleaning the toilet and this Indian lady met me there. She was about to go home and she asked me, "Where will you work after this? Are you still looking for job? My husband is a cleaning supervisor and he is looking for a staff." I thought, oh, if it's in North then it would be difficult since I was about to move to South. So I asked her where, and she said, "It's near Murdoch University." My heart jolted in joy, and I answered immediately, "That's near my house! Yes I want it!" Apparently her husband was outside, picking her up, so she introduced me directly and I gave him my phone number, he said he would talk to his manager and called me.

I was in awe for the rest of the day and thinking, "God, I still haven't known the result yet but let this be another testimony!"

So yeah, in March I moved to my cousin's house and on Wednesday I went to Kardinya Shopping Centre to meet the manager, He interviewed me and introduced me to the Centre Manager, then asked me to come for training on Monday. Yay! I got a job! In a miraculous way! It's only 10 minutes bus ride from my cousin's house. And my Centre Manager was really nice! I worked there until the end of my journey when I had to go back to Indonesia.

ISN'T JESUS CHRIST AWESOME? 

Also, living with my cousin has led to another testimony. Click this link to read.

"What God starts,

He finishes.

Where God guides,

He provides.

And where God leads,

He meets our needs."

Rick Warren