This is a fictional short story written in my leisure time, but maybe there is something we can learn from this.
Dear my friend,
It breaks my heart so much when I see you, a nice, godly young lady falls into an unhealthy relationship with what looks like a "nice, godly" gentleman. Having a decade of friendship with you since high school, we used to share our romantic dreams together. We didn't come from perfect families. We were broken, we were traumatized. But somehow we experienced Christ' love and we knew that there are men who have fear of the Lord out there, there are men who will love us the way Christ does (or at least, trying to). We grew up with this hope, deep inside our hearts. We were insecure, knowing that we lack a lot. In our appearances, and in our characters. Yet, we knew Christ loves us and we love Him. We wanted to glorify Him with our lives. We had seen so many broken marriage and we had seen some beautiful ones. We were inspired by those beautiful marriages. We wanted to keep our purity for our future husband, and we wanted to have a holy relationship. We knew it's a hard work, and we needed to pay the cost. But we were willing to do that, to wait patiently and be faithful although it would be hard and lonely, to be shaped and molded in the waiting process although it would hurt. We know it's not about the perfect man, not about the one, not about Mr. Right, but we do believe that our choice and decision matter. The waiting process is so hard that I can imagine when we finally meet him, we will be drenched in happy tears. Because we knew marriage is something deeper than just falling in love and staying together. It is far deeper, more intimate, more beautiful, more sacred. It is a lifetime covenant.
Remember when we attend our friend's wedding and you said you were teary? I said, "You must be crying like a baby when I am the bride!!!" and you said, "Yes, for sure! And you too! You will cry too!" Because we know what kind of magnificent and magical feeling it will be when we walk down the aisle! Yes, we, two teenagers who were excited for the future! Time goes by and we spent years and years waiting, stumbling, crying, encouraging, praying, waiting again, hoping, questioning, daydreaming. We see and taste more. Our minds were not as innocent as before. Our hearts were damaged here and there. One by one our friends get married, and have children. Our hearts grow weary, but somehow we still wait. Well, that's the only thing we can do, to wait. What else can we do? Haha.
But then, this guy came into your life, and everything changes. You knew he was not for you, and you didn't want to be with him either, at first. But you enjoyed his companion, his flowery words, and his sweet promises. You asked me what to do, and I told you, "If you don't want to be with him, stay away from him, because if you stay close, you will like him eventually." I asked you some important questions, "Are you sure that he is the best for you? Are you sure you want to marry him? Are you sure you want him to be a father of your children? Are you sure he will be a good husband? Are you sure are you sure are you sure blah blah blah," and you said no. It's like a tug of war game. You even asked our godmother and she asked you the same questions as mine, and you said no. We were praying for you. We knew that when we are talking about relationship, we are talking about a future husband. We took this seriously. Then, you said you had the decision and you were gonna stay away. We were relieved. We knew from your story what kind of person he is, and we didn't want you to suffer. Then days passed, and you told me now you were in a relationship with him. You just couldn't ignore your feeling. You love him, you said, and he loves you. I was speechless. It's not that I didn't want to see you happy, but I was just, afraid.
I couldn't say anything because I didn't have any proof. It's only my feeling that you shouldn't be with him and I knew my feeling meant nothing. It is your feeling that matters, because you are the one who feels it. And you love him. But I still told you what I needed to say, because I wanted you to be aware. You tried to convince me how good and godly he is, but from your story I can see clearly that he is not what he chose to show you. I know we can't judge people. I don't want to. But I concern about you and your happiness, and I know there are something wrong with him. I told you few things, and I wanted you to bear those in mind, just to be aware. I didn't want it to be too late. I would be so sad.
Months passed and a few things bothered you. I wish you would see! I wish you would realize! But you chose to ignore those things, and I couldn't say anything. I couldn't say something really bad because I didn't want you to stop telling me what happened. I needed you to keep sharing, just in case you were in trouble, so that I could help you. I suppressed my words, and tried to respond as a friend, although I was grieving. No, I didn't pretend to support you. I still let you know that I didn't like him. But I only could remind you to pray. And yeah, you said you guys prayed together.
But then one day you told me something bad about him, and I took that chance to present you clearly it was one of many bad things that you should see. He mentioned God a lot and showed you that he wanted God to lead this relationship, but his action didn't show that. Now I had proof! I could show it in front of your eyes, under your nose. You saw it with your own eyes and head. It happened! All the things I was afraid of, I had been warning you about! I cried. I was so sad. I couldn't think clearly for three days. My brains swirled like crazy. I had warned you before and it finally happened now. I didn't want something worse than that to happen, so I warned you again. I really hoped that this time you would listen, because you agreed on what I said, because you knew it's true! We both knew what damaged he has given you and what risk you are heading to! But you said you couldn't leave him now. You love him and he (again) loves you. But you said you would be aware. You would remember my words in your head. Then you were back in this flowery mode with him. How could I stay still? It's so easy to forget everything when we are in love, I know that. I do forget a lot of things and I regret it. Haha. I feel like I need to remind you everyday, well, maybe my words are harsh, but I know how my words worked before, powerless.
Why do I have to do this? Because you had passed one stage, my friend. It is hard to fix, but it is still possible. And once you pass the next stage, it will be fixable, but with some serious damage, and can take forever. I don't want you to live your life in regret. I want you to have a life full of love, peace, and joy. I don't want you to live in torture, fear, and tears. I know I sound so annoying right now. Who am I to judge you that you will be suffering if you stay with him. I am not God. Nobody knows your future. Nobody knows your feeling. But have you ever thought, maybe, maybe this is the way He answers your prayers? That when you can't clearly see, He sends people around you to help you see?
And you are unhappy with my harsh words. You are sad when someone who loves you and whom you love, are being humiliated by your best friend. You want me to respect your feeling. Seriously, would you rather have me to respect your feeling and saying nice words, when I knew I could lead you to disaster? I had tried that and waited, and I had seen it didn't work! I couldn't try the same method and expect different result, eh? This is not for trial. Your life and future are not a game, where I could push the "undo" button when I thought it didn't work. I know we learn from mistake, but how many mistakes?
My friend, I am sorry for making you sad, but if I could slap your face for you to see the truth, I would do that. I don't mind if you hate me, you may do that, I believe one day time will tell anyway. And when that day come, I would rather have you realized later in your happiness that I have saved you from the bad, than to have you regretted later in your brokenness, that I tried to save you, and I failed.
If you have to conceal things in your relationship from your best friends, maybe something's wrong,If you can't tell your parents the whole story, because you are afraid of your parent's disapproval, maybe something's wrong,
If you feel insecure about your position in his heart, and you have to question it all the time, maybe something's wrong,
If you have to check his phone all the time, be suspicious and too jealous, maybe something's wrong,
If people keep warning you about him, even though they don't know him, and you think if they know they will warn you even more, maybe something's wrong,
If you keep fighting about unimportant thing, and you know it will affect your marriage, then maybe something's wrong,
If you say that he brings you closer to God, but you live in guilt because you know what you do with him is displeasing God, maybe something's wrong,
If his promises make you happy, but then he breaks it all, uh-oh, must be something wrong.
If his words are not in coherence with his actions, that's definitely something wrong!
I almost gave up, when you were irritated today. But no, I haven't. This is the last thing I will try.
And you know what? There are two reasons why your best friend doesn't approve your boyfriend. It is either she loves you, or she loves your boyfriend. You know I am the first.