Sunday, August 08, 2010


I’d nothing to say for a few minutes, even a single word, after receiving that ‘thunderstorm’ sms just this afternoon. But tonight, I have many many many wonderful sentences to share..!!^^ COZ TODAY IS SUCH AN EXTREMELY AWESOME AND BLESSED DAY, for He has given me a chance to increase something. Somehing really important in my life. Something which I has been doubtful for a year, since nothing ever really happened to examine the quality. But today I get the answer, and I’m so happy to know that it hasn’t gone yet, and I hope it won’t go. It is FAITH.

The story today began when I was studying Tourism Management at Kijang Campus at 3 p.m. I received a thundering sms from Chemie Private (my tutoring agency) sounded like this “Wanna inform that start from November, Axel’s tutorial will be ended. If he wants to continue we will inform u”..

GLEK.. It’s more than a huge gorilla hand slapped my face. I felt rigid for not-a-while. I could hear rub a dub inside my ears, tickling my eyes, and creeping into my mind. I’d known it would be happened. Last Wednesday was a big mistake. Axel had NCC homework to create an email. After that, he told me he wanted Facebook. He wanted to play Pet Society. Ok, I thought, he had already had an email, then he could make FB , then. But unexpectedly, when I told his mom, his mom said that it’s not allowed. I should ask first if there’s something I didn’t understand about Axel’s disciplinary program. I felt very guilty and regretted it too much, why didn’t I ask first? I just didn’t realize that FB would be banned, I thought it just an ordinary thing, but I realized that the effect wouldn’t be great for an 8-year-old boy like Axel. I said sorry to his mom, and I got no reply.

Today I received such a message, of couse my head swirled and what’s written on my forehead is I AM FIRED. I AM FIRED. I AM FIRED. WHAT SHOULD I DO? My life depends on my salary. My salary depends on my job. I have to collect money to go to Kediri this December, I have to collect enough money for daily needs later, and I LOVE AXEL. I’d understood his character, his story, his favourite comic, his favourite monster, his favourite game, and everything! He even showed me his own-made comic which has never been shown to anyone! I had to tell someone! I had to make sure it’s not a dream that I AM FIRED!

Then I told my monkey, Nat, sitting beside me. And also Nez, on the other side. I AM FIRED. They asked me why. I couldn’t answer. Me myself didn’t understand, there’s neither reason nor explanation. All that I knew, today was a last day for me teaching Axel. He will be gonna find another better tutor soon. Nat told me, “It’s OK, u can find another student”, so did Nez, “It’s OK, at least u can concentrate on ur exam, and u can rest after having lectures”, IT’S OK. I know it’s still ok, world won’t end, sun won’t stop shining, (HAHA sounds like song), but still, how can I collect money for ‘mudik’ if I don’t get any salary anymore? T______T

Then I started to cry, hahahhaa.. Tears flew over my cheek, but let it be, I didn’t care, better I cried, I had nothing to do to make sure myself that I had no money to mudik. Then I realized something. It had been my dilemma these days, actually, but I didn’t ask it to God. I found difficulties in managing my time. How can I through this mid-term exam which will be held on Nov 13th, while I have to publish HECOM with my pubdok-ers in such a lil time, while I have to prepare for our group’s drama practice, while I have to prepare Axel for his semestral assesment in a MONTH within a day? But He knows even before we tell Him, He knows what’s our worry and fear, even if it’s burried under our deepest heart.

I know, it would be such a BEST WAY for me if I’m fired, for He really understands that I can’t focus on my exam if my brain’s divided into many parts. He knows my weakness and disability, I’ll become out of focus if my brain is over-loaded, and He gave me time to rest. Time to focus in preparing mid-term exam. I’d been very afraid, if I couldn’t manage my time, if I couldn’t fulfil the target for HECOM (but fortunately the team is GREAT), and I was afraid of failing Axel also in his assesment. And the most frightening thing I afraid of is if I couldn’t reach the standart for FAST-TRACK. Then I must be dissapointing my mom so much. It’s her support and pray that motivate me to finish my study in 3,5 years. So, it’s not that bad, being fired. Then I realize that it’s too WONDERFUL & ON TIME, His help.

I started cry again, and again, for His amazing blessing. I couldn’t understand, how can it be? I kept talking to myself, it’s OK for having no money, He can prepare it for me, I trust I can go ‘mudik’ huahahaha.. Maybe I just hadn’t been able to see His plan beyond these words on my forehead “I AM FIRED”. Ok, I’ll do my last day very well.

BUT BUT BUT.. Unexpectedly, when I arrived there, Axel didn’t know anything about this. I asked him, “Did u get ticked off since last Wednesday we made FB? Because today is the last day I teach u”, and Axel said, “No, I didn’t. It’s OK, and by the way, why today’s the last day? Does it mean that u’re not gonna teach me anymore? But why?”, and I answered “I dunno..”

And then we were doing Science homework when his mom came. His mom told me, “For November and December Axel will have a break for tutoring, because I want to accompany him to prepare his semestral assesment. And December is almost holiday, so he doesn’t need to have tutorial. We will start again in January, OK?”

OH MY BELOVED GOD~! So it means that I only have a BREAK? It’s not I AM FIRED, but I’M GIVEN A BREAK? Whereas usually when their children have the assesment, parents need tutor to accompany them to study, but it’s not for Axel, so I can be free for this two months to focus on my EXAMS? IT’S SUCH A SURPRISE!! I’d been mistaken. I keep thinking that God has prepared the better way by firing me, but He is NOT. HE GIVES ME THE BEST BY RESTING ME EXACTLY WHEN I NEED IT, and still keeps my job, I even don’t need to lose that kind family. I’m very grateful to hear that, Jesus. I’m happy I keep my faith in U, so I even get MORE than I expect!

P.S The same wonderful thing is also happened to my friend, Felicia, whose job actually would be ended this month because the project is over. She told me she was confused how to pay our semestral tuition. And she prayed to God, and God is never late, He extends Felicia’s job! It’s always ON TIME, and I just keep wondering HOW GRATEFUL WE ARE FOR HAVING SUCH ON-TIME AND FAITHFUL GOD LIKE U^^ <3


[31 October 2009]

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